Your child refuses to go when it’s time for parenting time with your ex-spouse. What can I do if, despite a court order, my child refuses to visit the other parent? In Michigan, you must ask yourself this question since failing to do so could result in a violation of a court order. You have neither the authority nor the right to disobey a court order.
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You must let the court know if something, such as your child’s behavior, is making it difficult for you to comply with a court order. It simply indicates that you can’t solve the problem on your own or find a workaround. You must explain to your child the purpose of a court order as well as the consequences of disobeying it.
Our children can develop quite quickly. Child custody battles and divorce won’t stop them. Court orders determine things like visitation and parenting time. Children must comprehend them as well because they are required responsibilities. The relationship between parents and children fosters a child’s physical, mental, and social growth. Every child and parent should value and develop this unique connection.
This link serves as the cornerstone upon which the child’s personality, choices in life, and general behavior are established. Their emotional, mental, physical, and social well-being could all be affected.
Is Parenting Time or Visitation an Option?
Despite significant, ongoing advancements, raising young children today is still challenging. A rapidly growing body of research on early children is available, more funding is being given to family-focused programs and services, the U.S. population is changing its demographics quickly, and family arrangements are becoming more diverse. Parenting is also being more impacted by technology and more readily available parenting information.
Parenting and the parent-child relationship are so important that laws, national and state policies are oriented in favor of protecting them. This is also the reason why parents are not given the choice to choose how much time they spend with their children during the day. In the family, it is enforced to maintain the family’s cohesiveness as much as possible.
Children under the age of 18 cannot decide which parent they will live with unilaterally. Children are not allowed to refuse visitation that is required by a custody agreement. Both parents and children must follow the instructions. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the parent who has primary physical custody to persuade an obstinate child to cooperate during visitation.
The child’s preference is just one of the numerous considerations the judge will use when determining child custody or parenting time. You could find it helpful to make decisions if you speak with a Michigan child custody attorney if your child, especially a teen, wants to spend more time with the other parent.
Why Is My Child Refusing Parenting Time?
There might be some legitimate reason why your child, (and there’s a high likelihood this will be a teenage child) is a bit obstinate about their refusal to go with the other parent. The following are the most likely causes of your child’s difficulties going with your ex-spouse:
[ a ] The child wants to go to an event, but only one parent will allow the child to do so.
[ b ] Your child and the other parent have never really gotten along.
[ c ] The child is not cordial with other children from past partnerships or with the other parent’s new spouse.
[ d ] The other parent lives a long way from the child’s school, friends, and extracurricular activities. The other parent has severe house rules that the child doesn’t want to follow.
[ e ] The child holds the other parent responsible for the divorce and harbors hatred towards them. If you are badmouthing your ex and this is the cause of your child’s feelings, then this can be a problem. Disparaging your ex in front of your child is a practice known as parental alienation, and doing so can be used against you in court.
Of course as a parent there can be legally sound reasons for you to support your child’s refusal to go with the other parents, and here’s some legal reasons to do so:
[ a ] The other parent is currently incarcerated or in prison.
[ b ] The parent is abusing drugs or has substance use disorder (SUD)
[ c ] The other parent is frequently subjecting the child to either verbal or physical abuse
[ d ] There is sexual impropriety, such as subjecting a child to very suggestive sexual behavior
[ e ] The potential or a history of parental abduction.
Parents would probably err on the side of caution so they might get worried about their child’s behavior. If your child admits to having been beaten, sexually assaulted, or subjected to other sorts of abuse by the other parent, no one can advise you to give them back into their care. In addition to denying visitation, you should ask the court for supervised or no visits.
There’s a likelihood you won’t be able to physically coerce your child into doing anything. You already are aware of this if you have teenagers. The courts will probably accept your explanation. You have made an effort to abide by the court orders but that, given your child’s age and maturity, you are unable to compel them to spend time with the other parent.
You are not required by law to pull or tie up your child in order to force them to go to visitation. When a child is 16, it is more effective to claim they won’t see the other parent; nevertheless, a child of six doesn’t sound as credible.
How Can I Get My Child to Comply with Parenting Time?
The truth of the matter is that the only way you can comply with court order is to “persuade” your child to go with the other parent. You might want to try out some of the approaches already working with other parents who have to deal with a reluctant child.
Find out more about what’s up with the attitude.
Identify the reasons for your child’s reluctance to visit the other parent. The repercussions of defying a court order are probably beyond your child’s comprehension. You will learn more about how to handle the refusal if you inquire as to why they are refusing to go rather than merely telling them to do so. Your child may agree to visitation if you demonstrate your concern and understanding of their situation.
Don’t forget you are an adult. You are the parent.
Remember you are the parent at all times. The decision-maker here is you, not your child. You are the best person to judge your child’s needs, therefore it’s possible a soft, gentle approach won’t be effective. Particularly following the strain of a custody dispute and/or divorce, you may feel bad about forcing your child to do something they don’t want to.
Call and communicate with the other parent.
When your child declines, call the other parent and make an effort to have the child explain the refusal to the other parent. You won’t be accused of wilfully disobeying court orders if the child cooperates more readily with the other parent. Contrary to phone records and text messages, word of mouth is simpler to disprove in court.
Start taking notes on all this refusal to comply.
Keep track of each time your child refuses a visit. Ask your child why each time so you can keep a list. The other parent has the right to accuse you in court of violating the court order, therefore you must have proof to back up your claims and those of your child. The other parent may try to show you have not complied in subsequent custody hearings, which would be damaging to your case.
Take effort to make each pick up and drop off stress-free.
As much as you can, make picking up and dropping off simple. Your child’s unwillingness to attend visitation may be influenced by your numerous disputes with your ex during transitions. Try your best to keep your mouth shut and carry yourself like the bigger person if your ex tries to antagonize you during custody transfers. If your child is leaving for a prolonged visitation, make sure your child’s luggage is packed and all other preparations have been made well in advance. Activities that can be avoided, like rushing around the house and disregarding sentimental items, might cause anxiety.
Keep the encouragement going.
Continue to promote visits. After a single refusal, don’t give up. Your child should be informed about the parenting plan at times other than shortly before pick-ups and drop-offs.
It’s a prevalent notion that children may choose which parent they want to live with most of the time after they reach a certain age. First off, unless the judge determines the child has the capacity to create and express a reasonable preference for custody and visitation, the judge in Michigan won’t even take the child’s preference into consideration.
The judge will typically assume that a child who is older than six can articulate a reasonable custody preference. But that does not imply that every child who falls within that age range can. It also does not imply judges will never take younger children’s opinions into account. Individual circumstances may impair older children’s capacity to develop a fair judgment because some children are mature beyond their years.
A judge must determine whether a child has communicated a choice that is reasonable after determining that the child is able to make a reasonable judgment about custody and visitation. This doesn’t imply the child must provide a thorough justification for the desire they have expressed, only that it isn’t motivated by irrational or unimportant factors.
Until they turn 18 or are deemed to be of legal emancipation, children do not have the right to refuse visitation that is required under a custody order. Both parents and children must follow the instructions. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the parent who has primary physical custody to persuade a recalcitrant child to cooperate during visitation.
Of course, as any parent of an adolescent knows, it can be difficult to get adolescents to execute anything they adamantly disagree to, especially as they become older. If you find yourself in this situation, you might think about taking advantage of the mediation available at the Friend of the Court or counseling services. However, you’ll need to demonstrate a change in circumstances has occurred that makes the alteration you’re proposing necessary.
This is the part where you need to talk to your attorney about your child’s dynamics and what you can put forward to the court.
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.