A lot of people complain that their ex-spouse doesn’t really want custody schedules except when it’s convenient for them. This can cause a lot of ill will. It’s hard enough to raise children. The burden falls on both parents. You have a situation where you’re trying to raise your child and you’re getting the help of the other parent. You’re working together. You bring your child to school. Pick the child up from school. The problem is when a co-parent gets the sense that the other parent only wants custody when it’s convenient for them. They only want custody when they’re off work. That’s not exactly sharing custody. On the flip side, the co-parent only allows parenting time for the non-custodial parent only if it is convenient for them. When they can’t get a babysitter, then they give the child to a non-custodial parent. Ex wants custody schedules only when it suits them.
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That is not the way the law is contemplating custody either. Parents are not substitutes for babysitters. Custodial parents are supposed to engage actively in the raising of the child. It’s not about convenience. In most cases, having children is never convenient. It’s not about using the other parent as a babysitter. It’s about doing what’s in the best interests of the child. To raise them in a healthy, appropriate manner. If you’re only taking the child when it’s convenient for you, your child will eventually figure it out. You don’t really want to see them. That will have an impact on their life. You have joint custody but in reality, it’s only one parent who has the child. It has an impact on child support.
What is the relationship between child custody schedules and parenting time?
Research suggests that about 50% of couples who marry in Michigan will end up filing for a divorce. A married couple with minor children will most likely end up fighting for custody. After settling custody will move to parenting time schedules. This will always lead to the matter of child support. Michigan courts treat child custody, parent time, and child support as distinct issues. While being distinct from each other, it has dynamics that have a bearing on each other. Make sure to consult your trusted child custody attorney in Michigan.
Child custody
Couples with minor children will end up fighting for custody of their child. Michigan Court determines who gets to care for the minor children until they turn 18. This determination is called child custody. A parent filing for a custody case will know two types of custody: physical custody and legal custody.
- Physical custody. A parent would desire to always see and hold their child. A parent will prefer the child to live with them. This is what you call physical custody. Parents would want to spend as much time with their children. Physical custody arrangements between parents can be 50/50, 70/30, or 80/20. A sole physical custody agreement known as an “80/20 schedule” is one in which the child resides with one parent. Children will have alternate visits with the co-parent.
- Legal custody. Different decisions in the child’s life are made depending on who has legal custody. Health care, education, religion, and other choices have to be made. Typically, a joint legal custody arrangement should be in place. The child’s best interests are taken into consideration by both parents in joint legal custody. The great thing about one parent having sole legal custody is that the parent gets to decide what is best for the child in court. The court sometimes is forced to choose to give only one parent sole legal custody because it believes both parents are unable to raise a child for some reason. To avoid complications, they are forced to choose the parent who can make the lesser bad decisions.
Parenting time
A divorce will result in families getting separated. The minor children will end up under the custody of one parent. Divorced parents do not share a home. An arrangement schedules the time children spend with their parents. The time a child spends with each parent is what we call parenting time in Michigan. The court can grant one parent primary physical custody. That parent often receives a significant amount of parenting time. The other parent receives less. Shared physical custody does not necessarily entail equal parenting time. It often does or comes close to it though.
A parent who has sole legal custody will enjoy the right to make decisions for the child’s upbringing. The parent gets to decide about school, religious orientation, and medical care. The most important advantage is having more parenting time than the other parent.
What are the responsibilities of a custodial parent?
The current realities of a family determine the dynamics of the individual members. These dynamics will change when a family breaks up because of divorce. A custodial parent’s responsibilities may not change much but it will be challenging. A custodial parent is now a single parent. Of course, it may not change much in the way things are done but it will be heavier. Before, there was the other parent easing the load (or maybe not for stay-at-home moms). Still, we have expectations of what custodial parents are responsible for.
Physical care
The custodial parent is the most proximate being always around the child. You have to be around to be able to change diapers, breastfeed them, or take them to the pediatrician. You have to be physically present to give them a hug, help them with school, or take their temperature.
