When moms and dads don’t live together, they need a plan for where the kids will live. A big question often comes up: Can a teenager pick which parent they live with? It sounds easy, but in Michigan, judges and laws are part of the choice. The main goal is always what’s best for the teen.
Do Teens Get to Choose Their Home?
Who Really Decides?: Many people think teens can choose where they live. But in Michigan, only a judge can make the final choice about a child’s home. A teen cannot just decide this alone.
Judges Do Listen: Even though the judge decides, what a teen thinks matters. The law says judges should listen to kids who are old enough to have an opinion. This means hearing what teens want when deciding about their home.
The Court’s Job:
– Judge Has Final Say: The judge makes the choice official.
– Teen Shares Thoughts: The teen can tell the court what they want.
– Not Always Followed: What the teen wants might not be the final choice.
What a Teen Can Do:
– Say What They Want: Teens can tell the judge their wish.
– Explain Why: They can tell the judge the reasons for their wish.
– Be Heard: The court must listen to what they say.
Example Time: Think about 15-year-old Maria. She wants to live with her dad. She can tell the judge, but the judge will look at many other things too before deciding.
How Much Does a Teen’s Choice Matter?
How Important is the Teen’s Wish?: If a teen says what they want, how much does the judge care? The judge must think about it. It’s one piece of information the judge uses.
More Than Just One Thing: A teen’s wish is important, but it’s not everything. The judge looks at about 12 different things to decide what is best for the teen. The teen’s wish is just one of those things.
Things the Judge Thinks About:
– What the Teen Wants: The choice the teen shares.
– Teen’s Age: How old the teen is.
– How Grown-Up Teen Seems: If the teen understands things well.
How the Judge Balances It:
– Looks at Everything: The judge thinks about all the points. –
Some Points Matter More: Not all points are equal.
– Sees the Whole Picture: The judge puts it all together.
Example Time: David is 16 and explains clearly why living with his mom helps him focus on school. The judge listens carefully. But the judge also thinks about how well his dad helps him manage his after-school job.
Is There a Special Age When a Teen’s Choice Matters More?
Age and Knowing What’s What: The law talks about kids being old enough to have a say. This means they need to understand what’s going on and have a clear thought about it. There is no magic age number.
Teens Usually Count: Most teens are seen as old enough. A judge will likely listen closely to a 14-year-old or a 17-year-old. Younger kids might be heard, but their thoughts might not count as much.
What “Old Enough” Means:
– Gets It: The child understands the situation.
– Can Choose: Can think about it and say what they want.
– Not Just Age: How grown-up they are matters too.
How Age Changes Things:
– Older Teens: Their choice often matters more if they seem grown-up.
– Younger Teens: Still important, but maybe less than older teens.
– Little Kids: What they say is noted, but looked at very carefully.
Example Time: A judge hears a 7-year-old wants to live with Dad because he has a cool game room. The judge will give more serious thought to a 15-year-old’s reasons about feeling safer at Mom’s house.
How Does a Judge Know if a Teen is Grown-Up Enough?
More Than Birthdays: Just being a teen doesn’t mean their choice is the most important thing. The judge looks at how grown-up the teen acts and thinks. A teen who seems grown-up understands choices better.
Thinking It Through: Being grown-up means the teen can explain *why* they want something. They don’t just say *what* they want. They might talk about school, feeling safe, or getting along with a parent in a smart way. The judge listens for good reasons.
Signs the Judge Looks For:
– Good Reasons: Explains their choice well.
– Knows What Happens Next: Understands how the choice changes things.
– Sees Things Clearly: Understands the real situation.
Why Being Grown-Up Matters:
– Counts More: Choices from grown-up teens often mean more.
– Shows Thought: Means the teen really thought about it.
– Helps Judge Decide: Gives the judge good information.
Example Time: A 16-year-old explains they want to live with Mom because she helps them study for big tests and college plans. This sounds more grown-up than saying they want to live with Mom just because she lets them use the car more often.
Do the Teen’s Reasons for Choosing Matter?
Why They Choose is Key: Yes, the *why* behind a teen’s choice is very important. The judge wants to know the reasons. They don’t just hear “I want Dad.” They ask why.
Good Reasons vs. Not-So-Good Reasons: Reasons about staying in the same school or feeling safe are strong reasons.
Reasons like “Mom lets me stay out late” or “Dad buys better video games” are weaker. The judge wants reasons that show what is truly best for the child, which is explained more in this guide about Child Custody & Best Interests of the Child in Michigan.
Strong Reasons Could Be:
– School Needs: Being closer to a good school.
– Feeling Close: Feeling more supported by one parent.
– Staying Put: Keeping the same friends and activities.
Weaker Reasons Could Be:
– Fewer Rules: Wanting the parent who is less strict.
– More Fun Stuff: Wanting the parent who allows more parties.
– More Things: Wanting the parent who buys more stuff.
Example Time: A teen says, “I want to live with Mom because she lives near my job and my best friend. Staying here helps me keep everything steady.” The judge might see this as a strong reason about the teen’s life.
