Does infidelity matter in a divorce? When does infidelity enter into play as a consideration in a divorce? No-fault divorce laws apply in Michigan. It implies anyone can file for divorce without proving fault. A principle like that implies that cheating is irrelevant. We don’t have to identify the party to blame in a no-fault divorce. Cheating is irrelevant when filing for divorce. So, when does cheating matter in a divorce?
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Does cheating have other consequences? The answer is yes it does. Cheating can be significant during property division. It is significant for deciding who keeps the minor children. Your divorce may not be influenced by infidelity. It can make negotiation more difficult. You might need to persuade the judge that infidelity was the reason the marriage failed. This makes cheating relevant.
Does cheating matter in a Michigan divorce?
We’ve always mentioned this in our blogs. We’ve shown it in our videos. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state. The fault is not relevant in filing for divorce. People ask us if infidelity, what we know as cheating, has an impact on divorce. We’ve always answered no. Unless some law changes something next week. The answer will still be no. Cheating may have some effect on other matters. It can have relevance in child custody. In some way, it will have an impact on spousal support. To the spouse who got cheated, we are not saying infidelity is not important. We say it is not relevant in the legal aspect of divorce. It does not drive the decision of the court to move forward with your case. We acknowledge that there will be a lot of emotional aftershocks in the discovery. In the revelation of infidelity after a spouse is found out. As your counsel, we cannot pretend to know the pain it inflicts on you. What we do know is we can find a way to lessen the impact of infidelity on the other aspects of your divorce. We can’t make it any easier. It won’t be any less painful for you. What we can do is keep you moving forward. Keep your focus. In this way, we can help you achieve the outcomes we agreed on when we took your case. So, let’s talk about cheating where it matters.
What is the relevance of infidelity in a child custody case?
Children have a special weight in the scale of justice in the Michigan family court system. Their interest will always be top of mind. It will take precedence over other determinations. Between your pain as a parent and the pain of a child, family courts will take a knee to check on the child first. It’s the way it is in family courts. When we talk of infidelity, it wo n’t make a dent in divorce. The court will look into the effect of infidelity on your children. It will make queries into the impact on the child’s emotional well-being. The impact on their psychological state.
Impact on Parent-Child Relationship.
Infidelity may not be a factor in divorce. If infidelity is affecting the parent-child relationship, the court may look further. The court may not remove the parent from the custody role based on infidelity. The court will determine the level of distress it brings to the child. It will look into the role of infidelity in causing a parent to neglect the child. Let’s look into some examples of how cheating affects child custody:
- The infidelity must have led to emotional distress. It led to neglect of the child. The court may find that the parent is not fit to have custody of the child.
- The infidelity led the child to lose trust in the parent. The parent is unable to provide emotional support to the children.
- The infidelity increased the conflict between parents. The child is better off living with the other parent.
Moral Fitness of the Parent.
People see infidelity as a sign of poor moral fitness. Weakness in character. A sign of dishonesty. A sign of irresponsibility. It means a parent lacks commitment. Not all courts view infidelity this way. Some courts believe infidelity is a private matter. It should not be considered when making custody decisions. Focusing on infidelity to shore up your argument for gaining custody may not always work. The court has other factors to consider. A dozen factors.
Risk of Introducing Harmful Elements.
Parents may be underestimating the impact of extramarital affairs on children. They may not realize the risk they are exposing their children. The introduction of a stranger into their lives. Add the pain and confusion of witnessing their parent’s infidelity. Let’s take a look at some of the risks:
- The exposure to inappropriate language. Exposure to inappropriate behavior.
- The exposure to people who should not be around children.
- The exposure to situations that are emotionally harmful. Situation with a high risk of physical harm.
Parental Alienation.
There can be situations where one parent alleges infidelity. It is part of a broader strategy to alienate the child from the other parent. You may be surprised by what lengths parents do to undermine their ex-spouse to win in custody cases. The court may scrutinize the motives behind such allegations. It will look into the impact they may have on the child. Parental alienation is a serious issue.
Parent’s Emotional Stability.
