Where your child should be is specified in your custody and parenting time order. It specifies which days of the week your child must be with your ex-spouse. The moment suddenly arrives when your child flatly says no to you. My child doesn’t want to stay with my ex. What can I do? It’s possible that you live in a more relaxed setting at home. Your ex-spouse runs the household like a police state. When you got divorced, you gave the court the authority to decide what to do about parenting. This cannot be a justification for you to disobey the court’s order now.
Click here to watch the video My Child Doesn’t Want to Stay With My Ex, What Can I Do? – Michigan Law
You must inform the court if you are finding it difficult to follow the parenting time order. Ask the court’s opinion. The court has the authority to alter or settle matters. The court seeks to carry out its directives. But, it also acknowledges that they are dealing with people. Children are people too. Inform your lawyer and submit the appropriate motions so that the court can make changes.
What is the rationale for parenting time?
When a child’s parents are divorced, the court makes custody arrangements. It is common for the court to rule that one parent should have the child more often than the other. The court use terms like “shared physical custody” or “primary physical custody.” One parent has more parenting time in this arrangement.
According to Michigan law, children should get along with both of their parents. The child’s best interests must be considered by the court. A standard used in deciding whether to grant or modify custody. The phrase “best interests” refers to a set of standards established by law.
The benefits of co-parenting are supported by very reliable empirical data. This strongly supports the state’s and the family courts’ stance on upholding the child’s best interests. Its effectiveness has been supported by statistics.
Here are the results of data gathered over four decades of research on shared parenting.
[ a ] Co-parenting strengthens parent-child relationships.
[ b ] 90% of parents concur that having joint custody for at least a year significantly improved both themselves and their children.
[ c ] Children who share custody are 80% less likely to experience parental abandonment later in life.
[ d ] A child has twice as much of a chance to succeed when both parents share parenting time. Success is exhibited emotionally, physically, intellectually, and relationally.
[ e ] Eliminating unfairness and litigation through shared parenting reduces the likelihood of parental conflict by 80%.
[ f ] Co-parenting enhances the bond between the mother and father on an equal footing.
[ g ] When each parent had at least 35% of the visitation time, children between the ages of 0 and 4 demonstrated noticeable benefits.
Spending time with your children allows you to talk to them and share things with them. They could be important or as simple as what you did during the day. You can create memories and get to know each other better. Most importantly, express your affection for one another. The best time to express this is when you spend time together with your children. Spending time with your children builds the foundation of your relationship. Whether you’re just hanging out in the kitchen or taking a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
What are the probable reasons for a child refusing parenting time?
You should adhere to the rules of your custody agreement to the letter. Yet there are some situations where a visit may not be possible. There may be nothing a parent can do if an older teen flat-out refuses visits. To ensure that visits take place, parents of younger children will need to take a more active part.
The specifics of your case determine the causes of your child’s refusal to see your co-parent. We can speculate or it could be one of these common possibilities:
[ a ] Your child doesn’t like the rules they have to go by at your co-parent’s house.
[ b ] Your co-parent lives far from the children’s friends, school, activities, and other enjoyable things.
[ c ] Your child and your co-parent have a strained relationship. They constantly argue and disagree on a variety of issues.
[ d ] Your child does not get along with the new relationship of your co-parent. Or, your child is not getting along with the other residents of their household.
[ e ] The child carries ill feelings against the other parent. The child holds the parent accountable for the divorce. It may be a problem if you are disparaging your ex and this is the reason why your child feels upset. Parental alienation is the act of disparaging your ex in front of your child. It might be used in court as evidence against you.
[ f ] Your child has experienced abuse or is afraid and doesn’t feel safe.
Address situations affecting the safety of your child with urgency. Inform your attorney or other legal specialists as soon as possible.
An older child, especially a teenager, presents a completely different set of issues. A fifteen-year-old boy cannot be coerced into seeing his parents against his will. Punishing your teen or limiting independence will cause more harm than good. It might lead him to consider the time spent with one parent as an alternative to punishment. It might harm how your child feels about spending time with the other parent.
