It can be a very hard time when a judge has to choose where a child will live. A judge looks at many things to pick what is best for a child. This guide helps fathers see what mistakes can hurt their case to care for their child.
Why Must I Follow a Judge’s Rules?
Showing You Are a Good Dad: A judge will give you rules to follow. When you follow all the rules, it shows the judge you can be trusted. It makes the judge feel that you are a good choice to care for a child.
What Happens If You Break Rules: If you do not follow the rules, the judge will think you are a bad choice. The judge may feel you will break other rules later on. This is a very big mistake that can make you lose the right to have your child live with you.
Rules the judge will watch:
- Child Support Money: Did you pay the money for your child on time?
- Seeing Your Child: Did you follow the plan for when you can see your child?
- Coming to Court: Did you show up to court when you were told to?
Why following rules helps you:
- It Builds Trust: It shows the judge you respect the law.
- It Shows You Care: It tells the judge you are serious about being a good father.
- It Helps Your Child: The rules are there to make sure your child is cared for.
A Real-Life Example: Bill was told to pay money for his son each week. He often paid late. The judge saw this and felt Bill could not be counted on, which hurt his case for his son’s care.
Will Using Drugs or Alcohol Hurt My Case?
How a Judge Thinks About Safety: A judge’s first job is to keep the child safe. A judge who thinks you use drugs or drink too much will worry about the child. The court takes this very, very seriously.
You Must Have Proof: The other parent cannot just say you have a problem. They must show the judge proof. This proof can be police reports or tests that show you used drugs or drank alcohol.
Kinds of proof that matter:
- Police Papers: Papers from the police about a car crash from drinking.
- Test Results: Tests from a doctor that show you used drugs.
- People Who Saw It: Friends or family who saw you use drugs or drink too much.
How to keep your case safe:
- Stop All Use Now: The best thing to do is to stop using these things.
- Get Help If You Need It: Show the judge you are getting help for your problem.
- Tell Your Law Helper: Tell your helper with the law everything so they can help you best.
A Real-Life Example: Sue had photos of her ex, Mike, drinking near their child. The judge saw this proof. The judge said Mike had to go to special classes and could only see his child when another adult was there.
Is It Bad to Move or Change Jobs a Lot?
Kids Need a Life That Is the Same: A child needs a life that does not change all the time. A judge wants to see that a father can give his child a home and life that are the same day to day. This means a safe home and a job to make money.
A Life That Changes Too Much: If you move a lot, it is hard for a child to feel safe. It is also hard if you change jobs all the time. A judge might see a dad who can’t keep a job as a dad who can’t give a child what they need. Signs of a good, steady life:
- The Same Home: Living in the same house for a long time.
- The Same Job: Having one job for a good amount of time.
- The Same School: Keeping your child in the same school with their friends.
Signs of a life with too much change:
- Moving All the Time: Moving from one house to the next every few months.
- New Jobs Often: Having many jobs in one or two years.
- Not Enough Money: Not being able to pay for rent and food.
A Real-Life Example: One dad had four jobs in one year and lived in three different homes. The mom had the same job and home for many years. The judge chose the mom to have the main care of the child because her life was more steady.
What if I Was Not Around Much in the Past?
The Judge Looks at What You Did Before: A judge will look at how much you were part of your child’s life before court. The judge wants to see that you have always been there for your child. It is hard to ask for more time if you did not use the time you had before.
What It Means to Be a Part of Their Life: Being a part of your child’s life is more than just seeing them. It means you are there for all the big and small things. The judge sees this as proof that you care.
Ways to show you are a big part:
- Go to the Doctor: Be at the doctor with your child for check-ups.
- Talk to the Teacher: Go to school meetings to see how your child is doing.
- Go to Their Events: Show up for their games, plays, and other fun things.
Signs you are not a big part:
- Missing Big Days: Not being there for a birthday or school award.
- Not Knowing Names: Not knowing the name of your child’s teacher.
- Not Calling Much: Not calling to talk to your child and ask how they are.
A Real-Life Example: A dad asked for his child to live with him. But he had never been to a school meeting. The mom had a big book of all the child’s school work, which showed the judge she was a big part of the child’s life.
Can I Show the Judge I Am a Good Dad Now?
You Can Start to Build a Better Case: Yes, you can show the judge you are a good dad, but you must start now. Do not wait for the judge to tell you what to do. The best time to show you are a great father is before you go to court.
What You Do Is Key: The judge will care more about what you do than what you say. If you have not been a big part of your child’s life, it is time to do more. Your hard work now can make a big change in what the judge decides.
Things you can do today:
- Call the Doctor: Call the doctor’s office to make the next visit for your child.
- Write to the Teacher: Send a short note to your child’s teacher and ask how you can help.
- Make a Call Time: Set up a special time to call and talk to your child each week.
Why it helps to start now:
- It Shows You Try Hard: It tells the judge you care without being told to.
- It Builds a Good Story: It gives you new, good things to show the court.
- It Is Good for Your Child: Your child will be happy to see you trying so hard for them.
A Real-Life Example: Tim knew he was not around much for his girl. For six months before court, he went to all her games and helped with her school work. His law helper showed the judge pictures of this, which helped Tim get more time with his girl.
