It is a hard thing to think about who your kids will live with. A lot of people think that moms always get the kids in a court case. This can make dads worry a lot. It is good to know how the rules really work. The rules are not the same as they were a long time ago. Now, it is not about being a mom or a dad. It is about what is best for the kids. When you know the rules, you can make good choices for your family.
Did Moms Always Get to Keep the Kids?
The Old Way: A long time ago, many people thought that moms should raise the kids. The mom was the one who took care of them most of the time. So, judges would often pick the mom. This was just how things were done. The law said to pick the main caregiver, and that was almost always the mom.
The New Way: Now, things are not like that. The law does not say moms are better parents. Dads have the same chance to get the kids. The world is not the same. Dads help raise kids a lot more now. The courts know this. They have made the rules fair for both parents.
- Main Parent: This is the parent who feeds the kids and helps them with school work.
- Old Idea: People used to think the mom was always the main parent.
- New Idea: Now the courts know that either a mom or a dad can be the main parent.
- Same Chance: Moms and dads both start with the same chance in court.
- New Families: The way families work has changed a lot over the years.
- Fair Rules: The law is set up to be fair to both parents, not just one.
A Real Story: Think of a dad named Bill. He was scared he would lose his kids. But Bill cooked for his kids and helped them read each night. The judge saw that Bill was a big part of his kids’ lives. So, the judge made sure Bill got to spend a lot of time with them.
What Does ‘Best for the Child’ Mean?
The Child Is Number One: A judge has one main question to answer. The judge asks, “”What is the best thing for this child?”” This is the most key part of the case. The judge will look at the child’s whole life. It is not about what the mom wants. It is not about what the dad wants. You can watch our video to see how judges think.
What Judges Look For: A judge looks at many parts of a child’s life. They look at the love a child has for each parent. They see who has a safe home for the child. They check who has time to care for the child. This helps the judge make a good choice for the child’s life.
- Love: The judge wants to see how much love is between the child and each parent.
- Needs: This means things like food, a bed to sleep in, and clothes to wear.
- Health: The judge wants to know the parent will take the child to a doctor if they are sick.
- School: Who helps the child learn and gets them to school on time?
- A Child’s Voice: If a child is old enough, a judge might ask them what they think.
- A Steady Life: The judge tries to keep the child’s life as calm as possible.
A Real Story: Think of a mom named Sue. Sue worked late at night. Her husband put the kids to bed. The judge saw that the dad was very important for the kids at night. So, the judge made a plan so the dad could still put the kids to bed. This was best for them.
Can a Dad Get to Have the Kids Live with Him?
Yes, Dads Can: Dads can for sure have the kids live with them. The old idea that only moms can is not true now. A dad who is a good parent can show this to the judge. The judge will listen to a dad who wants to be the main parent. A dad’s rights are safe under the law.
How to Show You Are a Good Dad: A dad needs to show the judge how he cares for the kids. He can talk about the fun things they do. He can show he takes them to their games. A dad can ask for more time with his kids. He can also ask to be the parent they live with.
- Ask for Time: Dads can and should ask the court for more time with their kids.
- Be the Main Parent: A dad can ask the court to let the kids live with him.
- Share the Kids: Dads can ask to share time with the kids down the middle.
- Make a Plan: Show the judge you have a good plan to care for the kids.
- Show Up: Go to teacher meetings and other events to show you are there for them.
- Write Things Down: Keep a list of the time you spend with your kids.
A Real Story: A dad named Greg had to travel for his job. His wife said he was not around for the kids. But Greg kept a list of all his phone calls. He showed the judge all the times he flew home just to see his son’s games. The judge saw he was a great dad and gave him lots of time.
Do Some Judges Still Have Old Views?
Old Ways of Thinking: We must be honest. Some judges may still have old ideas. Some have been judges for a long, long time. They might lean toward an old way of thinking and not even know it. This is a bias. A judge might see a mom and dad and just feel the mom is the right one, from old habit.
