Making the Best Choice for Your Child: When parents decide to live apart, one of the biggest questions is about the child. Many people wonder if sharing the child’s care, known as joint custody, is the right choice. My name is Akiva Goldman, and I am a lawyer in Michigan. Our firm helps families with these hard questions. We will explore this in our video, Is Joint Custody Always the Best Option?
What Does “Joint Custody” Mean?
Sharing Decisions: Joint legal custody means both parents help make big choices for the child. This includes things like school, health care, and faith. Both parents have a say in these important things.
Sharing Time: Joint physical custody deals with where the child lives. It means the child spends time living with both parents. The schedule can be split in many ways, such as 50-50 or another plan.
Big Choices Parents Make Together:
- School: Where the child will go to school.
- Doctors: Which doctor or dentist the child will see.
- Faith: How the child will be raised in faith, if any.
Ways to Share Time:
- Week On / Week Off: The child lives with one parent for seven days, then switches to the other parent.
- Splitting the Week: The child might spend Monday and Tuesday with one parent, and Wednesday and Thursday with the other, and trade weekends.
- School Year vs. Summer: One parent has the child for most of the school year, and the other parent has the child for most of the summer break.
Example of Joint Legal: Sarah and Tom live apart. Their son, Leo, lives mostly with Sarah. But they have joint legal custody. When Leo needed braces, Sarah and Tom had to talk and agree on the doctor together.
Why Do Courts Like Joint Custody?
A Push for Both Parents: There is a general push across the country for joint custody. Courts like to see both parents take part in raising the child. They feel it is often best for the child to have a strong bond with both mom and dad.
The Child’s Benefit: The main idea is that children do better when both parents are in their lives. This is why many judges will agree with a joint plan from the start. You can learn more by watching this video on How Joint Custody Works.
What Judges Hope to See:
- Two Active Parents: Both parents want to be a big part of the child’s life.
- Sharing Duties: Parents can share the work of taking the child to school, sports, and doctor visits.
- Better for the Child: The child feels loved and cared for by both parents.
Goals of a Joint Plan:
- Give the Child a Steady Home: The child knows they have two homes and two parents who care.
- Allow Both Parents to Parent: Both parents get to teach and guide their child.
- Reduce Fighting: A clear plan can sometimes help parents argue less.
Example of a Good Joint Plan: Lisa and Mike have joint custody. They use a shared online calendar to keep track of their daughter’s soccer games and school events. They text each other politely if they need to change a pick-up time. Their daughter sees them working together.
When Is Joint Custody Not a Good Idea?
When Parents Can’t Agree: Joint custody is not always the best choice. This plan only works if parents can work together. If parents fight all the time, it is not a good option.
The Need to Talk: This plan needs parents to talk about the child often. They must be able to make choices without arguing. If they cannot do this, the plan will fail, and it will be bad for the child.
Signs Joint Custody Might Fail:
- Constant Fighting: Parents argue about every little thing, like clothes or dinner.
- No Talking: Parents refuse to speak to each other and will only send mean messages.
- One Parent Blocks the Other: One parent tries to stop the child from seeing or talking to the other parent.
What the Court Hopes For:
- Polite Talk: Parents can talk about the child calmly, even if they are upset.
- Focus on the Child: Both parents put the child’s needs first, not their own anger.
- Flexible: Parents can make small changes to the schedule without a big fight.
Example of a Bad Fit: Maria and Ben got joint custody. But they fought about pick-up times every day. Maria would not agree to any doctor Ben suggested, so their child missed check-ups. The judge saw this was not working for the child.
What Happens if Parents Fight Too Much?
The Plan Fails: If parents are given joint custody but keep fighting, the plan will fail. The court’s order for parents to work together does not magically make them get along. The fighting can make life very hard for the child.
The Court Must Step In Again: When the plan fails, the court may have to undo its decision. The judge will have to hold new hearings. This is different from shared custody, as shown in the Difference Between Joint Custody And Shared Custody video.
Problems Caused by Fighting:
- Stress for the Child: The child feels caught in the middle of the parents’ arguments.
- Missed Events: The child might miss school events or birthdays because parents can’t agree on the schedule.
- No Final Choices: Big choices, like which school to attend, never get made.
What the Court Sees:
- Many Court Papers: Parents keep taking each other back to court over small issues.
- Police Are Called: Parents call the police during their parenting time trades.
- Child Is Upset: Teachers or counselors report that the child is sad or acting out.