Courts may be biased for children but they still need to worry about parents. The well-being of children is tied to the emotional health of parents. The emotional stability of parents affects the children. The mental well-being of each parent is an essential consideration in child custody cases. Infidelity can cause significant emotional turmoil for one of the parents. It may influence the court’s decision on custody. Infidelity can be a very emotionally traumatic experience for the betrayed. It can affect the unfaithful spouse as well. Guilt has a haunting effect on the unfaithful partner. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and anger. Parents may be having difficulty coping with stress.
What is the relevance of infidelity on spousal support?
What is the relevance of infidelity on spousal support?
Remember this. Spousal support is not automatically granted in every divorce case. Spousal support is often awarded when one spouse has a significant financial need. The other spouse has the ability to provide financial support. A court’s perspective about what is equitable can change if there is infidelity.
Effect on Financial Contributions.
Infidelity has a way of eating at family finances. An unfaithful spouse can find ways to divert household money. Use that money to support an extramarital affair. The other spouse may not even know the drain on the family’s cash. It may have been going on for months or years already. The court looks into the factors that may unfairly affect finances:
- The amount of money that was diverted to the extramarital relationship.
- The length of time that the infidelity lasted.
- The impact of infidelity on marital finances.
Economic Misconduct.
In some cases, infidelity may be considered a form of economic misconduct. Economic misconduct is an action that dissipates marital assets. It reduces the total marital estate. Infidelity often leads to excessive spending on an affair. It drives hidden financial transactions. The court may consider it economic misconduct. It could affect alimony awards. Economic misconduct can mean the following:
- Excessive spending on an affair. An unfaithful spouse may have been splurging. Spending on an extramarital relationship. This could be considered economic misconduct. The money spent on the affair could have supported the marital household. It could have been savings for retirement.
- Hidden financial transactions. A spouse hides financial transactions. This can be economic misconduct. The spouse is taking money out of the marital estate. Keeping it without the other spouse’s knowledge. Hiding cash without the spouse’s consent.
Financial needs of the spouses.
It is not easy dealing with infidelity. The pain gets more intense as you know more about it. The more you know the financial loss the more painful it gets. The court sees the innocent spouse’s financial needs. The duration of alimony is a factor the court may consider. It is relevant when making spousal support decisions. The court will order spousal support for a shorter period of time. Often the innocent spouse becomes self-supporting. The innocent spouse may have suffered financial hardship. It is a result of infidelity. The court may order spousal support for a longer period of time. The innocent spouse may have to retrain for a new career. Pay for child care.
Standard of Living.
The drain on resources due to an extramarital affair can ruin the standard of living. The court may consider this when calculating alimony. The innocent spouse’s standard of living is compromised. The marital coffers were reduced. The excessive spending on an extramarital affair drained marital resources. It could be a factor in awarding a higher alimony amount.
What is the cost of infidelity?
The cost of infidelity can be more than the cost of divorce. The cost may have already started taking its toll loxng before the divorce was filed. Your spouse has already started spending on an affair long before you had any clue. It’s the first wave of loss. There’s more to it than gifts.
The Emotional Cost.
Infidelity can be devastating to the betrayed spouse. It leads to feelings of hurt, anger, and loss of trust. The distress and emotional cost cuts across the family. The pain of others needs the help of a professional counselor. Healing is long. Healing itself has its own cost.
The Legal Cost.
You know hiring a lawyer will start the hourly rates going. If you can’t help yourself, you will use the divorce process for revenge. You will resort to being uncooperative. Unresponsive. You prolong the process. You end up paying more for lawyer fees. Add court fees for frivolous motions. This tactic might even cost you more if you get slapped with penalties and fines. Control yourself. The faster you get over a divorce, the less pain it will be for you.
The Financial Cost.