Will the Judge Always Agree with the Teen?
Not Always: Even if a teen seems grown-up and has good reasons, the judge might pick something else. The teen’s wish is noted, but it doesn’t promise the judge will say yes. The judge’s main job is to keep the child safe and well.
What’s Best Comes First: The judge must pick what helps the child the most in the long run. Sometimes, what a teen wants right now isn’t actually good for them. The judge looks at the whole picture using many points.
Why a Judge Might Say No:
– Safety Worries: Being concerned about the home the teen chose.
– Need for Rules: Thinking the teen needs more limits than they want.
– Other Things Matter More: Other points about what’s best lead to a different choice.
The Judge Must:
– Keep Child Safe: Make sure the child is okay.
– Follow the Law: Use all the right rules and points.
– Decide Tough Issues: Make the choice even if the teen won’t like it.
Example Time: A teen wants to live with the “”fun”” dad who has almost no rules. The judge hears this but also sees the teen is failing math. The judge might decide living with mom, who makes sure homework gets done, is better, even if the teen wants dad.
What Else Does the Judge Look At?
The List of Important Points: Michigan law has a list of things judges must think about. People call these the “”best interests of the child”” points. There are about 12 of them. What the child wants is just one point on the list.
Looking at Everything: These points cover lots of parts of a child’s life. They include the love between parent and child, if parents can give good care, school, health, and the home itself. Watching a video that talks about teen choices in these cases can give more details.
Some Key Points:
– Love: How much love is shown between parents and child.
– Care: Giving food, a home, help, and guidance.
– Steady Home: Keeping the child’s life calm and the same.
Other Big Points:
– Health: Taking care of the child’s body and feelings.
– School Life: How the child does in school.
– Good Example: How parents act and behave.
Example Time: A judge thinks about a teen wanting to stay with Mom (Point F). The judge also thinks about Dad being better at helping with the teen’s special health need (Point D). The judge weighs these points to find the best choice.
How Does the Judge Decide How Much the Teen’s Wish Matters?
Up to the Judge: The law lets the judge decide how important each point is. There’s no math formula. One judge might think a grown-up teen’s thoughts are very important. Another judge might think other points matter more in that case.
It Changes Case by Case: How much the teen’s wish matters depends on the details. The teen’s age, how grown-up they are, their reasons, and all the other points play a role. The judge uses their best thinking based on all the information.
What Makes a Wish Matter More:
– Age/Grown-Up Level: Older, more thoughtful teens often count more.
– Good Reasons: Sensible reasons carry more weight.
– Other Points: How the teen’s wish fits with other needs.
What Judge’s Power Means:
– No Set Answer: It’s not always the same result.
– Each Case is New: Every family’s situation is looked at.
– Judge Uses Know-How: Judge uses past knowledge.
Example Time: In one family, a 16-year-old’s strong wish tied to finishing high school with friends might be key. In another family, a 16-year-old’s wish might be less important than worries about safety at that parent’s house.
Why Would a Judge Not Do What a Teen Wants?
Keeping the Teen Safe: Sometimes, a judge says no to a teen’s choice if they worry it’s not safe or good for them. The judge’s number one job is to protect the child. That might mean protecting them from a choice that could harm them.
Thinking About the Future: A teen might want something easy right now, like fewer chores. But the judge thinks about later. If having fewer rules might lead to skipping school or getting into trouble, the judge might choose the parent who provides more guidance. They see that as better for the teen down the road.
Reasons to Say No to a Teen:
– Not a Good Home: Worries about bad things happening there.
– Needs More Rules: Believing the teen needs clearer limits.
– Parent Can’t Handle It: Chosen parent can’t meet all the teen’s needs.
Examples of “Weak” Reasons Teens Give:
–“Mom is Too Strict”: Wants Dad because Mom makes them follow rules.
– “More Freedom”: Wants the parent who lets them hang out more.
– “Easier Life”: Wants the parent who asks for less help.
Example Time: A teen wants Dad because “”Mom has too many rules.”” Dad lets the teen do almost anything. The judge might think Mom’s rules are actually needed, especially if Dad doesn’t seem to watch what the teen does.
Is it Good to Talk to the Teen About This?
Talking Helps: Yes, talking openly with your teen is helpful. They should know how things work. It helps them know what to expect if they understand their wish is heard but isn’t the only thing the judge thinks about.
Explaining How it Works: Parents can help by saying the teen can share their feelings, but the judge decides based on many things. This can stop big letdowns if the choice isn’t what the teen wanted. Good talks are key when dealing with Michigan child custody issues.
Why Talking is Good:
– Sets Realistic Hopes: Teen knows their wish isn’t the final word.
– Less Worry: Knowing what happens can make it less scary.
– Feels Respected: Teen feels like their parents listen.
What to Tell Them:
– Judge Decides: Remind them who makes the final choice.
– Many Points Matter: Mention other things the judge looks at.
