When parents separate or divorce in Michigan, creating a parenting plan is a smart step. This plan acts like a rulebook for how you will raise your child together while living apart. Thinking ahead about details can prevent many arguments down the road.
Why is a Detailed Parenting Time Schedule So Important?
Clear Expectations: The most basic part of a parenting plan is the schedule. It clearly states when the child will be with each parent. This avoids confusion and arguments about who is supposed to have the child on any given day.
Consistency for the Child: A set schedule helps children feel secure because they know what to expect. It lets them know when they will see each parent. This routine is often very important for a child’s well-being after parents separate.
- Regular Weekends: Specifies which weekends the child spends with each parent (e.g., alternating weekends).
- Mid-Week Time: May include an overnight or dinner visit during the school week.
- Exchange Details: Should state the time and place for picking up and dropping off the child.
- Reduces Conflict: A clear schedule leaves less room for disagreements about timing.
- Provides Structure: Helps both parents and the child plan their lives.
- Legally Binding: Once approved by the court, the schedule is an enforceable order.
Real-Life Example: Sarah and Tom had constant arguments about weekend pickups. Their parenting plan now clearly states Tom picks up the kids Friday at 6 PM and Sarah picks them up Sunday at 6 PM, stopping the weekly confusion.
What Holidays and School Breaks Should Be Included?
Avoid Future Arguments: It’s easy to forget details when making a plan. Forgetting holidays or school breaks leads to arguments later. A good plan includes everything, so you don’t have to say, “Oops, we forgot Easter!”
Use School Calendar: Get a copy of your child’s school calendar. This helps you include national holidays like Martin Luther King Day and also school-specific days off, like teacher record days. Planning for these specific days, especially if they create long weekends, prevents future conflicts.
- Major Holidays: Specify how holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Passover, etc., are divided or alternated.
- School Breaks: Clearly state the schedule for Winter Break, Spring Break, and Summer Vacation.
- Long Weekends: Include rules for three-day weekends created by national or school holidays.
-
- Mother’s/Father’s Day: Usually spent with the respective parent.
- Child’s Birthday: How will this special day be shared or celebrated?
- Parents’ Birthdays: Sometimes included for brief visits or calls.
Real-Life Example: Maria and Ben’s plan uses the school calendar. It clearly states they alternate Spring Break each year and split Winter Break in half, avoiding arguments when school schedules are released.
How Should Parents Communicate About the Plan?
Setting Communication Rules: A parenting plan should talk about how parents will communicate about the children and the schedule. Agreeing on the method, like email or a parenting app, can help keep things organized. This avoids missed calls or confusing text message chains.
Keeping it Civil: Sometimes communication between ex-partners is difficult. The plan can set basic rules for respectful communication focused only on the child’s needs. This helps keep adult disagreements separate from co-parenting responsibilities.
- Preferred Method: Agree on using email, a specific co-parenting app (like OurFamilyWizard), or text messages for different topics.
- Response Time: Set reasonable expectations for responding to non-emergency communications (e.g., within 24 or 48 hours).
- Tone and Content: Agree to keep communication respectful and focused on the child.
- Emergency Contact: Ensure both parents have updated emergency contact information for each other.
- Information Sharing: Decide how school notices, medical updates, etc., will be shared promptly.
- Dispute Resolution: Briefly mention how minor disagreements will be handled first (e.g., try to discuss directly before involving lawyers).
Real-Life Example: Jen and Dave’s plan states all non-emergency communication about schedules must be through email, with a required response within 48 hours. This created a clear record and reduced “”he said, she said”” arguments over texts.
Should the Plan Specify Rules for Requesting Changes?
Handling Special Requests: Life happens, and sometimes schedule changes are needed for special events or opportunities. The parenting plan can include rules for how to make these requests. This creates a fair process for everyone.
Notice Periods: For example, the plan might say if a parent wants consideration for a special holiday or event, they must email the request two weeks (or some other agreed time) beforehand. Having set parameters allows time for discussion and avoids last-minute demands that cause stress.