Education
The custodial parent carries the responsibility of deciding matters of education. The choice of quality education is a great part of that decision. After that is the task of enrolling the child. Then comes the daily grind of homework and attending school functions.
Health
The custodial parent ensures the child gets regular medical checkups and preventive care. We already expect that but health care is not only checkups and medical care. There’s the daily nutrition to worry about. There’s the daily worry of allergies and the challenge of protecting mental health.
Safety
It’s the custodial parent’s job to ensure the safety of the child. Short of being a member of the Secret Service, a custodial parent has to worry about a long list of dos and don’ts. You have safety at home to worry about. You have to supervise the child’s daily activities. There’s a host of natural hazards at home already. Ensure the safety of the child while with others like in school. Teaching the child about safety.
Clothing
Custodial parents are responsible for children’s clothing. This is in every way a literal conversation about clothing. Clothing every day. Clothing for school, for bed, for Halloween, for grandma’s visit, for church. It is providing the child with appropriate clothing for all occasions. We mean this literally.
Financial support
The custodial parent is going to be providing financial support also. Yes, we know you’re supposed to get child support but child support does not arrive every day. You’re really out of pocket until it arrives. There are a lot of little expenses bugging you every single day.
Discipline
Discipline is as important as education. You are the parent most proximate and most consistent around the children. The custodial parent is in the best position to instill discipline. Discipline should be done in a consistent and loving manner.
Decision-making
The custodial parent is already making decisions about upbringing. The parents make decisions about religion when they go to a religious service or a function. The choice of religious education is part of this decision-making. The decision on extracurricular activities is a decision to help with education.
Communication
The custodial parent also carries the responsibility for communication. We don’t mean this to be only communicating with the child. We meant communicating in a consistent and regular manner with the non-custodial parent. You can’t work together unless you’re communicating. In a joint effort in the care of the children, you need to tell your co-parent what’s up with the children. The custodial parent needs to update the non-custodial parent about school activities. Non-custodial parents would want to know about the child’s needs.
The list above are general responsibilities we expect custodial parents. There could be more depending on many things. Children can evolve and force you to add more to these responsibilities. Your environment at home and at work can also change your scope of responsibilities. Still, these responsibilities will be lighter if your co-parent works with you.
How can you work with your co-parent to improve custody arrangements and parenting time?
You may not want to hear this said so many times but as a custodial parent you need to work with your co-parent. There’s little room for debate about this. This is true especially if the court has ordered the arrangements. This is how you can work with your co-parent so that you won’t be seen as an alternative to a babysitter. Consult an experienced Michigan family law attorney when modifying custody schedules and parenting time.
Have an open and honest communication all the time
We already said that you need good communication to work with your co-parent. You need it even more to improve custody arrangements and parenting time. Share your thoughts and feelings. This can be a bit risky because you’re going to be vulnerable in expressing your feelings. You can temper this vulnerability by listening to your co-parent. Listen to their thoughts and feelings as well. Listen to support and not to reply.
Set regular times to communicate
You can schedule these chats for once a week, twice a week, or once a month. Of course, what works best for you and your co-parent will determine this. Maintaining the discourse is the most crucial thing.
Be consistent
Consistency is the key. You won’t get it right the first time. There’s too much awkwardness going around. Keep showing up. Keep talking to each other on the set schedules. Be consistent with your parenting schedule. It will get easier over time. As a co-parent, you have time until your children get to be 18 years old.
Be respectful
It may be hard to ignore the pain and challenges of the divorce. You need to move forward with this. Even if you disagree with your co-parent you need to be respectful. You need to show your children what respect means through your own behavior. Avoid name-calling, avoid insults, and other forms of disrespect. After all, your ex-spouse is still a parent to your children.
Be willing to compromise
No co-parenting relationship is exactly alike. So are parenting styles. It is important to be willing to compromise on this. You may have to give up something so you can move a few steps ahead. If it helps your sanity and makes your children happy, go right ahead.
