Why This Matters: Thinking about a divorce is very hard. It can be a confusing time. Knowing what steps to take can make things a little easier. This guide will help you get ready. We will talk about what to do first to protect yourself and your family.
What Is the First Thing to Do When Thinking About Divorce?
Think About Your Goals: Before you do anything, take time to think. What do you want to happen? Think about your kids, your home, and your money. Knowing what you want helps you make a plan.
Talk to a Helper: The next step is to talk to a lawyer. A lawyer can tell you what to do. They can help you understand the rules. It is good to do this early. You can learn about the first steps before you talk to anyone.
What to Think About:
Your Children: Think about who will care for the kids.
Your Home: Decide if you want to stay in the home or sell it.
Your Money: Make a list of all the money and bills you have.
What a Lawyer Does:
Get Good Advice: A lawyer gives you advice for your case.
Learn the Law: They teach you about the laws in Michigan.
Make a Plan: You and your lawyer can build a plan for your case.
A Real-Life Example: Maria thought about divorce. She wrote down that she wanted the kids to live with her. She also wanted to keep the house. She brought this list to her lawyer, which helped them start a plan.
Why Is Talking to a Lawyer So Important at the Start?
Getting Good Guidance: A lawyer is like a guide. They have helped many people in your spot. Good Michigan divorce lawyers can give you a map for what is ahead. This can help you feel less lost.
Avoiding Big Mistakes: It is easy to make mistakes early on. A lawyer can tell you what *not* to do. For example, they might tell you not to move out of your home. This advice is very important.
What a Lawyer Does First:
Listen to You: They will hear your story and what you want.
Explain Your Rights: You will learn what you can and cannot do.
Protect You: They work to keep you and your family safe.
Why Early Advice Helps:
Feel More Confident: Knowing the plan makes you feel stronger.
Save Time Later: Doing things right the first time saves trouble.
Set Up for Success: A good start helps you get a better result.
A Real-Life Example: Tom wanted to move out to be with his parents. He met with a lawyer first. The lawyer explained why this could hurt his case for seeing his kids. Tom stayed in the home and was glad he got that advice.
What Papers Should I Get Ready for a Divorce?
Gather Your Money Papers: Before you file, you need to find all your money papers. As we talk about in our video on preparing for divorce, this means finding papers that show what you own and what you owe. Get them all in one safe place. This is a very important step.
Why You Need Them: These papers show the whole money picture of your marriage. Your lawyer needs to see them. The court will need to see them too. Having them ready makes everything go faster.
Key Papers to Find:
Tax Papers: Get your tax papers for the last few years.
Bank Papers: Find all your bank account papers.
Pay Stubs: Get copies of your and your spouse’s recent pay stubs.
Other Papers to Look For:
Loan Papers: This includes your house loan and car loans.
Retirement Papers: Find papers for any 401k or retirement plans.
Big Bills: Get copies of your power bill, water bill, and others.
A Real-Life Example: Sarah spent a weekend finding papers. She made copies of her bank papers and tax papers. When she met her lawyer, she had a neat folder. Her lawyer said this saved them a lot of time.
How Do I Find All My Money Papers?
Look in Your Home: Start by looking in your home office or desk. Many people keep important papers in a file cabinet or a safe. Look for folders labeled “taxes” or “bank.”
Check Online: Most banks and work places put papers online now. You can log in to your bank’s website. You can find papers there. You can also find pay stubs on your work website.
Places to Look:
Your Desk: Check all the drawers and files.
A Home Safe: If you have a safe, check for papers inside.
Online Accounts: Log in to your bank, credit card, and work sites.
What to Do with Them:
Make Copies: Make paper copies of everything you find.
Save Digital Files: Save online papers to a flash drive.
Keep Them Safe: Put all your copies in a safe place. This could be at a friend’s house or a new bank box.
A Real-Life Example: David could not find his retirement papers. He remembered he could log in to his work’s website. He found all his papers there and saved them to a flash drive. He gave the flash drive to his lawyer.
What Goals Should I Think About?