Courts Are Getting Better: But even if old ideas are still out there, courts try to be fair. Most judges do a very good job. They look at the facts. They work hard to put the child first. They know the world has changed. So while an old idea may exist, courts are good at making a fair choice.
- Long-Time Judges: Some judges have had their job for years and may see things in an old way.
- Leaning One Way: A bias is when you lean one way with out a good cause.
- Good Lawyers Know: A good lawyer may know if a judge has older views and can get ready for it.
- Look at Facts: The main job of the court is to look at what is real, not old views.
- Fair Choices: Most judges are very good at making choices that are fair to both parents.
- New Training: Courts now teach judges how to spot and stay away from these old views.
A Real Story: A lawyer had a case with a judge who often chose the mom. So the lawyer brought a lot of photos to court for the dad. The photos showed the dad reading to his child and teaching her to ride a bike. This real proof helped the judge see the dad in a new way.
How Does a Judge Pick a Parent?
It Is Not a Game: The judge is not trying to find a “winner.” And the judge knows no parent is “perfect.” The judge just wants to find the best home for the child right now. The judge wants to know who can give the child a happy life that feels safe. It is more like finding a lost piece to a puzzle than winning a prize.
A Close Look at Life: The judge will look at each parent’s life up close. They might ask about your work and your house. They will want to know if you can be patient and calm. The point is to see what life would be like for the child with each parent. You can learn more by watching our video about Which Parent Is Most Likely to Get Custody?
- Parent’s Health: The judge will want to know that a parent is well enough to care for a child.
- Safe Home: They look for a home that is safe and where things stay mostly the same.
- Sharing is Good: A judge likes a parent who will be good about sharing the child with the other parent.
- A Child’s Day: The judge cares about the child’s school, friends, and after school fun.
- Good Parenting: Who is good at making rules but also shows a lot of love?
- Staying Out of Trouble: The judge will check if a parent does things that could be bad for a child.
A Real Story: Kim and Dan both loved their son, Max. Kim had to move for a new job. Dan had lived in the same town for years. Max’s school and all his friends were near Dan’s house. The judge felt it was best for Max to stay with Dan so his life would not change too much.
What Should I Do to Get Ready for Court?
Show, Do Not Just Tell: You need to show the judge you are a good parent. You can not just say it. You need proof. This can be photos of you with your child. It can be notes from your child’s coach. Keep a list of all the things you do for your child. This will help the judge see how much you do.
Put Your Child First: When you are in court, always talk about what is best for your child. Do not say bad things about the other parent. This can make you look bad. Show the judge you are grown up. Show them you care more about your child than about a fight. The laws about what is best for the child are very plain.
- Keep a Notebook: Write down all the doctor visits, school plays, and fun times you have.
- Ask for Letters: Ask a teacher or friend to write a letter about what a good parent you are.
- Get Your Papers: Have your child’s school reports and health papers all in one place.
- Speak Softly: When it is your turn to talk, be calm and use a nice tone.
- Look Nice: Wear clean clothes to court. It shows you think this is a serious day.
- Be Honest: Always, always tell the truth. Even if you are scared it will hurt your case.
A Real Story: A mom named Pam was very nervous for court. Her lawyer told her to make a book about her son. She put his school art in it. She put his sports schedules in it. The judge could see how much she cared, and it helped her a lot.
Are Mom’s Rights and Dad’s Rights Different?
All Parents Are the Same: In the law, there is no such thing as “mom’s rights” or “dad’s rights.” There are just “”parent’s rights.”” This means moms and dads have the same rights. The court does not give one parent more power. Both parents can ask to see their child.
Think of the Child’s Rights: It is better to think about the child’s rights. A child has a right to be loved by both parents. A child has a right to be safe. When you think this way, it is not a fight. It is about working as a team to do what is best for the child. Our video on Mother’s Rights Vs. Father’s Rights talks more about this.
