A gray divorce is one that occurs when a couple that has been married for a long period decides to divorce. Although some people might find it offensive, it is a recognized idea in the legal community. You will go through the process of separating assets, living apart, leaving the marital home, and being alone, just as in any divorce. When your spouse passes away, you have no control over the situation and cannot choose to separate; as a result, you must grieve and spend the remaining years of your life alone.
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Living alone forces you to deal with loss and subsequently forces you to look forward to being alone, just like losing someone in death does. Have you given any thought to how living alone may affect your life? Your lawyer will assist you with the legal aspects of your divorce, but they will also give you space to consider what life will be like after the divorce. Speak to your attorney. Speak to someone trustworthy who has had a gray divorce.
What Should Gray Divorce Be For You?
The population as a whole is aging. In Michigan, more than 50% of the population is currently 50 years of age or older. In Michigan, 25% of the population is 60 years of age or older right now. More than 2.46 million individuals in total. Baby boomers make up a sizable chunk of our demography.
If you have seriously thought about going for divorce when you’re past 50 years old, it is best to look at the following things you need to consider from your perspective:
What Is your income going to look like after the divorce?
Compared to when you were 20 or even a few years ago, your earning possibilities may be very different at 50. Different talents are in demand on the market. Depending on your individual circumstances, you or your spouse may be approaching your prime earning years. In contrast, it’s possible that you or your spouse’s skills are aging and that future income will be significantly lower.
Can you cover your medical expenses, do you have health coverage?
If you won’t be eligible for job benefits and aren’t close to being eligible for Medicare, managing your healthcare and health insurance may create considerable issues. The Affordable Care Act’s (ACA) Individual Health Insurance and COBRA can fill the gap.
How is retirement going to look like for you?
No matter how many zeros are in your combined 401(k) and IRA balances, having your nest egg sliced in half intensifies your financial difficulties. The possibilities for breaking them up and potential innovative approaches to tax minimization become more complicated the more accounts you have.
How is your mental health or well being right now?
The possibility of cognitive, other, or addiction issues having a detrimental effect on decision-making might also be present in cases of older couples going through divorce. In some situations, you might even need to think about hiring a guardian or conservator.
Do you still need to provide support for family members? How will your divorce affect your children, your family?
If you’re financially supporting children, you face additional challenges. If necessary, talk about these with your attorney, spouse, and children. Equally significant are the emotional and social repercussions that a parental divorce may have on the engaged adult children. Consider whether even a few counseling sessions might be beneficial for everyone and don’t take this for granted. Even if it’s peacefully resolved, divorce is difficult for everyone involved.
Do you have clarity as to what will be life after divorce?
When a couple divorces after many years of marriage, they are faced with not one, but two significant sources of uncertainty: the prospect of living alone and the uncertainties surrounding the usual retirement age. What do you actually hope to achieve in this new life you have chosen? What does a typical day in that new life feel and look like? Who do you want to have in that life—friends, family, or contacts from the workplace? Give it some thought and imagine your ideal existence in as much detail as you can.
The Truth About Being Alone After A Gray Divorce
In a study published in the National Institute of Health, it revealed the following:
It’s uncertain whether the rate of divorce among older people will increase further or if the rise is only a result of the experiences of the generation that grew up during the dramatic rise in divorce rates in the 1970s.
Due to the rapidly aging population, even if the rate stays the same over the next 20 years, the proportion of older individuals who will get divorced will increase by a third in 2030.
Due to the fact that widows and widowers typically receive greater financial and social support than divorcées, gray divorce may be more harmful than widowhood.
Gray divorce may be less harmful than widowhood because, at least for the initiator, the move to divorce frequently involves deliberate decision-making while widowhood is unavoidable.
It is also unknown whether gray divorcees benefit from repartnering more or less than widows or widowers. Repartnering may benefit divorcees more than widows or widowers because they frequently experience more financial hardship and receive less social support. On the other hand, divorcees frequently feel betrayed by their ex-spouse and struggle to build trust in their new relationship. Repartnering may therefore enhance divorcées’ mental health less than that of widows or widowers.
Using data from the Netherlands Kinship Panel Study (NKPS), it showed that older persons who are married, whether in first or higher order marriages, those who divorce later in life, or what is frequently referred to as “gray divorce,” may be more likely to experience loneliness.
People who divorce early in life may be more likely to remarry or cohabit with a new spouse than those who split later in life. Additionally, they might have more chances to rebuild their social networks with new partners, making them less prone to experience loneliness.
Preparing For A Life Alone After A Gray Divorce
Living a life of being alone after divorce seems not only inevitable but almost like a scientific fact. Your expectations must meet your new realities. Loneliness is going to follow you soon enough. Your ally is preparation. A change of scenery but more importantly a change in mindset is necessary.
Find Someone You Trust To Provide You Emotional Support
We’re not suggesting finding a new partner because a new partner seldom fits the bill of replacing the void a married life has left post-divorce. You just need someone you can talk to and someone you are willing to commit to listen when that someone also needs a sympathetic and empathetic ear.
Have A Financial Plan
Know the cost of living life after divorce. You may need to stick to a budget which consists of daily living expenses, rent or mortgage, mobility, and other expenses approximating your lifestyle prior to the divorce. The court would have been fair enough to ensure you get a fair share of your property division and spousal support. Still you need to make sure there is a steady stream of income to support you through the rest of your life.
You Have To Deal With The Loneliness That Follows
Whether you admit it or not, a certain feeling of loss comes after the divorce judgment is announced. It may hit and sink a bit slow but it will hit you like someone has died. There will be visible changes already. A new place. A new community. Less contact with former acquaintances and friends from a former life.
You’re not grieving the death of someone, you are grieving a life you have lived. A part of who you are, the part you spent a time with someone you have loved and valued. Honor those moments. Give yourself time to grieve so that feeling of loss will not drain your energy.
You Have To Replace Your Daily Routine And Activities
Your former life was filled with activities and moments tied to someone else’s routine. It is now time to own your own space, your own time, and your own routines. Find a purpose to wake up everyday. Some get a pet. Some go back to school or find a hobby.. Or actually go back to the workforce. The latter can be a challenge without serious and deliberate preparation.
Loneliness Is Inevitable
Like what we have mentioned in studies conducted about people who underwent gray divorces, loneliness can seep in very quickly. You need to know loneliness is a moment you can control. Find other things to do in those moments. In most of the things you do now, you will do alone. Fill your social circles with new faces. New lives to interact with. Start connecting with people.
You are about to write a new chapter in your life.
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