It is hard when moms and dads do not live together. They need a plan for their kids. Making mistakes when deciding this plan is easy. Big mistakes can hurt your child and your case. Knowing the mistakes helps you not make them. This tells you about big mistakes people make in Michigan cases about kids.
Why Is Talking Bad About the Other Parent a Big Mistake?
It Hurts Your Child: Do not say mean things about the other parent to your child. This always makes things worse. The judge wants moms and dads to act like grown-ups. Keep your angry feelings away from your kids. Do not put your child in the middle.
It Looks Bad to the Judge: Your child is part you and part the other parent. If you say the other parent is bad, it is like saying your child is bad too. The judge sees this. It looks like you care more about fighting than your child. Judges do not like that. See this video about big mistakes to learn more.
Things to Know About Talking:
* Keep Kids Safe: Do not tell kids about adult money or anger problems.
* Be Nice: Try to talk about the other parent in a fair way. Do this near your child.
* Use Facts: Tell the judge facts about taking care of the child. Do not just call names.
More Ideas for Talking:
* Texts and Emails: Keep messages about the kids short and polite.
* Online Posts: Be careful what you post online. It can be used in court.
* Talk to a Helper: Tell your lawyer your feelings. Do not tell your child.
Real Story: Mary told her son his dad was lazy. The judge found out. The judge thought Mary tried to make the son dislike his dad. This hurt Mary’s chance to have the son live with her more.
What Happens If I Don’t Follow Court Rules?
It Shows You Don’t Respect the Court: Courts have rules. Judges make orders, like when each parent sees the child. You must follow these orders. If you ignore rules, it shows the judge you do not care. This is very bad.
It Hurts You Later: Judges watch who follows rules. If you break small rules now, a judge will not trust you later. The judge will likely help the parent who followed the rules. Breaking rules makes the judge think you will not be fair to the other parent. Learn about Time with the Child Rules in Michigan here.
Why Rules Are Important: * Shows Trust: Following orders shows the judge you are fair and can be trusted. * Helps Your Case: Judges give more time to parents who follow rules. * Stops Trouble: Ignoring orders can cause fines or less time with your child.
How to Show You Follow Rules: * Be On Time: Follow the plan for seeing your child. Be exact. * Tell About Changes: If you must change the plan, tell the other parent fast. Tell your lawyer too. * Write Things Down: Keep notes of when you see your child. This helps if there are questions.
Real Story: Sam was often late bringing his girl back on Sundays. The court made a time rule. Sam ignored it many times. So, the judge gave Sam less time with his girl in the final plan.
Do I Need Proof for What I Say in Court?
Yes, You Need Proof: You must have proof for what you tell the judge. You cannot just say the other parent did bad things. Saying “”He is mean”” or “”She is not a good mom”” is not enough. The court needs real facts.
Empty Words Waste Time: Telling stories with no proof wastes time. It shows you do not respect the court. Judges need real facts to choose what is best for kids. Get papers, emails, texts, or reports to show your claims are true. This video explains more about Mistakes to Avoid in Your Child Care Case.
Kinds of Proof: * Papers: Police papers, school notes, or doctor notes can be proof. * Messages: Texts or emails that show problems can help. * People: Friends or teachers who saw things can tell the judge.
Why Proof Is Good: * Makes Claims Strong: Proof makes your words into facts the judge can use. * Shows You Are Serious: Bringing proof shows you respect the court. * Helps the Judge Pick: Good proof helps the judge choose what is best for the child.
Real Story: Dave told the judge his ex-wife did not take their child to the doctor. He showed papers from the doctor. He showed messages he sent her about the visits. This proof helped the judge see Dave was careful.
Why Is Doing My Own Case a Mistake?
It Is Too Hard Alone: The law says you can speak for yourself in court. But this is often a very bad idea. It is like trying to fix your own broken bone. You are too close to the problem. You cannot see things the right way.
You Miss Important Things: You might not know the law well. You do not have court experience. Most of all, you cannot look at things calmly. Your strong feelings can make you choose badly. You need help to see the big picture. Doing it alone is a big error shown in Mistakes To Avoid When Getting Ready For a Case about your child.
What Lawyers Give You: * Know-How: They know Michigan laws and court rules. * Past Work: They know how judges think. They know what works. * Calm View: They see your case without your strong feelings.
Why a Calm View Is Better: * Good Choices: A lawyer helps you make smart choices, not angry ones. * Aim for the Goal: They help you work for what is best long term. * Less Trouble: They help you avoid actions that hurt your case.
Real Story: Sue tried to do her own case. She cried and yelled at the judge. This looked bad. She did not get what she wanted because she could not talk calmly. Find out more from guides like Why You Should Not Do Your Own Divorce in Michigan.
How Does the Judge See Parents Who Always Fight?
Judges Want Peace for Kids: Judges want kids to be okay. Kids are not okay when parents fight all the time. Judges like parents who can work together, even a little bit. Lots of fighting shows the judge you might not put your child first.
