Threats can have a variety of meanings to different people. If you believe that the threats that have been made against your child in connection with a custody dispute are justified. Be sure to reconsider. If a kid doesn’t finish their homework or gets a C in class, a parent can threaten to take away their video games or their telephones. Those are the kinds of threats that are in the child’s best interests, even though the court may not give them much consideration. The court will seriously examine threats that could harm or injure the child physically, mentally, or emotionally.
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Threats against children are interpreted differently by the courts. Parents must consider everything from the viewpoint of the child’s best interests, as courts will always advocate. It is viewed as a threat to the child’s safety if any of the factors are subverted for particular reasons. If you want to have a fair hearing about threats made against your child, consider the best interest factors first the next time you wish to consider threats.
You have to avoid behavior with a high likelihood of being misunderstood such as speech or behavior when you admonish or punish your child. You also need to avoid being labeled unfit to be a parent.
What Monumental Mistakes To Avoid In Reprimanding or Admonishing Children
Disciplining our children is a prerogative of parents. We are sure you don’t want them to become “bad people” when they grow up. Because we all want our kids to grow up feeling confident and good about themselves, we might refrain from punishing them out of concern it will make them feel insecure. However, it’s crucial to reprimand inappropriate behavior, so striking a balance is a smart idea.
But here’s some cautionary advice. Granted we all agree discipline is necessary and we do have the right to enforce certain measures to instill discipline, we still need to be cautious as to what should actually happen before, during, and after we enforce discipline.
Here’s some things to avoid.
Not listening to your children.
Giving your child your full attention and demonstrating your concern is crucial. Pay attention to them as they recount what occurred. If they always act out when they are envious, this is a fantastic chance to talk to them about their emotions and coping techniques. This can also be an excellent approach to spot certain behavioral patterns.
Labeling your kids.
Children already feel hurt being admonished. Labels can hurt them even more. Saying things like “You’re a horrible girl” or “You’re a stupid boy” can have a negative impact on how your children view themselves, and children who feel bad about themselves are more likely to act out. Instead, be sure to distinguish between their actions and who they are as people. Remind them that they can still be excellent kids who just made a poor decision.
Ignoring recurring issues.
You can patiently assist your children in finding solutions to their issues. Encourage them to think more broadly by providing them with various points of view. This is quite useful for handling circumstances frequently causing problems for your kids. When their solutions are successful, you should congratulate them since it gives them a great sense of empowerment.
Not explaining problems or issues.
Children need to have a hint of the root of a problem. You can gently open the discussion by saying, “I know you didn’t mean to…,” which will convey to your child that you are aware of their good intentions despite their error. Then you can add a “but” and describe how their actions affected the situation. They are reminded they are not bad people by focusing on how their activities affect other people, and it may inspire them to consider the effects of their acts more carefully in the future.
Not moving forward after resolving an issue.
Children can’t change what they’ve done, so constantly reminding them of it might make them feel terrible about themselves. Dwelling on the past never helps anyone. Instead, you could assist them in developing a strategy for how they might put things right. Asking children questions like “What can you do to make them feel better?” may encourage kids to practice recognizing how to fix their errors.
Not making it about learning and focusing more on discipline.
Put learning, not punishment, at the center of your discipline. Give them a punishment for their behavior and let them know it’s for their own benefit to learn never to do that again. Tell them there will be opportunities for them to try again and improve in the future. Singling out one child can make them feel like a victim, therefore it’s important to punish everyone who was involved when it’s impossible to identify the offender.
Too much shouting or too many hurtful words.
There’s already too much scientific evidence suggesting the effect of verbal abuse and harsh words. According to research, screaming makes children feel terrified and insecure, which might make them act aggressively. The long-term impacts of insulting a child might include low self-esteem, anxiety, and violence. Though they may have misbehaved, your child will still feel loved and welcomed if you remain calm.
Too many public admonishments.
Don’t do it in public. Keep it at home. Try to reserve any punishment for the home environment. Scolding your child in front of others can make them feel ashamed, which might cause them to become socially awkward as they become older and harbor anger against their parents. Any parent wants to avoid this at all costs!
Not acknowledging improvements and achievements.
We’re afraid our children are growing fast. Actually, they are not. They grow in small increments, small moments in which you can turn into great or horrible memories. It’s important you teach your children they can delight you as a parent. You can see both their improvement and the effort they’ve put forth. Recognizing your child’s development or the person they’re “becoming” is really a unique present to give them. It shows them you still have faith in them despite how much they mess up.
The reason why we need to remind you to be conscious about your methods of discipline is because people or your ex can accuse you of being a threat to your children or label you an unfit parent.
You Don’t Want To Be Called An Unfit Parent
You don’t want to be labeled an “unfit parent”. It’s insulting, it hurts, and even when we know they might be right, it will still hurt to be labeled as one. The hard work that comes with being a parent is undeniable even for those who try and fail. It’s a job designed in 24-hour packages with no breaks.
If you are labeled as an unfit parent, you are a threat to your own child. You become the greatest threat to your child by your mere proximity.
What does an unfit parent look like, sound like or act like or don’t act like.
An unfit parent is one who, via their actions, fails to give their children the right direction, attention, or support. A parent will also be found unfit if they have a history of abuse, neglect, or drug misuse. Most often, Child Welfare Services are involved when a parent is determined to be unfit, and there may be a safety plan or an open, ongoing investigation against the parent.
Poor track record in child care.
All information relevant to child care should be exchanged, and both parents should have access to dependable child care. There should be a solid track record of ensuring the wellbeing of the kids. Additionally, each parent must be capable of caring for the child alone without assistance. When it comes to raising the kids, one parent shouldn’t rely too heavily on the other. A change in custody may be required if the child is continually dependent on help, whether it comes from the co-parent or other family members.
