You have to move on from fighting divorce to taking care of your children. Engaging with your children between separate households is tricky, if not weird. Problems with talking to your children are going to happen. There will be issues with phone calls or visits. You need to address these issues. You will be sad if you don’t. It’s confusing to children. Tension will start to build up between you and your co-parent.
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Talking to your co-parent should help. Most often it does. If not, a judge can help. A lawyer can give you advice. Mediation is always an option in these matters. These options are meant to make things better especially for the children. In the end, love should bridge all the communication gaps. It should mend fences when conflict arises. Courts want parents to continue being present in their children’s lives. Once you understand this, the court expects you to make things happen. Continue the conversation.
What Are the Rules for Speaking to My Child When They Are With My Ex?
Michigan allows parents to talk to their children when the other parent has them. But too many calls can disturb their time together. It is best to call only when needed. Call for reminders. Call to say goodnight. Talk to your child. It can be tricky while they’re with your ex-spouse. Here are ways to keep that talk with your children.
Respect Their Time. It’s important not to call too much. Your child spends time with your ex and constantly calling can interrupt that.
- Call at good times, like before bed or after school.
- Don’t call too often or it might feel like you’re always checking in.
Keep It Positive. Keep the talks light. Be friendly. Don’t talk about grown-up problems or argue.
- Focus on your child. Ask about your child’s day. What they did. How they’re feeling.
- Your ex should never be on the agenda. So stop asking much about your ex. Focus on your child instead.
Work Together with Your Ex. It’s helpful to talk to your ex. Talk about when and how you’ll engage with your child.
- Agree on some rules about calls and messages. Everyone should know what to expect.
- Let your ex know if there’s anything important happening, like changes in plans.
Give Them Privacy. Your child needs some space to feel comfortable. Don’t invade their privacy. Not when they’re talking to you. Make sure they feel free to talk. Open to discussing anything with both parents without feeling awkward.
Follow the Rules. If you have a court agreement or a parenting plan, follow those rules.
- Stick to any guidelines that are written down in your custody agreement.
- If you’re not sure about something, talk to a professional or lawyer to get help.
- Sometimes things get tricky with parenting time. You might want to talk to a mediator or counselor. They can help with advice just for your situation.
What Should Be in the Guidelines? Here are some things parents often include in the guidelines. The guidelines are all about talking to each other.
Parent-to-Parent Communication. Parents may need to share important information about their children.
- Keep each other updated on things. Stay informed about school events, doctor visits, and after-school activities.
- Have rules about how to communicate during an emergency.
- Agree on how to discuss and decide about the child’s care and rules.
Parent-to-Child Communication. There are often rules about when and how parents can talk to their children.
- Set rules for how often each parent can call or message the child while the child is with the other parent.
- Make sure the child has some private time to talk with both parents.
- Keep conversations positive and supportive. Don’t talk about fights or problems between parents.
Conflict Resolution. If there are problems with communication, parents might need some help.
- Agree on how to get help from a mediator or counselor if things get difficult.
- Always be respectful when talking to each other, especially in front of the child.
Parenting guidelines help create a safe and supportive home for the child. Clear rules about communication make sure everyone feels heard and respected.
Am I Allowed to Contact My Child During My Ex’s Parenting Time?
You can reach out, but it should not happen too often. A short call for an important reason is okay. Calling too much may cause problems and should be avoided. In Michigan, you can contact your child during your ex’s parenting time. But, it depends on what your custody agreement says. Keep these in mind:
Check Your Custody Agreement
- Look at your custody agreement to see if it has rules about contacting your child.
- Follow the rules if they’re there to avoid any problems.
Talk with Your Ex
- Your custody agreement doesn’t have clear rules.
- Talk to your ex about how and when to contact your child.
- Try to work together. Agree on a plan.
Respect Time
- Make sure your calls or messages don’t interfere with your child’s time and activities with your ex.
- Keep your conversations friendly.
- Focused on how your child is doing not on any problems between you and your ex.
You might be unsure about your rights. You might feel things aren’t going well. It might help to talk to a Michigan family lawyer. They can give you advice on your specific situation.
Can Calling Too Often Be a Problem?
Yes, too many calls can take time away from the other parent. It can also make the child feel caught between both parents. Keep calls short and only when needed. Calling too much can cause problems. Your child needs time to enjoy being with your ex. Too many calls can make things harder for them and may lead to tension with your ex.