Infidelity can have financial repercussions during and after divorce proceedings. Prolonged divorce battles can lead to increased legal fees and costs. Marital assets were used to finance the affair. Extramarital expenses can impact the division of assets. It can affect property during property division negotiations. The court may consider any financial misconduct. The court will look into the dissipation of marital assets. It will determine the equitable distribution of property. A UK retail store did a study on American spending habits that revealed the cost of infidelity. The typical affair lasts six months and costs about $2,600 overall. According to the study it covered hotel costs, meals, and beverages. It included presents and extracurricular activities like going to the movies. There’s really more to it like the cost of secret cell phones, secret credit cards, and airline tickets.
Child Custody and Support Considerations.
We’ve already mentioned that infidelity may not affect child custody decisions. A betrayed spouse may harbor resentment. Resentment can get in the way of proper co-parenting of the children. The animosity prevents the parents from working together. The betrayed spouse doesn’t trust the unfaithful spouse. The loss of trust is disabling. Ex-spouses co-parenting can’t talk to each other. They can’t agree on schedules. Each moment is an opportunity to instigate a fight. The betrayed spouse has lost emotional connection. They may be struggling to cope with the fallout. The betrayed spouse is finding it hard to be in the moment with the children.
Reputation and Social Cost.
Infidelity once discovered is like Pandora’s box. Once it’s out. Nothing goes back in the box. It’s out there. It tarnishes the reputation of the unfaithful spouse. Family is affected. Friends start to distance themselves. The fallout led to strained relationships with loved ones. The affair itself is embarrassing public knowledge. Your personal life is left out in the open. Your professional life is never the same again.
How to move forward after an affair and a divorce?
Your ex-spouse might have already gotten over the guilt of betraying you. The betrayed spouse will probably deal with fallout longer. You have lost financially. Lost friends too while wallowing in pain. See your real friends during the worst times. What you should not lose is your sense of self.
Your marriage is done. Embrace it. Move on.
You have to let go. The judgment of divorce is out. You need to follow it. Run through it as you run through a grocery list. Just tick it off. Move to another task in the list. It will be unreal to think you won’t be in the same house. Now you have a schedule.
Your spouse had an affair. You did not cause it.
It hurts. It was shameful. It causes pain. Confusing. Feel all of that. Take it in. Don’t feel guilty about your ex-spouse’s affair. However, the way your ex-spouse made it appear, you did not cause the infidelity. Your ex-spouse chose that affair. Your ex-spouse had free will to choose not to do it. Your ex-spouse chose otherwise.
Grieve. You need to.
You are grieving not for your ex-spouse but for the loss of the life you lived. Embrace the grief. Take the pain in. Move forward regardless. Go into therapy if you have to. Be with friends again if you have to. Start now.
Stop drowning in legal matters.
You have a lawyer representing you. You’ve talked with your lawyer already. About the divorce agreement. Let your lawyer handle it. Let your lawyer focus on finishing the divorce. Start your healing. Divorce has a process. Your lawyer knows it. You won’t lose a beat.
Take a super effort to smile. Fake it if you have to.
Trick your brain into an uplifting mode. You’ll lower your stress this way. You’re not denying what you feel. It’s awful. We know. Smile, just try. Go look at something cheerful. Greet a neighbor. It may just do the trick.
Don’t forget to be tested.
Your spouse had an affair. Went home for dinner. Went to bed with you. Have yourself checked for STDs. It’s difficult. It’s infuriating. It’s a pain all over again. You need to take care of yourself. You will have sexual relationships in the future. Be safe. Be sure.
Build your circle of friends again.
The turbulence that came with divorce kept you looking inward. You probably started withdrawing from people close to you. Divorce is over. Almost. Start building your circle of friends again. Your own safe place.
Start setting long-term goals again.
Your grief. Your being alone can give you clarity. The loss of many things can give you the drive to start over. Set goals. Plan. Focus. Start doing something that matters to you.
Start unlearning and relearning. A divorce can either be the end of something. It can also be the start of something. Reflect on your marriage. Revisit your role. How could you have done it better? Don’t dwell on the awful things. It’s done. It’s in the past. Start with what you can do better. It forces you to move forward. To look at opportunities rather than looking down to pick up broken pieces of your life. Ask your attorney. A good one would tell you the same thing.
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