Mediation is like having a helper guide talks when people disagree. This helper is called a mediator. It helps solve problems without going to a judge. Knowing if you must go is key in family law.
Do I Have to Go by Law?
The Rule: Usually, the law does not say you *must* go to mediation. Only a judge can order you to go. If a judge does not order it, you can choose not to go. But think hard before you decide.
Judge’s Order: Sometimes, a judge tells you to try mediation. This is common in family cases in Michigan. Judges want you to try to agree before a court fight. Make sure you know if a judge told you to go.
Why a Judge Might Order It?
Save Time: Courts are busy. Mediation can end cases faster.
Help Families Talk: It helps people find answers together.
Save Money: Court fights cost more than mediation often does.
How to Know if You Must Go?
Read Court Papers: Look closely at papers from the judge.
Ask Your Lawyer: Your lawyer will know if the judge ordered it.
Check Local Rules: Some courts have special rules for mediation.
Example: Mary and John are splitting up. A judge told them they must try mediation for their kids. Mary does not want to go. But she must go because the judge ordered it.
Why Do Judges Like Mediation?
The Main Goal: Judges suggest mediation so people can fix their own problems. It gives you a chance to work things out in a fair way. The big idea is to agree without a judge deciding it all.
Try Your Best: Mediation is your chance to really try to settle things. The judge hopes you will take it seriously. It is often a good way to find answers that work for all.
Good Things About Trying Mediation:
You Have a Say: You help make the deal, not just the judge.
Less Worry: It can be less stressful than court.
Talks are Private: What is said usually stays out of court.
Why Judges Push for It:
It Works: Many people make deals in mediation.
Good for Kids: It is better when parents can agree.
Helps Courts: It frees up judges for other cases.
Example: Paul and Sue argue about who gets the house. The judge suggests mediation. This lets them talk with a helper and agree on the house. They avoid a big court fight.
Can Problems Be Solved If I Am Not There?
You Being There Helps: It is very hard to fix big problems if you are not there. Questions may come up. Only you can answer them. Your lawyer can speak for you, but some choices need you.
Making Deals: Let’s say there is a deal. You get something you want. But you must give up something else. Your lawyer may need your okay first. Being there makes talks quick and easy.
Why Going Helps:
Fast Choices: You can say yes or no right away.
Clear Talk: You can say exactly what you mean.
Shows You Care: Being there shows you want to fix things.
Problems If You Are Not There:
Slow Downs: Your lawyer has to stop and call you.
Mix-Ups: Things can get mixed up over the phone.
Lost Chances: Good deals might be missed if you are not there.
Example: They talk about visiting time in mediation. A new plan is offered. Bob gets weekends. But he must pick up the kids after school Friday. Bob’s lawyer needs his okay. Bob is not there. The deal waits.
Can I Just Call In Instead?
Phone vs. Being There: You might think calling in is okay. It can be done. But it is often not as good as being there in person. When people are in the same room, deals happen more often.
Problems with Calling: Being far away can make deals harder. People might not feel as serious. Sometimes, just being together in the room helps people agree.
Why Calling In Is Not As Good:
Harder to Connect: It is harder to trust people over the phone.
Things Get in the Way: You might get busy with other things.
Phone Problems: Bad sound or dropped calls can stop talks.
Why Being There Works Better:
Focus: Everyone there is working on the problem.
See How People Feel: You can see faces and hear tone better.
Feels Real: Being together makes deals feel more possible.
Example: Sara calls into mediation from far away. Her phone keeps cutting out. It is hard to hear. Everyone gets annoyed. It is hard to talk about money details.
Why Do Some Judges Want People in the Room?
Computers vs. Real Life: Courts use computers now for meetings. But some judges still want people to come in person. They see that cases settle less when people are far apart. Being there makes a real difference.
Talking in the Hall: When people are at the court, a judge might say, “Go talk in the hall. Fix this now.” This push often leads to deals. That push is missing when people are on computers at home.
Why Judges Like In-Person:
More Deals Happen: Cases settle more when people meet face-to-face.
Feels Urgent: Being at court makes people want to finish.
Judge Can Talk to You: Judges can look you in the eye if needed.
Problems with Computer Meetings:
Less Attention: People might not pay close attention.
Harder Talks: Talking back and forth takes longer.
Feels Less Serious: It might not feel as final over a screen.
Example: A judge tells a couple to step outside the room. They must decide a small thing in 10 minutes. They are both there. They feel the pressure. They agree fast. The case moves on.
Does My Lawyer Need Me There Too?
Lawyer Can Go Alone: If the judge did not order *you* to go, your lawyer can go alone. Your lawyer knows the case. They can talk for you. They know the law well.
Missing Chances: But if you are not there, you might miss a chance to agree. Your lawyer might need your thoughts on a new idea. Without you, a full deal might not happen.
What Lawyers Do Alone:
Explain the Law: They handle the legal talk.
Share Your Views: They tell the others what you generally want.
Listen to Offers:** They hear what the other side will do.