Why Calling Too Much Can Be a Problem
- Disrupts Their Time. Your child should be able to have fun and focus on their time with your ex.
- Drives Stress. If you call too often, your child might feel pressured or stuck between parents.
- Upset Your Ex. Too many calls may feel like you don’t trust your ex to take care of your child.
- Might Lead to Stricter Rules. Your ex might limit calls if they think it’s becoming a problem.
How to Keep Communication Healthy
- Talk to Your Ex. Decide on a good time and how often to call.
- Choose the Right Moments. Calling before bed or after school is usually better than at random times.
- Keep It Short and Kind. A quick call to check in is fine, but long or repeated calls can be too much.
Your child should feel comfortable and happy in both homes. A good balance helps them feel loved while still enjoying time with each parent.
Is There a Cap to How Many Calls I Can Make to My Child?
There are no strict rules about calls. Frequent calls are not a good idea either. A short, meaningful call is better than checking in all the time. The child should enjoy their time with both parents. There is usually no strict limit on how many times you can call your child. But calling too much can cause issues. It’s important to respect your child’s time with your ex. Find a good balance.
What Can Affect Call Limits?
- Custody Agreement. Some agreements set rules for when and how often you can call.
- Your Ex’s Rules. If there are no legal limits, your ex may still set boundaries.
- Your Child’s Needs. Too many calls might interrupt school, activities, or family time.
How to Handle Phone Calls Fairly
- Check Your Custody Plan. See if there are any rules about calling.
- Talk to Your Ex. Agree on a fair plan that works for everyone.
- Ask Your Child. Make sure they feel comfortable with the number of calls.
- Keep Calls Short and Friendly. A quick check-in is fine, but too many long calls can be overwhelming.
The goal is to stay connected without making things stressful. A little planning can help keep communication smooth and fair for everyone.
My Ex Blocks Calls to My Child, What Can I Do?
Your ex-spouse stops you from calling. Try to talk to your co-parent calmly. If they do not agree, you may need legal help. A lawyer can explain your rights. Walk you through the next steps. You’re losing contact with your child. That can be upsetting. You may feel frustrated. You’ll be unsure of what to do. You’ll need help dealing with this obstruction to your time with the children. Here are some steps that might help you connect with your children again.
- Talk to Your Ex. Have a calm conversation with your ex. Explain why regular communication is important for your child. Sometimes, a simple discussion can solve the issue.
- Keep Track of What Happens. Write down each time you try to call or message your child. Save any texts or emails that show your ex is blocking contact. If you need legal help later, this information can be useful.
- Consider Mediation. A mediator or counselor can help you. You and your ex can work out a solution. You’ll need a neutral space where both sides can be heard.
- Get Legal Advice. If your ex still won’t allow contact, a family lawyer can help. They can explain your options and tell you what legal steps to take.
- Take the Matter to Court. Other efforts might fail. You may need to ask a judge to step in. The court can enforce the custody agreement. The judge can make sure your ex follows the rules.
Your child deserves more. They need to have a relationship with both parents. Stay patient and take the right steps. In time, this can help fix the problem. If needed, a lawyer can help protect your rights.
How Can I Fix Problems About Contacting My Child?
We already know how hard divorce and custody cases are. It can be even harder for children. Ruining opportunities for talking to any parent will make it worse. Sometimes we can help but do so much of it or none at all. If calls cause problems, try to work out a plan with your ex. You might not agree. A lawyer or court may help set fair rules.
What Drives These Issues? Communication issues might be influenced by many things.
- Court Orders. In the course of a divorce or even after, courts define the conduct of custody and parenting time. These orders dictate when parents can be with their children.
- Not Following the Order. Parents at times ignore court orders. This starts a series of issues. One parent may refuse contact with the children. A parent may not return the child on time.
- Arguments. We expect arguments. It’s difficult to avoid conflict. Michigan courts prefer you don’t do it in front of children. It ruins the parenting time and the tone of the moment.
- Lack of Communication. The extreme side of communication is the lack or the total absence of it. Parents at times, don’t talk to each other at all. It sidetracks the chance to make plans for the child.
Even with all those mentioned issues, you don’t have to despair. If you love your children, you’ll find a way. Let’s find a way.
Making Things Better for Your Child. Love has a way of motivating parents. It has a way of motivating everyone. Of course, if you don’t love your children it will be different. If you don’t love children in general, divorce is the right decision for both of you. For those who love, let’s find the way.