Having Clear Goals: Your lawyer will ask you what you want. It is better to have an answer ready. You do not want your lawyer to decide for you. Think hard about what is most important to you.
Writing Them Down: It can help to write your goals down on paper. This makes them clear in your mind. It also gives your lawyer a good place to start. You can change your goals later, but it is good to have a start.
Goals for Children:
Where They Live: Do you want the kids to live with you most of the time?
Shared Time: Do you want to share time with the kids evenly?
School Choices: What school do you want them to go to?
Goals for Things and Money:
The Family Home: Do you want to stay in the home? Or do you want to sell it?
The Cars: Which car do you need to keep?
Support: Will you need money to help pay your bills?
A Real-Life Example: Lisa knew she wanted to move to a new town. She wanted to take the kids with her. She told her lawyer this was her main goal. This helped her lawyer build a case to show why this was best for the kids.
Why Is It Bad to Move Out of the House?
A Very Important Tip: Many lawyers will give you this one tip. Do not move out of the home you share. Do not do this unless your lawyer tells you it is okay. It can cause problems later in your case.
How It Looks: Moving out can look bad. It might look like you left your family. It can make it harder to ask for things later. Always talk to your lawyer before you pack any bags.
Problems with Moving Out:
Your Things: It can be hard to get your things later.
The House: It might make it harder to ask to keep the home.
The Kids: This is the biggest problem. It can hurt your case for the kids.
Why Staying Can Help:
Shows You Are There: It shows you are a parent who is always there.
Protects Your Claim: It helps your claim to the house and your things.
Keeps Things Normal: It helps keep life normal for your children.
A Real-Life Example: Mark was very unhappy. He moved out of the house to get some space. Later, he asked the judge for shared time with his kids. His wife’s lawyer argued that he left the kids. This made Mark’s case much harder.
What About the Kids If I Move Out?
Leaving the Children: If you move out without your children, it creates a bad picture. You are leaving the kids in the home with the other parent. This can be used against you in court.
Making Your Case Harder: Let’s say you later claim the home was a bad place for them. The other lawyer will ask, “If it was so bad, why did you leave them there?” This makes your argument look weak. It creates a bad look for you.
How It Looks to the Court:
It Looks Like You Left Them: The judge might think you left your kids.
It Looks Like You Agreed: It can look like you agreed the other parent should care for them.
It Hurts Your Words: It makes it hard to say you are the main caregiver.
What to Do Instead:
Talk to a Lawyer: Ask your lawyer what to do about the kids.
Ask for a Court Order: Your lawyer can ask a judge for help. This is something lawyers who handle children’s cases do. They can ask for an order about who the kids live with while the case is open.
Stay in the Home: If it is safe, stay in the home. You can live in a separate room.
A Real-Life Example: Karen moved out and left the kids with her husband. She later told the judge her husband was not a good parent. The judge asked her why she left the kids with him for two months. This hurt her case for getting the kids.
Is It Ever Okay to Move Out of the Home?
The Big Exception: Yes, there is one very big exception. Your safety is the most important thing. If you are in danger, you should leave. This is true if there is harm or threats of harm.
Talk to Your Lawyer Right Away: If you are in this spot, you must act fast. Call a lawyer right away. They can help you make a safety plan. They can also get help from the court to keep you safe.
If You Are in Danger:
Leave and Go Somewhere Safe: Go to a friend’s house, a family member’s, or a shelter.
Call for Help: Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Call a Lawyer: Call a lawyer as soon as you are safe.
How a Lawyer Can Help:
Get a Court Order: They can ask a judge for an order to keep you safe.
Make a Plan for the Kids: They can help you get the kids to a safe place.
Explain to the Judge: They will tell the judge *why* you had to leave. This way, it does not hurt your case.
A Real-Life Example: Anna’s husband was very angry and broke things. Anna was scared for her and her kids. She left and went to her sister’s house. She called her lawyer the next morning. The lawyer went to court and got an order to keep the husband away from Anna.
How Does a Lawyer Help Me Make a Plan?