What You Miss If You’re Not There:
Quick Answers: Your lawyer cannot get your fast reaction.
Hearing From You: The other side doesn’t hear your own words.
Making Deals Fast: Quick give-and-take is harder.
Example: Sam sends his lawyer to mediation alone. The other side makes a good offer about money. But Sam must agree to a payment plan right now. Sam’s lawyer has to stop and try to call Sam. It slows things down.
How Much Does It Help If I Go?
Going is Often Best: Being there yourself is often very important. It keeps the case moving forward. When you are there, choices can be made fast. This stops delays and keeps things going.
Avoid Getting Stuck: Without you, things can get stuck. A question might need your answer. You might need to okay a change. If you are not there, the talks might stop or fail.
Why Going Helps Move Things Along:
Shows You Mean It: It shows you want to find an answer.
Helps the Talks: You can join in the back-and-forth.
Builds Steam: Agreeing on small things can lead to bigger deals.
Risks If You Don’t Go:
Case Stops: Big problems might not get fixed.
Wasted Time, Money: You might need another meeting later.
Lost Chance: A good time to settle could be missed.
Example: A meeting is about support money. The helper suggests a new payment idea. Both people are there. They talk about it. They suggest small changes. They agree right there. The case moves closer to being done.
Are There Times I Should NOT Go?
Very Few Times: It is very rare that you being there hurts things. This almost never happens. Usually, you being there helps much more than it hurts.
Maybe If…: Maybe if people are too angry. Or if someone was hurt before. Then being apart might be better. Talk to your lawyer in these rare cases. They can tell you if going might cause more trouble.
Reasons Not to Go (Very Rare):
Fear for Safety: If someone has been violent or made threats.
Too Much Fighting: f you being there makes fights much worse.
Too Upsetting: If going would be too hard on you emotionally.
Talk to Your Lawyer First, Always:
Get Advice: Your lawyer knows the good and bad points.
Look at Other Ways: Maybe call in? Or have lawyers talk first?
Safety Plan: If you must go and are worried, make a safe plan.
Example: There is a court order saying one person must stay away from the other. The lawyers might agree they should be in separate rooms for mediation. The helper goes back and forth between them.
What If We Have Kids?
Kids Are Key: When kids are part of the case, mediation often talks about them. This means custody and visit times. You being there is very important. Choices made affect your kids’ lives and your time with them.
Making a Kid Plan: Mediation lets parents make a plan for the kids that works for them. Being there helps you share your ideas about what is best for your kids. See info on Michigan Divorce & Child Custody.
Kid Topics in Mediation:
Custody Words: Decide who makes big choices (legal) and where kids live (physical).
Visit Schedules: Figure out when kids are with mom and when with dad.
Holiday Time: Agree on how to share holidays and school breaks.
Why Your Thoughts Matter:
You Know Your Child: You know what your child needs day to day.
Real Life Details: You know which plans can really work.
Working Together Later: Agreeing now helps you work together as parents later.
Example: In mediation, Mom suggests a visit plan. Dad is there. He points out right away that the plan clashes with their son’s soccer game. They fix the plan together on the spot.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. Do I have to go if my lawyer goes?
If the judge did not order *you* to go, then no. But not going might make it harder to agree.
2. What if I skip mediation the judge ordered?
If a judge said you must go and you don’t, you could get in trouble. You might have to pay money or the judge could rule against you.
3. Can mediation fix my whole divorce?
Yes, it can. You can agree on property, kids, support, and everything else. A full deal means no trial.
4. Is mediation secret?
Most talks in mediation are secret. They usually cannot be used in court. But telling about plans to hurt someone is not secret.
5. Who pays the mediator helper?
Usually, both people share the cost. Sometimes you can agree on a different way to split the bill.
6. How long does mediation take?
It can be short like a few hours. Or it can take all day or even many meetings. It depends on the problems.
7. Should I get a lawyer for mediation?
You can go without one, but having a lawyer is a very good idea. A lawyer protects you and gives advice on deals.
8. What if we only agree on some things?
That is okay and still helps. You sign a deal for what you agreed on. The judge handles the rest later.
9. Can the mediator make me agree?
No. The mediator cannot force you to do anything. You only agree if you want to.
10. Is a mediation deal real legally?
Yes. When you sign a written deal from mediation, it is like a legal contract. It can become a court order.
11. How is mediation different from arbitration?
In mediation, *you* make the deal with help. In arbitration, a helper *listens and decides* for you, like a judge.
12. Is online mediation as good as in person?
Online mediation can work. But meeting in person often works better to make deals. Talk to your Michigan Family Law Attorneys about what is best.
Last Thoughts: You might not *have* to go to mediation by law all the time. But being there is usually the best way to fix family problems. It shows you care and helps make choices fast. If you have questions about mediation in Michigan, ask for help.
Call Us: Need help with mediation or family law? Call or text Goldman and Associates: (248) 590-6600. Or visit ChooseGoldman.com to learn more.