In legal circles, long term marriages of 20, 30, 50 or more years. heading towards divorce are commonly known as gray divorces. The divorce procedure is the same whether a marriage lasts a year, five years, or even fifty. Couples of long term marriages like any divorce filed in court still need to hurdle the same process of filing a complaint, answering the divorce complaint, showing up to discovery, discussions and mediations, and negotiating child and spousal support.
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Long-term marriage comes with both benefits and drawbacks. The benefit is that you frequently amass more assets and earn more money. The drawback is that there are more assets to negotiate, value, and account for. It is more intricate. After 50 years of marriage, if you’re considering divorcing, stop and reconsider before contacting a lawyer. You can have stronger motives for remaining married than filing for divorce.
Couples can reflect on the adjustments they’ve made and anticipate in the future while also seeing the person they have developed into throughout the course of their marriage. Even though a couple has been together for many years, it doesn’t guarantee they will handle all of life’s changes equally or they will remain close. After having children together, a couple frequently discovers that they no longer have as many interests or that they have different retirement objectives.
The Truth About Long-Term Marriages and Gray Divorce
The National Center for Health Statistics of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC gathered data on Marriage and Divorce from 2000 to 2020 from 45 states and the District of Columbia. It said that there are 2.3 divorces for every 1,000 people. Divorce cases are even higher at around 10 per 1000 people for couples ages 50 and above.
The statistics we’ve cited are facts. If marriage has lasted so long, it must be a definition of a successful marriage. Is it not? So what drives a supposedly successful marriage to end?
Apparently, the divorce rate for folks older than 50 years old has been increasing steadily for more than a decade. It actually doubled between the years 1990 to 2010. It seems the same things driving younger marriages to divorce are also driving the statistics in gray marriages are the same as younger marriages. These reasons however are irrelevant in the divorce process, Michigan is a “no-fault” divorce state. The state does not require a reason for dissolving marriage.
Here’s some of the common reasons for getting divorce in later years.
Long term and perennial infidelity.
Spouses will always find it difficult to forgive or will come to a realization they have enough of infidelity and just move on with their lives. Divorce just fits the bill of options to end a relationship with an unfaithful spouse. So many celebrity marriages seem to prove this point. Spouses just got tired of the hide and seek and the off-and-on season of spousal infidelity.
The poor and harmful communication.
Couples probably shift from different modes of communication in their marriage. They go to being critical, defensive, stonewalling, and they eventually evolve into having contempt for their partners. Contempt seems to be a great predictor of marriage’s eventual demise. It is when you are contemptuous that communication becomes irrelevant if not inconvenient.
A worsening state of stress from money.
The amount of money seems insignificant, it is what money means to each respective partner creating and building the tension between couples. For people who are spenders, the use of money is a form of freedom. For the frugal, money is the foundation for security.
The home is now an empty nest.
Children are frequently the knot binding a marriage. Many couples discover they no longer have anything in common after the kids leave the house because they were too busy raising kids and working. The marriage can be strengthened if the pair can communicate and talk about these concerns. When the kids are finally grown and out of the house, many marriages end. Some couples choose to wait until the favorite family pet passes away. In some circumstances, a spouse will decide to travel and take an early retirement. The other spouse may not share this desire to travel because this spouse wants to remain working. The home is becoming a place of emptiness for both spouses.
Unresolved issues in each other’s past.
Unresolved issues, unacknowledged hurt or unarticulated dreams can remain unresolved and now have a space and extra time to haunt you. The emptiness is providing space. Some of these hurts never healed. The source of these hurts, never forgiven. Dreams before marriage inspiring us are kept somewhere in favor of marital harmony. This gesture is unrequited, unacknowledged, eroding our feelings of gratitude for being together. All of that simply because we have not talked about anything for many years.
The Challenges of Gray Divorce
The population is getting older. In Michigan, more than 50% of the population is now 50 or older. In Michigan, 25% of the population is currently 60 years of age or older. More than 2.46 million individuals, in total. A sizable chunk of our demographics are made up of baby boomers.
Your life is about to go head to head with challenges so part of an aging population including that of Michigan.
Spousal support.
Spousal support can be challenged. People contend spousal support should not be granted because gray divorces rarely involve very young children and both spouses are likely to be able to work full-time. On the other hand, if one partner was a stay-at-home parent for the duration of the marriage, he or she may require further education or job skill training before entering the workforce. Entering or reentering the workforce after the age of 50 can be difficult.