The unpalatable fact is a teenager would most likely prefer to be with his friends than with his parents. Away from home and those pals is not something to look forward to. Your teen will not find spending the weekend with the other parent as interesting. He might be more worried about missing out on his social circle.
What’s the repercussion of a child refusing parenting time?
The opposing parent may pursue some legal actions. Your co-parent can file for contempt proceedings. Your ex-spouse can ask for a change in custody if you refuse to make your child available for visitation. Understand that when a co-parent is left with no option, the logical course to take is to file a motion in court.
The other parent may or will seek a modification of custody.
The other parent of your child may ask the court to change the custody arrangement. Your co-parent may feel you aren’t doing enough to make arrangements for parenting time. Parents must prove that there has been a material change in circumstances. This refers to changes after the original custody order was issued. You also need to show that the proposed custody change will be in the best interests of the child when asking for a modification.
The degree to which each parent is willing and able to foster the child’s relationship and ongoing contact with the other parent is usually taken into account by judges when determining what custody arrangement is best for children. A judge can consider a custodial parent’s inability to make a concerted attempt to arrange for the child to see the other parent.
Contempt proceedings can happen to enforce parenting time.
Parents may struggle to see their children during court-ordered visitation or parenting time. They may urge a judge to enforce their custody orders through contempt proceedings. They can do this by submitting a motion or application for an Order to Show Cause.
There is no hard-and-fast guideline here. There’s no number on how many infractions of a court order are necessary to issue a contempt citation. They often need to be frequent or ongoing. The judge must also determine that you disobeyed a court order with intent and knowledge. So it’s up to you to show that you made a sincere effort to arrange the visitation but were unable.
Judges don’t sympathize with custodial parents’ claims about children not wanting to visit the other parent. Particularly when the children involved are young. Even with teenagers. Parents must persuade a judge that they made every effort to get their teenager to see the other parent.
A parent who hasn’t been able to see a child will try to enforce the custody agreement. First, they would try through civil contempt. The parent intends to have the other parent follow the court’s decision. It’s a better option than criminal contempt. Criminal contempt is intended to punish a parent for disobeying a court order. Consequently, a judge will often compel the offending parent to arrange visitation. The judge will do so as soon as they have found one of the parents to be in civil contempt. If parents continue to disobey, they may be subject to fines or even jail time.
You can be charged for custodial interference.
Custodial interference is when the non-custodial parent repeatedly tries to interfere with the custodial parent’s traditional custody rights. It is carried out to a point where it is disruptive. There may be several legal implications for the disruptive parent. Depending on how disruptive they were, legal action may or may not be taken.
A violation of the provisions of the child custody arrangement is interference. To avoid picking up or dropping off youngsters, for example.
Numerous situations could lead to interference. Withholding the children from the custodial parent for a full day is an example. Another instance is when a parent regularly picks up and drops off their children late. Exhibiting a pattern of behavior violating the custody arrangement also qualifies as interference. It suggests a desire to obstruct the other parent’s custody rights.
Parents may go to great lengths to be with their children. Even more so if they are embroiled in a contentious custody battle. Disregarding a visitation order can have serious civil and criminal repercussions. A judge has the power to punish a party in family court. To do this, the court may assign make-up parenting time. The violating parent may be fined by the court. The court can impose fines and penalties. It can even charge you the attorney fees of the other parent. The court’s authority goes beyond that. It has the power to jail the offender and holds the offending party in contempt of court. The court has the power to restructure custody in favor of the other parent.
What do you do if your child is not cooperating with parenting time?
You should handle the matter as effectively and favorably as you can. You need to take the initiative if your child refuses to visit or remain with your co-parent.
Your child refuses to take part in parenting or visitation time. There are some approaches you can use. The more you put forth an effort, the less likely it is that you’ll be charged with contempt. Think about the other severe repercussions. All that inconvenience is because your child refuses to spend time with the other parent.
Document and/or notify the other party.
It’s crucial to appropriately alert your co-parent. Update your co-parent in situations like this. Keep track of what happened. Use a mechanism of communication to inform your co-parent as soon as you can. This will enable you to produce accurate records of the incident. Establish a means when you inform your co-parent. Use the communication channels specified in your custody agreement or parenting schedule. It may include getting in touch with the parent’s lawyer.