- Talk to Your Co-parent. Try to talk with more calm. Focus on what best serves your child. You can always think of a new plan. You have to be willing to work together to do it.
- There’s Always Mediation. You can have a neutral person help you talk about solutions. Mediation can help you agree on a plan. A plan that works for you and the children.
- The Friend of the Court Helps. The Friend of the Court is a group in the court system that helps families in court cases. They can help you with mediation. We refer to this group as the FOC. They can also help you with other services.
- The Court Is Always an Option. Maybe you can’t agree. One of you can always ask the court to help. Judges can make changes to the original order.
Circumstances might be making things difficult to engage with our children. It might be a deliberate action by your co-parent. It’s best to start talking first. Get help from the FOC if it’s a bit difficult. You can always go back to court when things don’t work out. Remember that when you go to court, the outcome may no longer be in your hands. The outcomes might be fair but not necessarily what you want.
Is There a Right Way to Have a Conversation With My Children?
There are no air-tight rules. There is no established etiquette when engaging with your children during parenting time. There might be the best-recommended way to communicate as a parent. Let’s look at some of the best points to keep in mind.
- Keep the Conversations Positive. Always speak positively. Look at your child’s face and be positive. It shouldn’t be hard. Tell your child how your co-parent loves them.
- Be Honest but Age-Appropriate. Being honest is good. Not all things might be good for your child at a certain age. There is certain information suitable for the child’s age. Get acquainted with the level of understanding your children have.
- Avoid Adult Issues. Parents always have issues. These are adult issues. It’s great when you can talk about these issues among yourselves. You don’t need to involve your child in adult problems or conflicts.
- Encourage Open Communication. It’s great if your child knows they can talk to you. Be candid about their feelings and thoughts. It’s good to have children believe they can run to you when things are bad. And, bad times always come. It will be part of growing up.
- Respect Your Child’s Relationship with the Other Parent. You’re not the only parent who loves your child. Love is powerful when there’s more to give. The other parent can give the children a big part of that love. Respect it. Encourage your child to engage with your co-parent.
- Consistent Rules and Routines. Keep the rules and routines similar in both households. It keeps the children grounded. It provides stability for your child.
Children don’t come to this world with a Parent Manual. Parenting time guidelines are recent inventions. We have lots of guidelines under family law. We haven’t peg parenting and talking to kids into a science yet. The best we can give you are tips and things to avoid so you don’t make the most common mistakes. What we can assure you is we have the best advice for you not to make a mess with your parenting.
Do I Have the Right to Call My Child During My Ex’s Time?
Rights are great. A lot of rights are protected under the Michigan family law. You also must understand that it is always in context. A parent’s rights are not absolute if it compromises their children’s rights. Some subtleties need to be understood and appreciated. Most parents have the right to reasonable contact. Parents are allowed unless a court order says otherwise. Your ex-spouse blocks all contact. A lawyer can help you take action.
Understanding Your Rights. Doing what’s best for your child is so intertwined with the understanding of your rights as a co-parent.
- Court Orders. Court orders are supposed to be enough. It should be enough to define your rights in the context of custody and parenting time. As we said, read your orders carefully.
- Specific Instructions. Orders are very specific. It is with phone calls and schedules. Orders specify when to allow calls from a co-parent. It says how long and who should make the calls. Follow them.
- No Specific Instructions. Orders might not say anything about phone calls. You should not see this as not allowing you to talk to your child. It means there are no specifics.
- What Can You Do? You are in doubt. There are no specifics. What now? Here’s the best we can give you:
- Talk to Your Ex-Spouse. We’re hoping there’s only one co-parent. Find a way to agree on a plan specific to calls. Make arrangements that work for everyone. Be flexible. Be willing to compromise.
- Consider Your Child. Is it a good time for them to talk on the phone? Is it the other parent’s time? How often should you be talking? Think of what’s best for your child in these arrangements.
- Reasonable Calls. Be reasonable when making those calls. Don’t call too often or at bad times. Do the right thing even if your orders don’t say anything about calls.
- Emergency Calls. Court orders might be specific. You always have a right to call your child in an emergency. Emergency calls you can do no matter what the order says.
Your call might be the only thing you can do at the moment. It is important. Although you have rights, it cannot always be an excuse to disregard your co-parent. You want to talk to your child. The law says you can. You should. The co-parent must not get in the way of that. The court wants you to encourage your children to engage with the other parent. They expect you not to be the obstruction. They expect a good parent to think of the child’s well-being first.
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