- Required Notice: Define how far in advance requests for schedule changes must be made (e.g., 14 days for non-emergencies).
- Method of Request: Specify how requests should be made (e.g., via email).
- Response Deadline: Include a timeframe for the other parent to respond to the request.
- Holiday Variations: Rules might differ for requesting changes to major holidays versus regular weekends.
- Right of First Refusal: Consider including if a parent needs childcare, they must offer the time to the other parent first.
- Flexibility Clause: Acknowledge that parents can mutually agree to minor changes without court approval, but should confirm in writing.
Real-Life Example: Anna’s family reunion requires having her son during her ex’s weekend. Their plan says she must email the request 30 days in advance. This gives her ex time to consider it without feeling pressured by a last-minute demand.
How Can We Address Extracurricular Activities and Safety?
Activity Agreements: Children are often involved in sports, music, or other activities. The parenting plan can outline how decisions about enrolling in activities are made. It can also discuss managing the schedule and transportation for these activities.
Discussing Safety Concerns: Some parents have different views on safety for certain activities, like snowboarding or contact sports. The plan can state that parents must discuss and agree on potentially dangerous activities beforehand. This ensures both parents are comfortable with the risks involved.
- Decision Making: Who decides which activities the child participates in (jointly, or one parent has final say)?
- Scheduling Conflicts: How are activity schedules managed alongside the parenting time schedule?
- Cost Sharing: How will the costs of activities (fees, equipment) be divided?
- Transportation Duty: Who is responsible for taking the child to/from activities during each parent’s time?
- Safety Veto: Can one parent reasonably object to an activity based on safety concerns? Define this process.
- Communication: Ensure coaches/instructors have contact info for both parents.
Real-Life Example: Because Mark worries about concussions, his parenting plan with Lisa requires them to mutually agree before their son signs up for tackle football. They agreed soccer was okay without needing a special discussion each season.
What About Healthcare Coverage During Travel?
Planning for Emergencies: If the parenting plan allows for travel, especially out of state, it’s smart to discuss healthcare. Does the child’s health insurance work in the location they are visiting? Knowing this ahead of time is important.
Insurance Portability: Check if your insurance plan covers emergency visits in other states or countries. The plan can require the traveling parent to carry insurance cards and consent forms. This ensures the child can get medical care if needed while away from home.
- Insurance Information: Require parents to exchange current insurance card copies.
- Emergency Consent Forms: Include authorization for the traveling parent to consent to emergency medical treatment.
- Coverage Check: Encourage parents to verify out-of-area coverage before trips.
- Sharing Medical Info: Ensure both parents promptly share information about any medical issues or allergies.
- Primary Care Physician: List the child’s regular doctor and dentist contact information.
- Payment Responsibility: Clarify how uninsured medical costs incurred during travel will be handled (often split per the main order).
Real-Life Example: Before their Florida trip, Paul confirmed his child’s Michigan-based insurance covered emergencies nationwide. He also got a signed medical consent form from the child’s mother, as required by their parenting plan, just in case.
Should Travel Rules (Chaperones, etc.) Be in the Plan?
Setting Travel Guidelines: Beyond healthcare, the plan can include other rules about travel. This might involve notice periods, sharing itineraries, or communication during trips. Thinking about these details helps manage expectations.
Addressing Chaperones: Sometimes questions arise about who accompanies the child on trips. For instance, can a parent’s new partner or friend act as a chaperone? The plan can set guidelines for this, like requiring parents to discuss introducing new partners before overnight trips.
- Travel Notice: How much advance notice is needed for out-of-state or international travel?
- Itinerary Sharing: Should flight numbers, hotel info, and contact numbers be provided?
- Child Communication: Rules for the child calling the non-traveling parent during trips.
- Chaperone Approval: Require discussion or agreement before non-family members supervise overnight.
- Passport Control: Who holds the child’s passport? Conditions for international travel consent.
- Travel Cost Allocation: How are child’s travel costs (e.g., plane ticket if parents live far apart) divided? Addressed more in the main Michigan child custody order.
