High-conflict custody disputes in divorces can have a variety of factors. The bitterness will lessen if both parents attempt to focus on their children. There’s a decrease in disputes and animosity. In a divorce, children can be a bargaining chip. How do you prevent divorce battles and high-conflict custody?
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The divorce dispute grows heated. It heats up when parents use their children to further their hidden agenda. Escalation of the conflict occurs. It manifests in continuous motions and drawn-out processes. Parents need to be aware of the consequences of acrimony in divorce and custody. The fallout in using their children against the other parent. Drawn-out cases lead to uncertain conclusions and will have repercussions.
What is acrimony?
Acrimonious is when you approach something with a strong resentment or cynicism. Acrimony is about anger, bad feeling, and argument. There is bitterness in a divorce that is acrimonious. An acrimonious divorce happens when a spouse treats the other spouse so horribly. Reconciliation is completely impossible. Such a divorce is contentious and may get ugly.
Couples even when separated still have to face financial or childcare challenges. Divorcing couples may need to cross each other’s paths again. Many parties seek a smooth, amicable divorce just for this reason. Both partners must cooperate to find a constructive solution to their differences. Both partners must do so if a divorce is to be amicably finalized.
Divorces do not have to be contentious. It is possible to divorce amicably. There is a manner in which a divorce can be handled. It establishes the guidelines for resolving any subsequent disputes between two separating spouses. The difficult decision to get engaged in a divorce has already been made. There are strategies to prevent a bitter separation from occurring during your divorce.
How does acrimony affect children?
The Millennium Cohort Study gathered some insights about divorce and children. 32% of children of separated parents experience some sort of mental health problem. Children may experience a sense of loss as a result of a contentious divorce. The home and way of life of children can be lost. Children can move in with a new family and feel anxious about being left alone. Children can get caught in a contentious divorce. One parent may limit the other parent’s time spent with their children. This could result in brainwashing the child against the absent parent. It can ultimately result in parental alienation.
Children whose parents separate or divorce frequently quit school and can become pregnant. They turn to drug usage and other forms of substance misuse. Children may experience effects well into adulthood. A child witnessing their parents’ divorce may bear emotional scars for 40 years.
Children often suffer injury as a result of parental discord. Greater behavioral issues are seen in children whose parents divorced acrimoniously. This is compared to children whose parents divorced peacefully. Depression, anxiety, lower academic performance, and issues with trusting others plague their lives. It also includes higher health risks as one of the negative outcomes.
Acrimonious divorce has been connected to the weakening of a child’s immune system. This is a conclusion drawn by Carnegie Mellon University researchers. Children whose parents had an acrimonious divorce are vulnerable to diseases. They are three times more likely to contract common diseases up to 40 years later. Children whose parents got an amicable divorce were found to have less risk of having a weakened immune system. Their immunity is like children whose parents stayed together.
Colds and asthma are the most frequent diseases affecting children. These are children who have gone through a contentious divorce. Only children in contentious divorces suffered from long-term health issues. So, it is evident that divorce itself does not put children through a lot of stress; rather, it is the way it is handled. Amiable divorces do happen, and when children are involved, this is what should be pursued.
How will you survive an acrimonious divorce?
Take the path of an amicable divorce. A less contentious divorce has less stress, lower legal costs, and a faster resolution. If you can’t avoid acrimony in your divorce case, here are some insights to help you survive.
Bad behavior does not determine who you are.
Certain phases of the divorce involve your ex-spouse acting inappropriately. This enables you to be ready for when the behavior becomes problematic. You won’t get distracted from the greater picture. At least not for very long because you are prepared for this kind of behavior. Don’t let your ex-spouse’s action change who you are. Throughout your divorce proceedings, you should maintain your composure and serenity. This enables you to maintain control over the issue rather than escalate it.
Stay focused on the children. Communicate consistently with the co-parent.
If you have children, pay attention to them. Remember that you do not want to find your children in an unpleasant circumstance. Your children love you both, no matter how your ex-spouse behaves. You should continue to support your children. Respect their feelings just for this reason. For this same reason, maintain contact with your ex-spouse. Despite the anger and hostility your ex-partner displays, talk to your ex-spouse. Settling the difficulties can result in an efficient and quick divorce resolution.
Keep your support network.
