Are there signs I should look for that my marriage is over? You answer that question. You’re the only one with the answer to anything about your marriage. You determine the outcome of your relationship. You can’t inquire about the telltale signals that your marriage is over from a stranger. Legally speaking, there is no absolute law that says this proves your marriage is finished.
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You are aware of the truth. You know when it’s over. Couples opted to divorce because they couldn’t agree on where to go on vacation. Others do it as a result of ongoing serial affairs. Each and every marriage is unique. Each has particular red flags. When you made the choice to get married, you followed your intuition. You have a similar sensation prompting you to dissolve your marriage. You don’t need an outsider to tell you.
69% of women compared to 31% of men file for divorce. This imbalance is brought on by women’s elevated and ultimately unmet expectations of emotional support from men.
16.9 divorces for every 1,000 married women are filed in the United States. This was the forecast for marriage and divorce for 2022 in the United States alone. According to experts, this figure more properly depicts the divorce rate than the simple number.
Marriage rates are declining as divorce rates have been rising. Between 40% and 50% of contemporary marriages will result in divorce.
What do we know about people’s reasons for leaving a marriage?
If you are a regular follower of our Legal Blog, you know Michigan is a no-fault divorce state. You don’t really need any compelling or weird reason to get a divorce. You just have to communicate that you have irreconcilable differences. There are legitimate reasons why couples seek divorce. The driver compels them to see an attorney and go through the process of ending a marriage.
Lack of commitment.
In research, a lack of commitment constantly came out on top. Participants made a choice from a list of key divorce-related causes. Up to 85% of participants in one study gave this kind of response. Infidelity was the problem that couples were most likely to agree on. Yet, the majority of the time, one spouse assigns guilt to the other. Couples frequently accuse one another of not working more to save the marriage.
Incompatibility and growing apart.
Many couples are able to tolerate and even enjoy their differences. The majority of happy partnerships are built on shared interests, objectives, and values. There are often overt signs of incompatibility present. Along with other well-known factors, such as poor communication, it contributes to divorce. The no-fault divorce decision made by politicians was the right one. They chose the no-fault divorce standard of “irreconcilable differences.” Up to 55% of participants in one study’s respondents support this. Divorced people claim that “we grew apart” or “we drifted apart” caused their marriage to fail. The absence of shared opinions or our early age was also mentioned. Growing apart is more likely as a result of this. Others cite issues with sexuality and religious diversity as causes. These have been associated with incompatibility as divorce reasons. Studies have mentioned each one.
Infidelity or unfaithfulness.
Every study that was looked at mentioned adultery or infidelity. It was the reason for somewhere between 20% and 60% of divorces. This wide range may claim that having an affair was the tipping point after a string of past marital problems. One partner may leave the marriage in search of intimacy as a result of these problems. They leave in search of fun or diversion. It may even be a tactic used unintentionally to persuade the other spouse to file for divorce.
Disagreement about money management.
In polls, about 40% of participants claim that money issues contributed to their divorce. The respondents express dissatisfaction with how their ex-spouse handles their finances. Financial incompatibility is a common term used to describe disagreements around money. They are caused by these conflicts over principles and goals when making financial decisions. Couples with lower incomes are more likely to divorce. It will be due to financial incompatibility. Couples worry more about being able to pay their bills. They have less money to spare. There is more conflict when money is involved. No matter how much money the couple makes together. The divorce process is characterized by ongoing arguments over finances and assets.
Communication issues.
About 50% of people attributed their divorce to communication issues in many studies. Arguments occur frequently, and communication is lacking. Many divorce-related problems may stem from poor communication. Conflicts over child custody and financial commitments result from it. Watch out for fights that frequently start over the same problem or issues. Even though they aren’t that violent or common, they never really come to an end. Take it as a hint that you need help in improving your communication skills. You might need couples therapy.
Substance or alcohol abuse.
Between 10% and 35% of those polled said their divorce was caused by drug or alcohol misuse. Alcohol and other drug addiction are severe problems. Domestic violence and addiction have a well-established link. Drug misuse does influence your decision to file for divorce, even if it is not a requisite.
Domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse was the primary reason for ending a marriage in 15% to 25% of respondents. More than one-third of elder divorced couples mentioned it. They cited it as the reason for their split. It is one of the three main reasons for their breakup. The other reasons were verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. Men and women have different views about domestic abuse as the reason for divorce. 9% of men and 42% of women identified domestic violence as a key contributing cause to divorce. Women are likely to experience intimate partner abuse. More abuse victims than abusers tend to attribute their behavior to divorce.
Conflicts managing family roles and responsibilities.
According to more than 20% of study participants, family obligations caused the divorce. Conflicts over the following were reported by those questioned among the participants:
[ a ] Looking after their children
[ b ] Responsibilities for child care and/or
[ c ] More domestic and familial obligations.