Example of Fighting: David and Emily had joint physical custody. They were supposed to trade every Wednesday. But David often showed up an hour late, and Emily would yell at him in the driveway. Their son started to cry every Wednesday morning.
Can a Judge Change Joint Custody to Sole Custody?
When a Judge Steps In: Yes, a judge can change the plan. If the judge gave parents joint custody and they just fight, the judge will see it was a mistake. The judge’s main job is to protect the child’s well-being.
What Sole Custody Means: The judge might change the order to sole custody. This means one parent will be given the power to make all the choices (sole legal). Or, the child will live with only one parent (sole physical).
Reasons a Judge Might Change the Order:
- Too Much Arguing: The parents’ fighting is harming the child’s mind or spirit.
- One Parent Is Not Helping: One parent does not show up for the child or help make choices.
- Danger to the Child: One parent puts the child in a dangerous situation or around unsafe people.
Who Gets Sole Custody?:
- The Parent With a Steady Home: The judge will look at who has a steadier home and job.
- The Parent Who Is More Calm: The judge may pick the parent who tries to be calm and work with others.
- It Is Not Certain: You do not know who the judge will pick. It could be you, or it could be the other parent.
Example of a Change: A judge gave two parents joint legal custody. They could not agree on which school their child should attend. They argued for six months, and the child missed the start of the school year. The judge changed the order to sole legal custody for one parent.
Why Is Getting Along So Important?
The Risk of Losing: Since you cannot guess what a judge will do, it is best to try to get along. If a judge changes the plan to sole custody, you might lose. The judge might pick the other parent to make all the choices.
Joint Custody Means Teamwork: Joint custody requires working things out together. You must be able to talk and find a middle ground. This is a big part of Michigan family law.
What “Working Together” Looks Like:
- Sharing Information: You tell the other parent about doctor’s visits and report cards.
- Being on Time: You show up on time for pick-ups and drop-offs.
- Speaking Politely: You do not yell or call names, especially in front of the child.
What “Not Working Together” Looks Like:
- Hiding Information: You do not tell the other parent that the child failed a test.
- Making Choices Alone: You sign the child up for a sport without asking the other parent.
- Asking the Child to “Spy”: You ask the child questions about what the other parent is doing.
Example of Working Together: Jen and Chris do not like each other. But they have joint custody of their daughter, Mia. When Mia was sick, Jen called Chris from the doctor’s office to let him know. They both agreed on the new medicine.
What Does a Judge Look for?
The Child’s Best Interest: If parents keep fighting, the court must decide what is in the child’s best interest. This is the main rule for all a judge’s choices. The judge will look at many things to decide.
Warring Parents Lose: Two parents who are always at war rarely get to keep joint custody. A judge will see that the fighting is hurting the child. The judge will look for a more peaceful, steady choice.
Things the Judge Checks:
- The Love and Bonding: How close the child is to each parent.
- Ability to Care for the Child: Who feeds, bathes, and helps the child with schoolwork.
- The Child’s Health and Safety: If the child is safe and healthy in each parent’s home.
More Things to Check:
- Home Life: If the parent has a steady home and life.
- Willingness to Share: If the parent will let the child see the *other* parent.
- Child’s Choice: If the child is old enough, the judge may listen to what the child wants.
Example of a Judge’s Choice: A judge looked at two parents. One parent always bad-mouthed the other. The second parent, while quiet, always encouraged the child to call the first parent. The judge gave sole custody to the second parent because they supported the child’s bond with both people.
What If One Parent Asks for Sole Custody?
Asking the Court to Choose: Instead of trying to work together, one parent will sometimes file papers for sole custody. This parent is asking the judge to give them all the power. This is a big step.
The Other Parent Fights Back: When one parent files for sole custody, the other parent often answers right away. They file their own papers asking for sole custody, too. Our Child Custody Attorneys in Michigan see this happen often.
What This Does to the Case:
- It Removes Joint Custody: The parents are telling the judge that joint custody is not an option.
- It Forces a Choice: The judge must now pick one parent over the other.
- It Becomes a Fight: The case becomes a trial where each parent tries to prove the other is bad.
The Court’s View:
- No Middle Ground: The judge is not given a choice to pick a joint plan.
- A “Winner” and a “Loser”: The judge must choose one parent to “win” and one to “lose” control.
- Looking for the Best Option: The judge will pick the parent who seems more calm and has a steady home.
Example of Filing: Tim filed for sole custody, saying his ex-wife was not responsible. His ex-wife filed back, saying Tim worked too much. The judge now had to decide between them and could not order a joint plan they both rejected.