Contact the other parent right away. Let your co-parent know what’s going on if your child refuses to cooperate with visitation. If not, it’s preferable to text or email. In this way, you have a written record of everything that transpired. It will document all your attempts to get your child to comply.
Talk to your child and listen empathically.
Find out the real reason your child doesn’t want to visit or stay with your co-parent. Allow your child to express their feelings to you without passing judgment.
When it’s your turn to reply, do so with consideration and kindness. Show them that you are aware of their worries by taking the entire family into account. Talk about the value of seeing the other parent and doing so.
Ask your child why they don’t want to follow the court’s orders. Has the other parent’s home changed? Is there a new spouse or a new baby, that makes visits uncomfortable? Is it possible that your teen’s crucial extracurricular activities are interfering with visitation? Is the school schedule interfere with the times you have planned with the other parent? The solutions you and the other parent come up with may be aided by the responses to these questions.
You might attempt counseling. Consult a therapist who has experience working with families and young people. Try it if your child becomes withdrawn and won’t talk about what’s bothering them.
Get your co-parent involved in the conversation.
It would be beneficial to seek the help of the other parent unless there is suspicion of abuse. Discuss the matter with your co-parent and come up with a strategy for handling it together. Encourage your co-parent to talk to your child via phone conversations or video chats. They can do it in a less stressful setting. Ask your child if they would be open to having a conversation with you and your ex-spouse. Suggest either in person or by video call.
Depending on the circumstances, a family gathering might offer a great opportunity. It’s a chance for everyone to discuss the problem. You might also think about having the chat with a neutral third party or mental health expert. Try a family therapist or a child counselor.
Make parenting time exchanges and transition seamless.
Transitions should be as seamless as possible. Make certain that your child is prepared and has all they need. Keep it consistent before they leave for a visit or a prolonged stay with your co-parent.
When you and your child talk about these visits, keep the conversation upbeat. Encourage your child to expect the time rather than dread it.
Be sure to maintain your composure when transitioning. As much as you will miss them, let your child know that you want them to spend this time with their other parent. Transitions should be brief, sweet, and comforting.
If you suspect abuse, take action.
Make every effort to gather evidence if you believe the other parent is abusing your child. Get as many details as you can. This is critical especially when your suspicions are based only on what your child has told you. Be careful not to coerce your child into saying anything untrue. Include anything you’ve noticed that supports what your child says. Behavior changes or medical issues following prior visits, in your writing. Include everything.
Prevent the other parent from seeing your child, and bring your documentation to the court. Ask for a temporary protective order. A formal request for a change in custody must also be made. Don’t halt the visitation due to suspected abuse. You could still be charged with contempt. Find out more about your options for handling domestic violence and custody disputes. Find out how to receive help.
If all else fails, file for a modification in your custody arrangement.
If everything else fails, you could try to modify the current parenting plans. Go through a court-ordered modification process or an agreement. Begin by asking the other parent if they would agree to a modification. It will address the cause of your child’s uncooperative behavior. For instance, you may change your parenting routine. Take into account the changing demands and interests of your adolescent child. See whether the other parent would take part in custody mediation. It is an option if you’re having problems deciding on your own. Any arrangement you reach would need to be approved by a judge in either case.
Children’s earliest exposure to what a relationship is and looks like is to their parents. Your relationship with the other parent is critical as a model for your child. A model for a healthy, productive, and respectful relationship. The two of you are being observed and studied by your child.
The growth of children depends on parental time. Children are given the chance to interact with both parents and spend time together. The presence of parents in their children’s lives allows parents to observe them. Learn about their actions, strengths, and flaws. This enables the parents to mentor them on their unique needs.
You can be cooking ice cream sundaes or have in-depth discussions. Talk about views and values with your children. Parents must spend quality time with their children and keep a good relationship. Children who spend time with adults feel cherished. It encourages them to be more outgoing and expressive.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel today for more advice on Family Law!
Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.