Looks for the Calm Parent: Judges look for the parent who acts like a grown-up. If you always start fights, it looks bad for you. The judge might think the other parent can give the child a calmer home.
Show You Can Work Together: * Talk Nicely: Try to talk or text the other parent about kids without anger. * Give a Little: Sometimes plans need small changes. Show you can agree sometimes. * Focus on the Kids: Keep talks about the kids’ needs. Do not bring up old fights.
What Judges Don’t Like: * Lots of Fights: Emails and texts full of mean words are bad. * No Talking: Not talking at all about the child is also bad. * Using Kids: Making kids give messages between parents is wrong.
Real Story: Tim and Ann sent mean emails back and forth. They sent them to the judge too. The judge said their fighting hurt their child. The judge made them take a class on how to talk better.
Is It Okay to Put My Child in Our Fights?
No, It Hurts Them: Never do this. Putting your child in adult fights hurts them a lot. They feel pulled between parents. They feel stressed. Kids should not choose sides. They should not carry messages.
Judges Hate This: Judges really do not like it when parents pull kids into fights. It shows you are not thinking like a good parent. The court wants parents who keep kids safe from adult stress. Doing this can hurt your case very much.
Keep Your Child Safe: * Talk Away From Kids: Talk about problems with the other parent when the child cannot hear. * Don’t Ask Kids Spying Questions: Do not ask your child about the other parent’s house or life. * Let Kids Love Both: Help your child have a good time with the other parent. Do not stop them.
Signs a Child Feels Stuck: * Child Worries Too Much: They worry about grown-up problems. * Child Picks a Side: They feel they must like one parent more. * Child Carries News: They have to tell one parent what the other said.
Real Story: Lisa asked her girl lots of questions about her dad’s friend. The girl got sad and worried. She did not want to see her dad. A helper told the judge Lisa put the girl in the middle. This was not good.
How Can I Show the Judge I Respect the Rules?
Follow All Orders: The best way is to do what the judge orders. Follow the plan for time with the child. Pay support money if ordered. Show up to court on time. Do everything the papers say.
Act with Respect: How you act matters too. Talk politely to the judge and court helpers. Do not yell or complain loudly about the judge. Your lawyer can help you show respect the right way.
Good Actions: * Be On Time: Show up on time for court. Be on time when picking up or dropping off your child. * Obey All Rules: Follow every part of the judge’s order. Do not skip parts. * Use Nice Words: Talk in a calm and polite way in court.
Bad Actions: * Always Late: Being late for court or for the kids looks bad. * Picking Rules: Choosing which parts of the order to follow is wrong. * Yelling or Complaining: Talking bad about the judge shows disrespect.
Real Story: Bill did not like a court rule about phone calls. But he followed it. He asked his lawyer to ask the judge for a change politely. The judge saw Bill followed rules even when he did not like them. This helped Bill.
Is Telling My Story to the Judge Enough?
No, You Need Proof Too: Telling your side is needed. But it is not enough alone. Judges need facts and proof to be fair. Your story is one side. The judge needs things to back up your words.
Bring Proof and People: You need proof like papers, photos, or emails. You might need people (witnesses) too. Witnesses saw things and can tell the judge. Without proof, it is just your word against the other parent’s word. A lawyer helps find and show proof.
Things That Help Prove Your Story: * Papers: School notes, doctor papers, police reports. * Phone or Computer Proof: Emails or texts that show something important. * People: Teachers, doctors, or friends who know things first hand.
Why Proof Is Better Than Just Talk: * Seems More Real: Papers and witness words can seem stronger than just your claims. * Shows You Worked Hard: Bringing proof shows you took the case seriously. * Helps Judge Know Facts: Proof helps the judge know what really went on.
Real Story: Ann said the dad missed seeing the child many times. She showed a calendar. She wrote down every time he missed for a whole year. This list was strong proof for the judge.
Can My Strong Feelings Hurt My Case?
Yes, Feelings Can Cause Problems: Cases about kids bring strong feelings. You might feel mad, sad, or scared. That is normal. But if feelings control what you do, it can hurt your case. Acting angry makes you look bad to the judge.
Judges Want Calm Parents: Judges look for parents who make calm, good choices for kids. If you seem full of hate for the other parent, the judge might worry. A lawyer helps you stay calm. A lawyer helps you act smart, not just on feelings. Knowing What You Should Never Say in These Fights helps.
How Feelings Hurt Cases: * Saying Mean Things: Anger can make you talk bad. * Breaking Rules: Feeling hurt might make you ignore orders. * Fighting About Little Things: Strong feelings make small things seem big.
How to Handle Feelings: * Talk to a Counselor: Getting help for your feelings is good. * Let Your Lawyer Fight: Let the lawyer handle the court part calmly. * Think of Your Child: Remember the goal is what is best for your child.