Child support.
In contrast to a younger child, for whom childcare might be a significant expenditure, child support for an older dependent child will focus more on items like tuition, college housing and food, books, car insurance, and cell phones.
The likelihood of having young children in the family decreases when both partners are 50 or older. The children are probably in high school or college if there are dependents. Because parents often do not have to chauffeur older dependent children to school and activities as frequently as they would an infant or toddler in primary school or daycare, custody and visitation disputes are simpler with older dependent children.
A shrinking purse.
Early divorce in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s gives your ex-spouse time to rebuild their financial situation. Financial recovery is more difficult in long-term marriages starting in the middle of the 1950s. Typically, the division of assets and obligations is equal. A couple’s retirement fund is now about half of what it once was. Economic recovery will take longer now. If retirement is approaching, this is especially true. The more established a relationship is, the harder it is for them to recover.
Limited job opportunities in the digital age.
Despite the fact that people are working longer hours and retiring later, occupational age discrimination persists. Anyone joining or returning to the labor market in their mid- to-late-50s or early- to-late-60s is in serious trouble. A spouse who raised children while staying at home or even worked part-time won’t be able to make up those lost years. Compared to younger job seekers, people in their 50s and 60s are less and less employable
In a competitive job market where younger people can afford advantages like health insurance, those going through gray divorce must compete with them. Additionally, in the digital age where skill sets are changing quickly, it is harder for someone who is not technically adept.
Leaving the marital home.
The process of divorce is never simple, leaving the marital home is also never simple. This is especially true when it comes to gray divorces. Even the most challenging circumstances can sometimes be made easier to handle in a cozy and familiar setting. But following a divorce, one spouse frequently needs to vacate the property, making the process even more challenging. Even for the spouse who gets to keep the house, it’s not always simple. One spouse may find it considerably harder to afford a mortgage, property taxes, and routine maintenance following a divorce.
Is There An Alternative Life To Being Divorce?
Couples undergoing a gray divorce may be burdened by legal fees, court charges, and other divorce-related costs, such as real estate appraisers and child custody evaluators.
But that sum may easily double depending on whether the divorce is disputed, how complicated the couple’s finances are, where they live, and the lawyers they hire.
Many couples nowadays who are on the verge of divorcing are looking for other solutions in order to save their finances and lessen the emotional toll on their family. Clients can consider whether they truly want to end their relationship and put in extra effort to establish a stronger, healthier one. The couple may choose to explore other options outside divorce by identifying the best possible solutions.
They may consider several alternatives to divorce.
Mediation
In divorce mediation, a third party acts as a mediator to help the couple come to terms with the terms of their separation, including the division of property, time sharing arrangements, and child support obligations. Couples who are ready to call it quits but want to keep legal costs in check may choose this option.
A divorce mediation agreement is enforceable once it has been signed by both parties. However, you must be prepared to do your own research if you choose mediation. If you don’t understand the family’s finances as well as your spouse does, it could end up costing you a lot of money. If you were in a courtroom, your ex might be able to conceal assets or work out a deal that was unfair otherwise.
Separate Maintenance
Considering how similar a legal separation is to a divorce aids with comprehension. In terms of price, difficulty, and procedure, a legal separation is identical to a divorce and addresses all of the same problems. Similar to a divorce, a separation is a legal proceeding in which a married couple seeks to reach an agreement on the division of assets, liabilities, spousal and child support, custody, and parenting time.
But in this case, you remain married while going through all the divorce-related processes. The majority of couples who consent to a decision of separate maintenance get divorced within three years, although about 15% of couples who split permanently. Others finally decide to save their marriage. In comparison to if they had divorced, these people may find it simpler later because their marriage still exists.
We are rarely the same people we were when we were first beginning out as adults in midlife and later in life. The phrase “gray divorce” does not necessarily relate to “aged folks,” rather it is about determining how to live out the remainder of your life while dealing with new challenges brought on by different stages of life.
In contrast to divorces involving people in their 20s, 30s, or 40s, the challenges in a gray divorce are understandably different. The factors that affect the equation are retirement and money, not child rearing and parenting schedules.
You need to talk to an attorney who will share a common vision of what outcomes you want for each other.
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Goldman and Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.