Be willing to admit you need professional help and seek it
You will have very difficult times. We never underestimate the pain that divorce brings. We can only help if you acknowledge the pain and admit that you need help. Seek out therapy. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not an admission of mental instability. It is an admission that you are in pain and you need help. Some people will need this kind of help but some people are focused. They find relief in seeking out solutions to their legal problems. This kind of help you will find here. Starting with this article. If it’s urgent, you will find a button here to get a quick consult. There’s always a sympathetic ear and a highly professional voice at the other end at Goldman & Associates Law Firm.
The goal of co-parenting and your custodial role is to raise happy, healthy children. Try as much to focus on what is best for the children. And hope your co-parent sees it the same way too. This may be your only way to be successful in surviving and thriving as a parent.
Can one parent deny a co-parent parenting time?
You, as a parent, are thinking about denying the other parent visitation time. Understand the law. Parents are not allowed to deny the other parent access to their children under the law. Before denying your co-parent access to the children, you must have a good cause. Timetables for parenting are established. The amount of time that non-custodial parents spend with their minor children is already set by a court order. The Circuit Courts in Michigan are in charge of upholding the parental time schedule. A parenting timetable essentially functions as a court decree. A parenting time court order is based on a statute, which is found in the Michigan Compiled Laws. The parenting time schedule is outlined in the Child Custody Act.
Every county has a Friend of the Court (FOC) to assist the Family Court. The FOC will typically investigate custody and visitation disputes and provide recommendations. For decisions regarding child support, parenting time, and custody, the FOC offers recommendations. Without a court order, you cannot contest parenting time in Michigan. You run the danger of being found in contempt of court if you deny the other parent visitation time. In Michigan, it is always necessary to have a good reason before denying a parent visitation.
Can your child opt out of parenting time?
Parenting and the link between parents and children are very important. Laws, federal and state policies, and state policies all protect them. It is out of the parents’ control how much time they spend with their children. To keep the family as close-knit as possible, it is enforced. Children under the age of 18 cannot decide for themselves which parent they will live with. Children cannot object to compulsory visits under a custody agreement. The rules need to be followed by parents and children alike. It is the primary physical custodial parent’s duty to coerce an unruly child into participating in parenting time.
Children are not permitted to refuse visits. A custody order must be obeyed to enforce parenting time until the child turns 18 years old. The parenting time schedule must be followed by both parents and children. Adolescents can find it difficult to get to do anything they strongly oppose in particular as they age. Use mediation services, if possible. The Friend of the Court provides these services. You could also look into counseling options.
What you can do if your ex-spouse can’t keep up with the intentions of the custody and parenting time order?
Make sure that your order has precise parenting time clauses that the court may enforce. An example is the number of overnights per month or the drop-off time. If you ask them to, the FOC is obligated to assist you in creating your written complaint. The FOC will inform the other parent of your child of your complaint. A complaint must be filed not more than 56 days after the parenting time violation.
Beyond 56 days the FOC might decide not to take any action. Orders for parenting time and custody must be carried out by the FOC. The FOC has a representative who only deals with enforcement-related concerns in numerous counties. If you think the other parent has disobeyed the provisions of your custody or parenting time order, you can submit a formal complaint to the FOC to begin enforcement procedures.
Action FOC can take
The FOC will urge you to try to settle the conflict on your own. The other parent ignores the complaint or your dispute cannot be settled. The FOC has the authority to impose make-up parenting time. It can file a motion to change the parental time schedule. It can also ask for a show cause hearing order.
Show cause hearing
The judge will determine whether the other parent of your child is in contempt of court for disobeying the order during a show cause hearing. The judge will also select the appropriate remedies. You should appear at any hearing the court schedules to determine show cause. The FOC can be informed of the custody or parenting time infraction and the remedy you wish to request from the court.
There may be violations that are not specified in your arrangement. For example, your child was returned to you with personal items missing. Your co-parent can make parenting time challenging for you. A Michigan court can only make the provisions of your order effective. Resolve these unanticipated difficulties with the other parent. If it doesn’t work you can always submit a motion for a fresh order that takes these concerns into account.
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