Is It Risky to Ask for Sole Custody?
A Big Gamble: Yes, filing for sole custody can be a big risk. If you are sure you have very strong reasons, it might help. But if the case is close to 50-50, you could risk losing everything.
You Might Lose: If you ask for sole custody, you are telling the judge you cannot work with the other parent. The judge might agree but then decide the *other* parent is the calmer one. The judge could give sole custody to them, and you would lose your say.
Things That Are “Strong Factors”:
- Proof of Harm: The other parent has hurt the child or has a drug problem.
- Long Absence: The other parent has not seen or talked to the child in a long time.
- Not Getting Help: The other parent has a serious mental health issue and will not get help.
Things That Are “Weak Factors”:
- Different Rules: The other parent lets the child stay up later than you do.
- Junk Food: The other parent feeds the child fast food sometimes.
- New Partner: You do not like the other parent’s new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Example of a Big Risk: A mother filed for sole custody because the father was “messy.” The judge found the father was a good dad, but the mother was trying to control things. The judge gave sole custody to the father because the mother proved she could not work with him.
How Do I Know What to Do?
Thinking Ahead Is Key: Every family case is different. There is a lot of thinking ahead in deciding what to ask for. The wrong move could hurt your case badly. It is not just about what you want; it is about what you can prove.
Get Good Advice: Before you file any papers, it is smart to talk to someone who knows the law. A lawyer can listen to your story. They can tell you the risks and benefits of asking for joint or sole custody.
Questions to Ask Yourself:
- Can I really work with my ex? Be honest with yourself.
- What is best for my child? Try to see the world from their point of view.
- What proof do I have? Do I have emails, texts, or reports to back up my claims?
How a Lawyer Can Help:
- Explain the Law: They can tell you what the “best interest” factors mean in Michigan.
- Plan Your Case: They can help you decide if you should try to work together or file for sole custody.
- Protect You in Court: They can speak for you and show the judge your side of the story.
Example of Getting Advice: A dad wanted sole custody. He met with a lawyer who told him his reasons were not strong enough. The lawyer warned him he might lose. The dad decided to try to work with the mom on a Joint Custody in Michigan plan instead, which was safer.
Extra Insights on Parenting Plans
Think About the Long Term: A parenting plan needs to grow with your child. A schedule that works for a baby will not work for a teenager. Try to think ahead about holidays, vacations, and how you will handle school events or sports.
Put It all in Writing: Even if you agree on things now, you must write it all down. A clear, written plan helps stop fights later. It makes sure both parents know what is expected. This paper can be made part of your final court order.
Frequently Asked Questions About Custody
1. What is joint legal custody?
This is when both parents must agree on big choices for the child. These choices include school, health, and faith.
2. What is joint physical custody?
This is when the child lives with both parents at different times. The time can be split 50-50 or in another way that works.
3. Do courts in Michigan always order 50-50 time?
No. The court will order a schedule that is in the child’s best interest. This might be 50-50, or it might be one parent having more time.
4. What is sole legal custody?
This means one parent has the power to make all the big choices for the child. The other parent does not get a say.
5. What is sole physical custody?
This means the child lives with one parent most of the time. The other parent usually gets scheduled parenting time.
6. Why would a judge give sole custody?
A judge might do this if one parent is unsafe or if the parents cannot stop fighting. The judge picks the best choice for the child.
7. Can I get joint custody if the other parent lives far away?
You can still get joint legal custody to make choices together. But joint physical custody is hard when parents live far apart.
8. What is the “best interest of the child”?
This is a list of things a judge must look at to make a choice. It includes things like love, safety, home life, and health.
9. Do I have to go to court to get a custody order?
If you and the other parent agree, you can write a plan and ask the judge to sign it. If you do not agree, you will have to go to court.
10. What if the other parent does not follow the order?
You should not try to fix it yourself. You must file papers with the court to ask the judge to make them follow the order.
11. Can a child decide who they want to live with?
A judge will listen to an older child’s choice, but the judge makes the final decision. The judge must still do what is in the child’s best interest.
12. What if I am afraid of the other parent?
If you are afraid for your safety or your child’s safety, you should tell your lawyer right away. Joint custody may not be a safe option for you.
Contact Us for Help:
If you have questions about your case, we are here to help. Call or text us at (248) 590-6600. You can also schedule a free consultation online.
Visit ChooseGoldman.com to learn more.