How Should I Act in Court?
Show Respect to the Judge: How you act in court is very important. A judge wants to see that you are calm and tell the truth. If you get mad or argue, it will only make you look bad to the judge.
Talk About Your Child: When you talk, you should always talk about what is best for your child. Do not talk about what is best for you. This shows the judge that your child comes first, which is very good.
Good ways to act in court:
- Wear Nice Clothes: Wear clean clothes to show you are serious.
- Talk in a Calm Voice: Do not yell at the judge or the other parent.
- Tell the Truth: Always tell the truth, even if it is hard.
Bad ways to act in court:
- Making Mad Faces: Do not roll your eyes when the other parent talks.
- Blaming Other People: Do not say everything is the other person’s fault.
- Lying to the Judge: Lying in court is one of the worst things you can do.
A Real-Life Example: In court, a dad named Dan kept talking when it was not his turn. He looked mad. The judge wrote down that Dan’s way of acting showed he could not work with the child’s mom in a calm way.
How Can a Helper with the Law Aid Me?
They Know the Rules of the Court: A good helper with the law knows all the rules for your state. They know what judges look for and can help you get ready. Our team of Fathers’ Rights Attorneys in Michigan can help you.
They Can Speak for You: A helper with the law can talk for you in court. They can help you say things in the right way. They can also find proof that helps your case and helps you not make small mistakes.
What a law helper can do:
- Give You Good Ideas: They can tell you what you should and should not do.
- Do the Paperwork: They can fill out all the court papers for you.
- Talk to the Other Side: They can talk to the other parent’s law helper for you.
How to find a good law helper:
- Look for Their Past Work: Find one who has worked on cases like yours before.
- Ask Them Questions: You can ask them about how they have helped other dads.
- Make Sure You Feel Good: Pick a person who you feel good talking to.
A Real-Life Example: A dad named Joe tried to do his case by himself and missed a date for his papers. The judge did not let him show his proof. He got a law helper later, but the error had already hurt his case.
What Is Child Support and Why Is It Key?
Money to Help Your Child: Child support is money paid to help raise a child. This money pays for things like food, clothes, and a safe place to live. A judge sees paying this money as a very important job for a parent.
How It Changes Your Case: If you do not pay this money on time, the judge will think you do not care about your child’s needs. This is a very big problem. Our Michigan Child Support Attorneys can tell you all the rules.
What this money pays for:
- Daily Needs: Food for the child to eat and clothes for them to wear.
- Health Needs: Doctor visits and medicine if the child is sick.
- School Needs: Books, paper, and other things for school.
Errors you must not make:
- Paying It Late: Not paying on the day the judge told you to.
- Paying Too Little: Not paying the full amount the judge ordered.
- Not Paying at All: This is a very bad error and has big results.
A Real-Life Example: A dad bought his child a new toy instead of paying the child support money. The toy was nice, but the judge was not happy. The judge said the money ordered by the court must always be paid first.
Extra Ideas: What You Post Online: A judge can see what you post on the web. Pictures of you at parties or mean words about the other parent can be used to hurt your case. Be very careful what you put on the web.
What a Child Wants: A judge may ask an older child what they want. But the judge will make the final choice. The judge’s job is to do what is best and safest for the child, which may not be what the child wants.
You Can See More in Our Videos: You can see a full video on How a Father Can Lose a Custody Battle to learn more. Also, see our other videos on How A Father Can Win A Custody Battle and find out What Fathers Should & Shouldn’t Do In A Custody Battle. These short videos give you clear tips.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. Can I lose if my house is not clean?
A home that is not safe or clean can be a problem. A judge wants the child to have a safe, clean home.
2. Will it hurt my case if I yell at the other parent?
Yes, it can show the judge you cannot work with the other parent. This makes it hard to raise a child as a team.
3. What if my child says they want to live with me?
A judge might listen to what an older child wants. But the judge makes the final choice for what is best for the child.
4. Can I move to a new town?
Moving far away can be a problem for the child’s school and friends. You might need to ask the court if you can move.
5. If I make more money, will I win?
A good job helps, but it is not the only thing. A judge cares more about a parent’s love and care for the child.
6. What if the other parent tells lies about me?
This is why you need to have proof. A good law helper can help you show the judge what is true.
7. Do I have to pay for a law helper?
Yes, you must pay for your own law helper. But a good one gives you a much better chance to win your case.
8. Can I make a tape of calls with the other parent?
The rules on this are not simple. You should ask your law helper before you make a tape of anyone.
9. What if I work at night?
A night job can be hard. You must show the judge you have a good plan for child care when you are at work.
10. How does a new partner change my case?
The judge will want to know about any new person in your life. That person must be a safe and good person for your child.
11. What is the main thing a judge looks for?
The main thing is what is best for the child. This means the child’s health, safety, and joy.
12. How do I show I am a good dad?
Show it by what you do each day. Be there for your child, give them what they need, and give them a safe, loving home.
Get the Help You Need Now: This is a lot to do all by yourself. You do not have to. Our team at Goldman & Associates helps dads in Michigan with these cases every day.
Contact Us:
Phone: (248) 590-6600 (You can Call or Text)
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Website: Go to ChooseGoldman.com to see more.