– You Still Love Them: Tell them you care no matter what.
Example Time: A parent might say, “I hear that you want to live with me, and you can tell that to the judge. Just remember, the judge also has to think about school and other things to decide what’s truly best for you.”
What if a Teen’s Reasons Sound Selfish?
Judges Can Tell: Judges often hear reasons that are just about what the teen wants right now. Wanting fewer rules or more time with friends are common ones. Judges usually see when a reason isn’t focused on what’s really best.
What’s Best Still Matters Most: Even if a teen gives reasons that sound grown-up, like wanting the parent who fits their “plan” for hanging out, the judge looks deeper. If that “plan” seems risky or bad for school, the judge will likely choose safety and rules over the teen’s wish for more freedom.
Examples of Selfish Reasons:
– No Chores: Wanting the parent who lets them avoid work.
– Just Friends: Picking a parent only because friends are nearby.
– Easy Parent: Choosing the parent who doesn’t give consequences.
How Judges Handle This:
– Look Deeper: See the real reason behind the wish.
– Think Long Term: Focus on what helps the teen later in life.
– Put Needs First: Safety, school, and health come first.
Example Time: A teen says, “Being with my friends is key, and Dad’s house makes that easier.” The judge might ask more about these friends. If hanging out means skipping homework or causing trouble, the judge will likely choose the parent who guides the teen better.
How Does the Judge Put It All Together?
A Big Balancing Job: Deciding where a teen lives means looking at many different facts. The judge thinks about what the teen wants, their age, and how grown-up they seem. Then the judge mixes that with all the other points about what’s best.
Judge’s Call: The judge uses their power, called discretion, to decide how important each piece is. They mix it all together to make a choice they think helps the child the most. Getting through this often needs help from people who know Michigan family law, like the team at Goldman and Associates.
How the Judge Balances:
– Gets Facts: Listens to parents, teen, maybe others.
– Uses the Points: Looks at each of the 12 important points.
– Decides Importance: Figures out what matters most here.
Goal of the Choice:
– Help the Child Thrive: Support the teen’s happiness and growth.
– Be Fair: Think about both parents fairly.
– Follow the Law: Make sure the choice fits the “best interests” rule.
Example Time: The judge hears a teen wants to stay with Dad to keep the same school friends (Point E is strong). But Mom is better at helping the teen manage stress (Point A is strong). The judge weighs the teen’s wish (Point F) and how grown-up they seem with these other points before deciding.
Seeing the Whole Picture Always ‘What’s Best’: Remember, the number one rule for a judge in Michigan is “what’s best for the child.” A teen’s thoughts are heard and are important. But they are just one part of a bigger plan to help the teen grow up safe and happy.
Getting Help Makes Sense: These choices can be confusing for parents and teens. Talking to a legal expert who knows Michigan rules can help everyone understand how it works. They can explain the points the judge looks at and what might happen.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What age lets a Michigan child choose their home?
There’s no set age. Judges listen to kids old enough to share their thoughts, like teens. But the judge makes the final choice.
2. Does a judge have to do what my teen wants?
No. The judge must think about the teen’s wish. But the final choice uses all 12 points about what’s best for the child.
3. What if my teen wants the parent with fewer rules?
The judge will listen but will likely care more about safety and good guidance. Wanting fewer rules is often seen as a weak reason.
4. How does a judge know if my teen thinks things through?
The judge sees if the teen can explain their reasons well and understands the situation. It’s about clear thinking, not just age.
5. What are the “best interests of the child” points?
These are about 12 items in Michigan law. They cover love, care, home life, health, school, safety, and the child’s wishes.
6. Can a teen’s wish be more important than other points?
It can be very important, especially for older, thoughtful teens with good reasons. But big worries about safety usually matter more.
7. Should I tell my teen to pick a parent?
You should let them talk openly but don’t push them. Make sure they know the judge makes the final choice using many points.
8. What if my teen’s reasons are silly?
The judge will likely see silly reasons (like wanting more video games) and won’t give them much weight. Reasons about doing well matter more.
9. Does Michigan like moms or dads more?
No. The law treats moms and dads the same. Choices are based on the 12 points, not if the parent is male or female.
10. How does a teen tell the judge what they want?
Sometimes the judge talks to the teen. Other times, someone else talks to the teen and tells the judge. It can happen in different ways.
11. Can we change the plan later if the teen changes their mind?
Yes, plans can be looked at again if big things change. If a teen gets older and has strong, new reasons, that could be a reason to ask the court.
12. Where can I learn about the 12 points?
You can read pages like the Michigan Divorce & Child Custody information. Talking to a lawyer is also a good idea.
Do You Need Help with Child Plans? Sorting out where children live can be tough. Knowing how a teen’s wishes fit in is important. If you have questions about your family in Michigan, getting advice from a lawyer can help a lot.
Talk to Us: Contact Goldman and Associates for help. You can call or text us anytime at (248) 590-6600. Ready to talk now? Schedule your free meeting today! Find more info at ChooseGoldman.com.