Make sure you have a solid support system. Spend time with positive people who can reassure you throughout this difficult moment. This may help you maintain your composure. Divert your thoughts from the animosity and bitterness of your ex-partner.
A trial should be the final option for resolution. It should be the last resort whether the divorce was amicable or contested. Going to a divorce trial can be stressful. Your attorney will need to properly prepare your testimony. Gather more witnesses and get further evidence. Trials mean spending a lot of time and money. The more time your attorney takes to prepare and appear in court, the more money they will charge. It is not unusual for spouses to end up paying more in trial costs than in divorce settlements.
Learn about alternative dispute resolution.
There are many different litigation choices available in divorce processes. Choices include mediation, settlement conferences, and trial. Competent attorneys favor these methods. Contested divorces can be difficult to settle through mediation or settlement conferences. Even in the face of a trial, it is imperative to secure competent legal counsel. Seek counsel that is focused on settlement options.
How will you deal with a co-parent amidst acrimony in divorce?
Co-parent implies a form of collaborative or cooperative parenting. The idea that you are “co-parenting” could be a stretch in a contentious relationship. You might not be doing any parenting together daily. What matters is that you respect each other’s limits. You speak about matters of mutual concern. You refrain from including your children in the conflict. So, how do you deal with a co-parent after a face-off in an acrimonious divorce?
Here are some insights into co-parenting in an acrimonious divorce.
Describe your divorce in detail.
Work with your attorney to craft the divorce decree. Your spouse might try everything to derail it. Make the transition smoother for everyone involved. Tell your lawyer the specifics of parenting time. Specify the precise hours and conditions the children are picked up and dropped off. A good parenting time plan gets into the details. It can lessen tension if followed consistently. Infidelity or a lack of emotional support from one side can cause toxic divorces. You might not know how to reduce tensions between you and your spouse. This could make the divorce process drag on for months.
Think about your child’s welfare.
It’s reasonable to want your loved ones by your side when you’re upset and angry. Even if your ex-spouse was at fault, resist the impulse to bring up the subject with your children. The majority of specialists concur. Children perform significantly better when they have a loving relationship. A relationship with both of their parents. Put your efforts into giving your children this chance. The chance to experience love from both parents.
Choose reason over feeling.
Be careful not to let your ego get in the way of your logic in an acrimonious divorce. Your spouse might try to provoke you into another dispute about a topic related to your divorce. Your co-parent might be upset over previous events. Your co-parent can be upset with the divorce itself. Keeping your composure and maintaining your dignity can help. You can view things more clearly. Inform your co-parent you won’t speak to them anymore until you can have a calm conversation about the issue. If it’s not possible, let your lawyer represent you going forward.
Learn to overcome your excessively protective feelings.
The truth is you cannot protect your children from suffering hurt and disappointment. You can’t protect them from a parent who has failed them. Give your children helpful problem-solving techniques. Motivate them to get along well with their other parent. You can help them develop resilience. Keep your negative emotions to yourself. Try your best to work together while you create a new family dynamic after the divorce. In this way, you can support them in thriving in their own lives.
Accept your parenting styles will be different.
Accept your co-parent have a different parenting style. It can be fine as long as your co-parent is a safe person for your children to be around. You can’t be criticizing every choice your co-parent makes. Reserve your ire for contentious issues. Establish common ground while allowing for dissenting viewpoints. On one end of the scale are the laid-back, easygoing parents. On the other is the more regimented, ordered kind. On that continuum, there is a ton of room for variation. Not every parent raises their children in the same manner, but that does not make them terrible parents. Maintain perspective.
Set a positive example for relationships.
Showing your children how to handle conflict will help them succeed as adults. Care deeply, but debate politely. Respect and appreciate each other’s time. Avoid pulling your children into the conflict at all costs.
A marriage ends formally through a divorce. Sad to say, but once-in-a-lifetime relationships often end in divorce. One spouse could feel sad, stressed out, or even betrayed by the marriage. A once-loving connection has soured. A few easy strategies above can help you avoid a contentious divorce. It will save the time, money, and effort required for the legal process.
There is no assurance that you will achieve your goals in a divorce. While resolving divorce issues, judges must adhere to strict guidelines. Courts are only given a brief overview of both sides. You must choose an expert attorney if there is no hope of resolution other than a trial.
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.