Women are far more likely than males to say that the burden of familial obligations was the main reason behind their divorce. Family obligations were hardly ever considered in prior studies. This might be because so many social scientists ignore or take for granted how gender roles function in marriages.
What signs are we looking for to know the marriage is over?
We collected some materials from experts. We also got some observations and insights from colleagues in the practice of family law. Here is an interesting collection of signs your marriage is in trouble. You heading towards divorce.
Slowing down on intimacy.
Every marriage will see changes in sexual desire over time. People have stronger sexual desires when they are first married. This desire wanes slowly later in the marriage. Couples find one partner desires it considerably less than the other. Women’s libido may diminish more sharply than men’s if a couple has children. You must be drawn to one another both emotionally and physically. These kinds of differences must be able to be reconciled by couples. A marriage may experience issues if there isn’t close sexual intimacy.
Thinking, living, and reflecting on being single.
It may be acceptable for a spouse to go out and socialize with some single pals. You start hanging out in singles spots. It becomes a weekly ritual. It’s a clue that you want a very different life. A developing disdain for your spouse may be indicated by acting as though you’re single. Marriage should evolve and flourish. It needs to have true respect for the other party. Expect your marriage will fail. You’re thinking about how wonderful it would be to be free of your spouse. To be out of your marriage, or single once more. You’re probably headed for a divorce. You spend more time thinking about getting away from your spouse. You do that more than you adore or enjoy their company.
Waning of respect for your spouse.
Respect between the partners is essential for a marriage to work. You ought to respect each other’s lifestyle and philosophical preferences. Respect is crucial in a marriage. Disregard your partner’s sentiments or treat them with contempt. Your marriage can dissolve. Recognize that everyone has unique wiring. Your partner shouldn’t be treated as though they need to change. Leave behind what makes them unique. A lack of respect in the union could lead to divorce.
You’re imagining a life without your spouse.
You should start considering whether your marriage will endure. Picture yourself living a completely different kind of life without your partner. Think 15, 25, or more years from now. The majority of married couples have a shared vision of how life will develop in the future. You’re imagining it alone. It’s one of the most obvious symptoms your marriage is finished.
You’re avoiding alone time together.
People in new relationships discover that they depend on one another. They crave as much time together as they can. People who have been married for a while tend to lose the novelty and thrill they initially felt. A certain amount of boredom is common. It is not acceptable to feel dreadful at the notion of spending time by yourself with your spouse. If you experience this, you should consider your motivations. You just need some alone time to fully appreciate all that your spouse has to offer.
You dislike your spouse.
Your marriage is in serious jeopardy if you discover that you no longer like your partner. There’s no more joy in your spouse’s company. Give this situation some thought. You are unable to name your spouse’s positive traits. You find it difficult to tolerate being around your spouse. You could have unrealistic expectations about marriage. Attend couples therapy. It might allow you to determine whether your marriage is salvageable.
You don’t feel pain imagining them with someone else.
Living together and sharing a life are two very different things. Couples may live together in some marriages, but that is all. They stopped caring years ago, emotionally. They have separate lifestyles, sleep in different rooms, and are not close to one another. They seldom ever express emotion or interact with one another. A subtle sign that your marriage might be ending. You consider your spouse to be your “roommate.” You can picture a life without them. A life where they are with someone else without feeling pain. You sincerely want them to be content as individuals.
I’m thinking of divorce. Should I ask my attorney for advice?
You’re not seeing a therapist. When you’re thinking of ending your marriage, you’re going to a divorce attorney.
Your head and your emotions should be about one thing. If you’re vacillating, don’t go. If you’re having doubts, then it’s not yet time to see your attorney. Get educated first about divorce. Check your prospective attorney’s website if there are insights you can learn from. Once you have decided, prepare for your first consultation meeting. Make it productive. Make the time count.
To prepare for that first meeting I suggest reading our article, “What Happens During an Initial Consultation With a Divorce Lawyer in Michigan?” and finding nuggets of advice on how best to prepare for your divorce.
Your lawyer cares about you and your circumstances. But, they simply need to maintain the greatest level of objectivity to serve you. Putting them in uncomfortable or inappropriate situations will not be good. Not for you and not for your attorney. You don’t want to spend too much time with an attorney just to vent to them.
Call your attorney only if you have important information to give. Call only if you have significant questions about a step in the divorce process. You are entering an unprofessional area if you call just to chat. Or, if you need only emotional help. You are paying for these phone calls. You shouldn’t use your attorney’s or your own time in vain or because of personal reasons. Engage a therapist to help you work through your sadness and disappointments. There’s a better use of that time and money.
You are at risk. You frequently talk incessantly about the particulars of affairs. You should be concentrating on the pertinent facts. Your inability to distinguish between a therapist and an attorney is clouding your objectivity. Maintain your attention on the pertinent facts and not on emotional issues.
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