Building a Plan: A lawyer helps you build a plan. This is like a map for your divorce. It helps you see what steps to take and when. Your lawyer will help you build this plan.
Moving with Confidence: When you have a plan, you feel better. You are not just guessing what to do. You can move forward with more confidence. You know what to expect next. This makes a hard time a little less scary.
Parts of the Plan:
Your Goals: The plan starts with what you told the lawyer you want.
Your Papers: The plan uses the money papers you gathered.
The Law: The lawyer adds the Michigan laws to the plan.
How the Plan Helps You:
See the Big Picture: You can see all the parts of your case.
Make Good Choices: You can make smart choices, not emotional ones.
Know Your Next Step: You always know what you need to do next.
A Real-Life Example: Bill was worried about his small business. His lawyer made a plan. The plan included getting the business valued. It also had steps to protect it. Bill felt much better knowing they had a plan for this.
What Happens After I Get All My Papers and Goals Ready?
Filing the Case: After you are ready, the next step is often filing for divorce in Michigan. This is the official start of the divorce case. Your lawyer will prepare these papers for you. You will need to read them and sign them.
What Comes Next: After filing, your spouse will get a copy of the papers. Then, the process of sharing information begins. Your lawyer will guide you through all of these steps. You can learn about the basic steps for filing. Being ready makes this part much smoother.
The First Court Papers:
The First Paper: This is the paper that asks for the divorce.
The Summons: This paper tells your spouse that a case has started.
Other Forms: There may be other forms about kids or money.
Why Being Ready Helps:
Less Stress: You already have your papers, so you are not rushing.
Clear Mind: You already know your goals, so you can focus.
Strong Start: You are starting the case from a strong position.
A Real-Life Example: When it was time to file, Maria was ready. She had her papers and her list of goals. Her lawyer filed the first paper. Maria felt calm because she knew she had done her homework. She was ready for the next step.
More to Know
A Note on Your Case: Every divorce case is different. Your case will have its own special facts. What worked for your friend may not work for you. This is why getting advice from a lawyer just for you is so important.
Thinking About the Future: This process is hard, but it is about moving to your new future. The steps you take now are to build a good start for that future. Try to focus on one step at a time. Your lawyer is there to help you through it.
We Are Here to Help: Preparing for a divorce is a big job. You do not have to do it alone. The team at Goldman and Associates is here to help. We are a family law firm in Michigan. We can help you get ready and guide you through the process. If you have questions, please reach out to us. We will be glad to help you.
Contact Us Today: Call or text us at (248) 590-6600. You can also visit ChooseGoldman.com to set up a free meeting. We are ready to listen to your story and help you make a plan.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How much does a divorce cost?
The cost is different for every case. It depends on how much you and your spouse agree.
2. Does Michigan have a waiting period for divorce?
Yes. If you have no kids, the wait is 60 days. If you have kids, the wait is six months.
3. Do I have to go to court?
Not always. If you agree on everything, you may not have to go to court for a trial.
4. Who gets the house?
This is something you and your spouse will decide, or a judge will. The court will divide all things from the marriage fairly.
5. What if my spouse and I agree on everything?
This is good. It means your case will be faster and cost less. A lawyer still needs to write the final papers.
6. What papers do I need to start?
You need tax papers, bank papers, and pay stubs. Your lawyer will give you a full list.
7. Can I get money for support while the case is open?
Yes. Your lawyer can ask the court for money to help you pay bills during the divorce.
8. What if my spouse hides money?
Lawyers have ways to find money. Tell your lawyer if you think this is happening.
9. Do I need a lawyer if we agree?
It is a very good idea to have a lawyer. They can write the final papers to make sure you are protected.
10. What should I *not* do during a divorce?
Do not post about your case on social media. Do not make big money purchases or move out of the house without talking to your lawyer.
11. How is time with kids decided?
The judge will look at what is best for the child. Many things are used to make this choice.
12. What if I am scared of my spouse?
Your safety is first. Tell your lawyer right away so they can help get you protection.