A personal history of substance abuse.
You can request a change in your custody arrangement if you have proof that one of the parent’s substance abuse problems is having an impact on the child. In order to protect the child’s safety, the court may issue orders restricting a parent’s use of a substance, even if it is lawful, like marijuana. The depth of the substance abuse can be determined by ordering substance abuse assessments.
A personal history of child abuse.
Child Protective Services or CPS’ frequent involvement in a parent’s home may indicate custody needs to change. Child Welfare Services may have conducted an extensive investigation into a home to determine whether or not abuse or neglect need to be established. They will provide an immediate safety plan if they have a concern, which you can present in court to request emergency custody orders. CPS Involvement is a crucial symptom to watch out for even though it isn’t always a sign because cases can occasionally be closed without an inquiry.
A predisposition to domestic violence.
You cannot treat the other parent cruelly or abuse him or her emotionally. Even if the child is just a mere witness to domestic abuse, it is still harmful. A parent finding himself or herself a victim of abuse can avail of resources. Courts have a range of resources or approaches in curtailing the incidence of domestic violence. The most common of these resources is a restraining order. Another option for the court is to order the abuser to take domestic violence classes. A corollary option is to impose psychotherapy for the abuser. Or, the court can simply modify the custody arrangement to reduce the interaction of the abuser with the abused parent or children. A child should never be allowed to watch passively domestic violence in action.
Failure in setting age appropriate limits.
Parents may not always agree on age-appropriate restrictions, but it may be a warning sign if one parent is tolerating extreme situations. A joint legal custody should be an opportunity to be making decisions jointly. They should be focusing and having some agreements as to what are age appropriate activities for their kids.
Failure to compromise and lack of ability to resolve conflict.
Co-parenting is difficult. Throughout the divorce, you must be reasonable and cooperative. Positive co-parenting requires a lot of effort on both parties’ parts, but it is possible. You must communicate and reach a compromise. Your child will sense it if one parent frequently disparages the other or if every choice is the subject of a dispute. One parent may be given decision-making authority under a new custody arrangement if there is insufficient cooperation and positive decision-making.
Lack of social activities involving children.
Social activities the child participates in with both parents are crucial because they foster positive interactions and memories. Parents must protect their kids from social issues that can have a detrimental effect on them. These socializing issues could be keeping them away from neighbors or their friends. Their capacity for social interaction may also be hampered by frequent confinement indoors. A child may suffer if one parent disapproves of their participation in or their attendance at their child’s extracurricular activities.
Inability to foster a positive attitude towards children and the other parent.
The child should not be taught to despise the other parent since it is crucial that both parents support and promote good relationships between the child and each parent. Respect for the other parent must be fostered by each parent. Before visits, a child’s behavior or expressions of worry may be a clue that something has to be done to mend the relationship. It’s crucial to pay attention to the child’s input and take appropriate action. Both parents must act and communicate in a way that prevents the kids from feeling uneasy or fearful around the other parent.
Failing to understand and to respond to your child’s needs
Both parents must make their child feel heard and cared for. Both the child and the parents have a difficult time already navigating two different households. Whatever house they are in, it is crucial children feel they can actually communicate. A parent must react appropriately and seek assistance when required. All of these elements of a solid partnership are crucial.
Really, in the end, you just need to look after the best interests of your children. Your attorney is going to encourage you to do it. The court will find a way for you to make it happen.
You Can’t Go Wrong When You Have Best Interest In Mind
We’ve always been mentioning this here in our Legal Blog. If you want to know what is the best environment and circumstance for a child, always look into the twelve factors used as a basis for measuring how the best interest of a child is best served.
According to The 2018 edition of the Custody and Parenting Investigation Manual published by the Friend of the Court Bureau of the State Court Administrative Office explains these 12 Child Custody Factors for the benefit of investigation teams authorize to conduct investigations related to resolving custody and parenting time issues as embodied in MCL 722.23.
In instances involving minor children, judges take these twelve factors into account, particularly what is in the child’s best interests. The criteria may be applied in disputes over child custody, visitation rights, and guardianships of minors.
Based on the provisions of MCL 722.23 here are the twelve factors considered in determining the best interests of the child.
Factor (a): The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child.
Factor (b): The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any.
Factor (c): The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care and other material needs.
Factor (d): The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
Factor (e): The permanence as a family unit of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.
Factor (f): The moral fitness of the parties involved.
Factor (g): The mental and physical health of the parties.
Factor (h): The home, school, and community record of the child.
Factor (i): The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference.
Factor (j): The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, or the child and the parents. A court may not consider negatively for the purposes of this factor any reasonable action taken by a parent to protect a child or that parent from sexual assault or domestic violence by the child’s other parent.
Factor (k): Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child.
Factor (l): Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child custody dispute.
Parents may not always agree on the specifics of how to use parenting time. Since these factors will be used to look at both parents, they may have to learn to work together so both parents can get what they want, which is a fair amount of time to be with their kids. They will have to work together.
Co-parenting becomes necessary in this situation, and you must have faith that your partner is running the home sensibly.
A child needs to know both parents are interested in him or her. It’s difficult for a minor child of divorced parents to navigate two different households, just as it is for the parents. It is crucial your children believe they can communicate no matter which house they are in. Is a parent responding appropriately and getting help when it’s required if there seems to be a disconnect?
These are all crucial elements of a solid partnership. You need to be aware of these factors, not only for the self serving reason of being with your children. You need to realize, the courts are dead serious about them, especially in Michigan.
Don’t take our word for it, ask your attorney.
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