Vengeful divorce. My ex is making me miserable. What do you do if your ex-spouse is hell-bent on making you miserable?
When two parties get divorced they turn over the jurisdiction of their marriage to the court. You are designating someone to be a referee in the person of a judge. Saying your spouse is vengeful is a perspective. It’s your description of how you are reacting to the other person, your spouse.
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Courts in Michigan don’t have to know what’s driving the divorce. It will grant any divorce for as long as it complies with statutes and there are no contested issues to resolve. The court will determine the outcome of your case with fairness and equity. The degree of vengefulness of your spouse is not a factor in your divorce.
Will a vengeful spouse be a factor in my divorce proceedings?
The courts in Michigan prescribe certain requirements before filing for divorce. There is also a host of requirements during the divorce process.
Spouses in Michigan will be complying with particular residency criteria. Couples must meet these criteria when seeking to dissolve their marriage. You must adhere to various state-specific requirements. These requirements must be correct and complete before submitting to the Michigan courts.
One spouse must have the residency requirements. You can consummate the marriage anywhere. Or where the other spouse resides at the moment won’t matter. Only the residency requirements matter.
If there are no children involved in the divorce, the waiting period in Michigan is 60 days.
Rendering divorce judgment within sixty days or less makes the divorce void. A court can waive the six-month waiting time. It’s a discretion allowed under Michigan law, but not the sixty-day one. The judge may shorten the waiting period when there is “severe hardship”. Or such an urgent need appeals to the conscience of the court. But never less than sixty days.
Following the filing of the complaint, the opposite party has a set period of time to respond.
The court sets a waiting period of six months for divorce in marriages with minor children. The Michigan judicial system faces significant pressure to render decisions in divorce matters. This pressure stems from the obligation to render decisions within a year. The majority of child custody disputes run more than six months. But they occasionally end sooner than a year.
There is an alternative to protracted court battles. The alternative is collaborative divorce.
In a collaborative divorce, parties agree to end the marriage without going to court. Instead, the parties consult with trained professionals. Your spouse and you will attend a court hearing as part of the collaborative law process. The parties request the court to ratify the agreement you two came up with together. Professionals assist in the process. The parties can safeguard their privacy. That while avoiding the hassle, cost, and unpredictability of divorce litigation.
A vengeful spouse can make any of the above proceedings difficult for you. Getting around it is going to be challenging but not impossible. Your spouse’s vengefulness is not going to be a factor in your divorce.
Do I need to worry about my vengeful spouse?
You’ll find bothersome behaviors in a vengeful spouse. In all the divorce procedures, all that behavior will now hound you. It will have many opportunities during the divorce process.
You will see it exhibited in the following phases of the divorce process.
You have a “cooling off” time throughout the waiting period.
The phrase “cooling off” period may not be the ideal word to use with a vengeful spouse. Think about all the things your vengeful spouse is about to do. Your spouse is going to be a difficult partner at home and at work. The waiting period presents an opportunity for your vengeful spouse. An opportunity to cause “minor” and “infuriating” troubles.
The filing of the divorce complaint.
Both of you were very vocal about it. It’s possible that you already knew it was coming. A vengeful spouse might want to enjoy the satisfaction of seeing your expression. Especially when they deliver the divorce papers as a “surprise”. In your situation, the surprise might be contextual. It can cause a grimace, jaw-dropping wrath, or annoyance. Your vengeful spouse will find satisfaction in it.
The response to the complaint.
Your vengeful spouse could want to wait until the very last minute to respond to the complaint. Although you can’t be sure if their attorney will enjoy it. To block the process from moving forward, your opponent might wish to respond at a turtle pace. Or take their time to almost any gesture to keep the process lagging.
Defying court orders.
Your partner can enjoy disobeying court orders to make you go around in circles. To spite you, a vengeful spouse can risk receiving a contempt citation. The lying part will come in helpful. Your vengeful spouse will resort to lying when the court mandates an inventory of assets. This is in preparation for the property division. A vengeful spouse may even use the children. The spouse can use children as a negotiating chip when it comes to parenting time and custody.
The discovery phase.
It is at the discovery phase that your vengeful spouse will lie and obfuscate to the best of their ability. The spouse will be reluctant, secretive, and use delay tactics. When delivering necessary documents and information, you won’t actually get anything discovered.
The arbitration or mediation process.
Delivering annoyance is the sole goal of being vengeful. Make you angry. Finding common ground is the aim of both arbitration and mediation. The only thing a vengeful spouse has in common with other people is their desire to knock you to the ground. Because the vengeful spouse won’t give in or compromise, there won’t be a middle ground.
Your vengeful spouse is going to try a lot of things to poke at you. Remember that courts have processes. Courts and judges follow a schedule. It can be slow but it will bring every case to an end. Stay focused because the court is single-minded when it comes to resolving your case. The court will do it within the schedule prescribed by law.
What should I do to deal with a vengeful divorce?
A vengeful spouse is a vindictive person. We talked about a vindictive spouse a while back in an article. The article was, “How To Deal With A Vindictive Spouse During Divorce In Michigan.” The article talked about what a vindictive spouse can do to you in the course of the divorce. Michigan subscribes to a “no-fault” divorce.
There is no secret to avoiding a vengeful spouse. Your partner is a person. That person is suffering. It’s your fault. It may be or it may not. It could be your spouse’s fault or undoing. The fields of psychiatry and psychotherapy are professions dedicated to treating such suffering.
Here are some things you can do.
Talk to your attorney.
Wizards won’t be necessary for divorce. You need a good attorney. So the first wise course of action is to hire a competent lawyer. One who shares your expectations for how your divorce will proceed. We advocate this. Hire a lawyer who shares your goals for how you and your spouse want the divorce resolved. Your lawyer may even have had success handling a vengeful spouse in the past. Your attorney knows the court processes and requirements.
Consider talking to your spouse.
We know it’s difficult. It’s challenging already because of the term vindictive. The conversation should be about the children instead of you and your spouse. You should try, especially if there are young children involved in the divorce. You must discuss how the divorce process affects the children. How being apart from them is its ultimate result. Both of you ensure that your children comprehend these concepts. You will need to explain things to them and work together. Not for your benefit or that of your spouse, but rather for the benefit of the kids.
Worry about the financial future of everyone.
Worry about child and spousal support. You must worry about finding a place to live and better ways to make a living. Adopting a collaborative mindset helps. It helps in maintaining the way of life and the standard of living of your children.
Be conscious of your behavior.
You must be deliberate in your actions. Your vengeful spouse is already after you. Avoid acting in a way that stokes your spouse’s resentment. You must also exercise discipline. You might bring a behavior as a response to your spouse with you. Your own children might witness how you react to your spouse.
When desperate, avoid using your children.
Don’t badmouth your spouse to your children out of frustration. Avoid doing it. It won’t be beneficial for your children. It won’t benefit you in any way when the court is deciding who gets to keep the kids, either. Do not try to earn your wife’s favor by using your child as leverage. Leveraging by preventing contact or limiting parenting time.
Do self-care for your mental and your emotional health.
Even the mere thought of divorce is stressful. A vengeful wife makes it much more challenging. Look for more innovative and effective ways to reduce your stress. If you think you need it, seek counseling or therapy. Identify your center. To maintain your attention on what’s important, gather yourself.
The court proceeds with a divorce regardless of what is motivating or causing it. In all the drama that surrounds divorce cases, the court focuses on the child’s best interest. The court sticks to the procedural and statutory requirements of the divorce case. And so should you.
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