Real-Life Example: Amy and Chris’s parenting plan requires 30 days’ notice for any out-of-state travel and requires sharing flight and hotel details. It also states significant others cannot stay overnight with the child during trips until introduced for six months.
How Do We Handle Introducing New Partners During Visits or Trips?
A Common Conflict Point: Introducing a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiancé(e) to the children is often a sensitive issue. A parenting plan can provide guidelines to make this process smoother. It helps avoid surprises and potential conflicts.
Setting Expectations: The plan might include agreements about when and how new partners are introduced. It could specify waiting a certain period, meeting the other parent first, or rules for overnight stays and travel, like separate hotel rooms initially. Addressing this proactively prevents big arguments later.
-
- Timing of Introduction: Agree on waiting until the relationship is serious (e.g., 6 months) before introductions.
- Meeting Co-Parent First: Some plans require the new partner to briefly meet the other parent beforehand.
- Gradual Introduction: Start with short, casual meetings rather than immediate overnight stays or vacations.
- Overnight Stays: Define when overnight stays involving a new partner are appropriate.
- Travel with New Partner: Rules for including a new partner on trips (e.g., separate rooms, notification).
- Child’s Comfort Level: Emphasize considering the child’s feelings and readiness.
Real-Life Example: To avoid conflict, Mike and Nicole’s plan states new partners will only be introduced after 6 months of dating, and overnight stays won’t happen until after 1 year. They also agreed the partner needs separate sleeping arrangements on any trips for the first year.
What Other Details Prevent Future Arguments?
Thinking Ahead: A detailed plan tries to anticipate future disagreements. Think about potential “stumbling blocks” unique to your family. Addressing them now creates a “standard operating procedure” for later.
Specific Examples: This could include anything from rules about screen time consistency between homes, dietary restrictions, or how decisions about religious upbringing are handled. The more potential issues you address clearly, the fewer reasons there are to argue or go back to court.
- Discipline Consistency: General agreement on major discipline rules or approaches.
- Screen Time/Technology: Guidelines on usage limits or types of content.
- Dietary Needs/Restrictions: Ensuring consistency for allergies or health needs.
- Religious Upbringing: How decisions about religious education or attendance will be made.
- School Choices: Process for deciding on schools if not already determined.
- Communication with Third Parties: Rules about parents contacting doctors, teachers, coaches independently or jointly.
Real-Life Example: Because their child has a severe peanut allergy, Sam and Alex included a detailed section in their plan about checking food labels, informing caregivers, and carrying an EpiPen at all times in both households.
Why Does Planning Ahead Create a “Standard Operating Procedure”?
Reducing Uncertainty: Life with kids brings unexpected situations. Having a detailed parenting plan acts like a manual or “standard operating procedure.” When a situation covered by the plan comes up, you already know the agreed-upon way to handle it.
Less Need for Constant Negotiation: Instead of arguing or guessing each time something happens (like a holiday request or travel question), you refer to the plan. This saves time, reduces stress, and helps maintain a more stable co-parenting relationship. It gives both parents and the child predictability.
- Clear Rules: Provides answers to common co-parenting questions.
- Reduces Ambiguity: Minimizes gray areas that can lead to fights.
- Saves Time and Money: Avoids constant negotiation or needing lawyers for minor issues.
- Promotes Consistency: Helps ensure similar rules and expectations in both homes.
- Empowers Parents: Gives parents a framework they created (or the court ordered) to follow.
- Focus on Child: Allows parents to focus more on the child and less on conflict with each other.
Real-Life Example: When deciding who gets the kids for a specific school holiday not initially listed, Laura and Kevin checked their plan’s procedure. It said unlisted school holidays attach to the upcoming weekend parent, resolving the issue without an argument.
Where Can I Get Help Creating a Michigan Parenting Plan?
Professional Assistance: Creating a truly comprehensive plan can be challenging. An experienced Michigan family law attorney can help you think through all the potential issues. They know what details are important to include based on Michigan law and common conflicts.