Real Story: Jack was very mad his wife left. He said no to everything she asked for. He did this even for fair ideas about the kids’ plan. His anger made him look hard to work with. This hurt his wish for more time with the kids.
What Kind of Lawyer Is Best for Me?
Find a Good Match: Get a lawyer who knows Michigan family law very well. Also, find one whose style fits your goals. Do you want to try to agree on things? Or do you need a lawyer ready for a big court fight?
Agree on the Goal: Talk to lawyers about how they see the case. Tell them your main goal. If you want to be friendly with your ex later, find a lawyer who helps with that. Pick a lawyer who gives good advice and works for *your* main goals. Our lawyers at Michigan Family Law Attorneys – ChooseGoldman want to help.
What to Look For: * Knows the Job: Pick a lawyer who has done many Michigan family law cases. * Listens Well: Find one who hears your worries and goals. * Talks Clearly: They should explain things so you can understand.
What to Ask a Lawyer: * Your Past Cases?: How many cases like mine have you done? * How You Work?: How do you handle fights like this? * How Much?: What will it cost? How do you get paid?
Real Story: Jen wanted things to be calm. Her first lawyer fought hard and made things worse. Jen found a new lawyer who tried to find ways to agree. This fit Jen’s goal better and things got calmer.
Why Does the Judge Care About Future Plans?
Thinks About the Child’s Whole Life: The judge wants a plan that is good for the child now AND later. Judges think about the child’s future. They want to see which parent thinks about the child growing up.
Quick Anger vs. Long Term Good: Acting just to get back at the other parent feels good now. But it is bad for the long run. It will not make a good plan for the child later. Show the judge you have thought about the child’s home, school, and future needs.
Shows You Think Ahead: * Steady Home: Showing you offer a safe, steady home. * School Ideas: Thinking about the child’s learning. * Help Child See Other Parent: Knowing the child needs both parents (if safe).
Shows You Think Only of Now: * Wanting Revenge: Making choices just to hurt the other parent. * Ignoring Future: Not thinking about school or needs next year. * Always Fighting: Letting today’s anger spoil future peace.
Real Story: Mike showed the judge his plan for his son’s school for the next two years. His ex just complained about Mike. The judge thought Mike had a better plan for the child’s future.
Should I Get Help From Experts Like Doctors?
Yes, Experts Know Best: You see a doctor if you are sick. You see a tax helper for taxes. You need a law expert for law problems. Cases about families and kids are serious. Doing it alone is not safe.
Lawyers Are Experts Too: A lawyer is an expert trained for these problems. They have skills you need. Getting help from the right expert is smart. It helps you avoid big mistakes.
When to Ask for Help: * Sick?: See a doctor. * Money Questions?: See a money expert. * Law Problems?: See a lawyer who knows family law.
Why Experts Help: * Right Answers: Experts give you good information. * Avoid Errors: Experts help you not make common mistakes. * Feel Better: Knowing an expert is helping can lower stress.
Real Story: When splitting up things they owned, Pete hired a money expert. The expert helped Pete see how choices would affect him later. Getting expert help led to a smarter plan.
More Good Ideas: Think First: Every choice you make now can change the case. Stop and think. Does this help my child? Ask for advice before you act. Put Your Child First: Always think about what your child needs most. Judges want parents who care most about their kids, not the fight. This helps you make better choices.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What is the biggest mistake to avoid? Saying bad things about the other parent to your child is a very big mistake. It hurts the child and makes you look bad.
2. Can I lose time with my child if I break rules? Yes, if you often break court rules, the judge might give you less time. Following rules shows you are responsible.
3. Do I need a lawyer if we agree on things? Getting a lawyer is still smart. They make sure the deal is fair and the papers are right to avoid future problems.
4. What if the other parent is really bad for the child? You need strong proof to show the judge. Just saying it is not enough; find real proof.
5. How do I show I am the better parent? Show how you take good care of your child. Focus on your good actions, not just the other parent’s faults.
6. Can I record talks with my ex? Laws about recording are tricky in Michigan. Ask a lawyer before you record anything to avoid trouble.
7. What if I have no money for a lawyer? Check for free legal help groups. Some lawyers have payment plans or offer a free first talk.
8. Does my Facebook page matter? Yes, what you post online can be used in court. Be very careful what you share during your case.
9. Can my child pick who to live with? The judge decides what is best for the child. Older kids might share their wishes, but they do not make the final choice.
10. What if my ex tells lies about me? Work with a lawyer to show proof that the lies are not true. Stay calm and use facts.
11. How long does a case like this take? It can be fast or slow. It depends on how much parents fight and the court’s time. A lawyer can help.
12. Can we change the plan later? Yes, plans can sometimes change if big things in life change. You must ask the court for a change.
Need Help With Your Case?: Figuring out plans for kids is hard. Mistakes hurt everyone. If you have questions about your case in Michigan, talk to people who know how to help. Call or text us at (248) 590-6600. You can also set up a free talk online or Visit ChooseGoldman.com to learn more.
Michigan child plan case