- Right to Ask for Time: Both parents can ask the court for time with their child.
- Right to Make Choices: Both parents can help make big choices about the child’s life.
- Right to Know Things: Both parents have a right to know how their child is doing in school.
- A Child’s Right to Love: All kids should be able to know and love both of their parents.
- A Child’s Right to Feel Safe: All kids need to live in a home where they do not feel scared.
- A Child’s Right to Be Cared For: All kids have a right for both parents to help care for them.
A Real Story: A dad and mom were fighting over who got the kids for a holiday. Their lawyer helped them see that their child had a right to see both of them. So they made a plan to share the holiday. The child got to see both parents, which was the best thing.
What is Parenting Time?
It Is Real Time with Your Child: Parenting time is the name for the time a child spends with a parent. It is not just a short visit. It is time to be a real parent. It is time to help with school work, go to the park, and eat meals. It is very key time to build a strong link with your child.
Making a Time Plan: The court will help you make a time plan. This plan says when the child is with each parent. It will list the weekends, holidays, and summer break. The goal is to make a plan that is clear. A clear plan means less fighting later on.
- Week Plan: A plan for what days the child is with each parent each week.
- Holiday Plan: A plan for how to share big holidays like the Fourth of July.
- Trip Plan: Rules for when each parent can take the child on a fun trip.
- Child’s Age: A plan for a small baby will be very different from a plan for a teen.
- Parent’s Jobs: The plan has to fit with when each parent has to go to work.
- How Far Apart You Live: If parents live far from each other, the plan will be special.
A Real Story: A dad was a fire fighter with a strange work plan. He could not see his son on the same days each week. He and the child’s mom made a special plan based on a calendar. This way, the dad got to have a few days in a row with his son when he was not working. The judge said yes because it was good for the son.
Extra Things to Know
Working as a Team is a Big Plus: A judge loves to see parents who can work as a team. If you and the other parent can make your own plan, the judge will often say yes. This shows the judge you are both grown up and put your child first. It also saves you time and cash because you are not fighting in court.
It Is OK to Ask for Help: The law is not easy to get. You do not have to do it all on your own. A good lawyer can help a lot. A lawyer can tell you the rules in plain words and speak for you in court. Our team of Michigan Family Law Attorneys is here to help you.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Who picks where my kids will live?
A judge makes the final choice. The choice is based on what is best for the children.
2. What if my child wants to live with me?
A judge might ask an older child what they want. But the judge still makes the final choice.
3. Will I get the kids if I have more money?
No, having more money does not mean you will win. The judge cares more about love and a safe home.
4. Will my kids have to talk in court?
Most of the time, no. Judges try to keep kids out of court so they do not feel stressed.
5. What if the other parent says bad things about me?
Stay calm and tell the truth. Let your lawyer take care of the bad words.
6. Can a parent with a new boyfriend or girlfriend get the kids?
Yes. A new person in a parent’s life does not change things unless they are not safe for the child.
7. What if we live in two different states?
These cases can be hard. A judge will first decide which state gets to handle the case.
8. Can we change the plan later on?
Yes, you can ask the court to change the plan. You must show that a big life change has taken place.
9. What is a 50/50 plan?
This is a plan where the child splits their time evenly. It means they spend half their time with each parent.
10. Do I need a lawyer?
It is a very good idea to have a lawyer. A lawyer can help make sure the plan is fair for you.
11. Who pays for the child’s things?
Both parents must help pay for the child’s needs. This is called child support.
12. What if I am scared for my child’s safety?
You must tell the court right away. Bring any proof you have, and the judge will check on it.
Each family is special. The old view that moms always get the kids is not true now. The main thing is what is best for your child. If you have questions about your case, you need to talk to a person who knows the law. We can help you see your choices and plan what to do next.
Contact Us Today:
- Call or Text Us: (248) 590-6600
- Free Meeting: You can set up a free meeting to talk about your case.
- Our Website: Visit ChooseGoldman.com to learn more.