Tailored to Your Family: A lawyer helps tailor the plan to your family’s specific needs and circumstances. They can help draft clear language that minimizes loopholes and future disagreements. Getting professional help ensures your plan is thorough and legally sound. You can explore options via Michigan family law FAQs or direct consultation.
- Legal Expertise: Attorneys understand Michigan laws regarding custody and parenting time.
- Experience with Issues: They know common problem areas and how to address them proactively.
- Drafting Clear Language: Lawyers help write enforceable provisions that are easy to understand.
- Negotiation Support: They can help negotiate terms with the other parent or their attorney.
- Court Approval Process: Ensure the plan meets court requirements for approval.
- Objective Perspective: Provide guidance based on law and experience, not just emotion. Learn more from this video: What to Include in Your Parenting Plan.
Real-Life Example: David and Susan felt overwhelmed trying to create their plan. Their attorneys helped them identify key issues like handling travel costs and communication protocols, resulting in a detailed agreement they both understood.
Extra Insights on Parenting Plans
Be Specific But Realistic: While detail is good, avoid making the plan overly rigid or controlling about minor daily decisions in the other parent’s home. Focus on the big picture: schedules, major decisions, safety, and communication protocols that promote consistency and reduce conflict. Plan for Future Changes: Acknowledge that children’s needs change as they grow. Include a provision for how parents will review or potentially modify the plan in the future, perhaps through mediation or periodic discussion, before heading back to court unless necessary.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. Is a parenting plan required in Michigan?
While not always mandatory unless ordered by a judge, creating a detailed parenting plan (often as part of the custody order) is highly recommended to avoid future conflicts.
2. What’s the difference between a parenting plan and a custody order?
A parenting plan details the specifics (schedule, rules), while the custody order legally establishes legal/physical custody and incorporates or references the parenting plan, making it enforceable.
3. Can we just write our own plan without lawyers?
Yes, parents can agree on a plan. However, having lawyers review it ensures it’s comprehensive, legally sound, and clearly written before submitting it to the court for approval.
4. What if we can’t agree on certain parts of the plan?
You can use mediation to help reach agreements, or ultimately ask the judge to decide the disputed terms based on the child’s best interests.
5. How detailed should the holiday schedule be?
Very detailed. Specify exact start/end times (e.g., Christmas Eve 6 PM to Christmas Day 1 PM), and which parent gets which holiday in odd/even years.
6. What is “Right of First Refusal” in a parenting plan?
It’s a clause stating if one parent needs childcare for a significant period (e.g., over 4 hours), they must offer the parenting time to the other parent before calling a sitter.
7. Can a parenting plan include rules about discipline?
It can include general agreements on major discipline approaches (e.g., no physical discipline), but usually avoids dictating minor, day-to-day parenting choices.
8. How do we handle costs for activities mentioned in the plan?
The plan (or the support order) should specify how extracurricular activity costs are divided between the parents, often proportionally to income or equally.
9. What if the other parent doesn’t follow the parenting plan?
Since the plan is usually part of a court order, violations can be addressed by filing a motion for enforcement or contempt with the court.
10. Should the plan address the child’s communication with the other parent?
Yes, it often specifies reasonable telephone or video call access for the child with the non-present parent during each parent’s time.
11. Can we put rules about social media posting about the child in the plan?
Yes, parents can agree on guidelines regarding posting photos or information about the child online to protect privacy.
12. How often should we review the parenting plan?
While the court order remains in effect, it’s good practice for parents to informally review the plan annually or as children’s needs change, and formally modify it through court if significant changes are needed. More info on Michigan parenting time is available.
Create a Clear Roadmap for Co-Parenting: A detailed parenting plan is essential for reducing conflict and providing stability for your children after separation or divorce. If you need help creating or modifying a parenting plan in Michigan, contact Goldman and Associates. Call or Text us at (248) 590-6600 or visit our website to schedule your free consultation. Visit ChooseGoldman.com for more information.