Working Together for Your Kids: When parents split up, deciding who the children live with is a big deal. It’s often best if parents can work together to make these choices. This can make things easier for everyone, especially the children.
Why Agreement Matters: Coming to an agreement on your own can save you time and money. It also helps keep things calmer for your family. This guide will help you understand if agreeing on custody outside of court is the right path for you and your children. Akiva Goldman of Goldman and Associates is a family law firm in Michigan. You can learn more by watching this video on agreeing on custody without court.
Should You Try to Agree on Custody Before Going to Court?
Court’s View on Agreements: The court really likes it when parents can agree on things. If you and your ex can sort out your issues, the court will be happy. It means less work for them.
Court Approval is Key: Even if you agree on everything, the court still has to say “yes.” They need to make sure your plan is good for the children. They look out for the children’s best.
- It saves time and money.
- It shows the court you can work together.
- It can lead to a calmer process.
- The court must still say yes to your plan.
- The plan must be good for the children.
- Sometimes, the court may say no to your plan.
Example: Sarah and Tom decided together that their children would live mostly with Sarah. They wrote down their plan. When they went to court, the judge looked at their plan. The judge agreed it was good for their kids, so it was approved.
What if We Agree, But One of Us Has Problems?
Court’s Role in Safety: Even if you say your ex is a nice person, the court may see things in a different way. If your ex has problems like using drugs or alcohol, the court might not think giving them custody is best for your children.
Child’s Best Needs: The court always puts the children first. They want to make sure children are safe and cared for. They will look closely at all parts of your plan.
- Court looks at each parent’s actions.
- Safety of the child is most important.
- The court may not agree if there are worries.
- Drug or alcohol use can change decisions.
- A parent’s past actions matter.
- The court will keep the children safe.
Example: Lisa wanted to give her ex, Mark, equal time with their kids, even though he had a past with drug issues. The court looked at Mark’s past. They decided it was not safe for the children to be with Mark often, even though Lisa agreed. The court put the children’s safety first.
Is It a Good Idea to Show Our Agreement to the Court?
Seeking Court’s Okay: Yes, it is a great idea to tell the court what you have worked out. You can say, “Judge, this is our plan. We want you to say it’s okay.” This shows you are trying to be fair.
Lawyers Can Help: Your lawyers can help you work out a good plan. They can make sure your agreement is fair and that the court will likely say “yes” to it. Working with a lawyer is always a good idea.
- It shows you are trying to be fair.
- The court sees your hard work.
- It makes the process smoother.
- Lawyers help make a strong plan.
- They make sure the plan is legal.
- Lawyers can guide you through the process.
Example: Mike and Susan worked with their lawyers to create a clear custody plan. Their lawyers helped them think of everything. When they showed it to the judge, it was clear they had put a lot of thought into it, and it was approved fast.
What Happens if We Can’t Agree on Our Own?
Court’s Role in Fights: If you cannot agree, that is what the court is for. The court will step in to help you work out your differences. They will make choices for you if you cannot.
Mediation as a Choice: If you get stuck on one point, you might try mediation. A mediator is a fair person who helps you talk through problems. They can help you find a way to agree that works for both sides. For more help with fights, think about reaching out to Contested Divorce Attorneys in Michigan.
- The court will make choices for you.
- Mediation can help you find common ground.
- You can still try to agree with help.
- Mediation is a way to solve certain problems.
- A mediator is a fair person.
- It can help avoid a full court fight.
Example: John and Mary agreed on most things, but they argued about holidays. They went to mediation, and the mediator helped them create a holiday plan that worked for both families. They did not have to go to court for this issue.
Will Agreeing on Custody Save Us Money and Time?
Less Money Spent: Yes, agreeing on your own will surely save you money. Going to court for every choice costs a lot in lawyer fees. When you agree, you cut down on these costs. You can learn more about Divorce Costs in Michigan.
Less Time Used: It will also save you time. Court cases can take a very long time. If you agree, the process is much faster. This means you can move forward sooner.
- Less money spent on lawyers.
- Fewer court fees.
- Quicker end to problems.
- Avoids long court dates.
- Reduces stress of a long fight.
- Allows you to move on faster.
Example: Sarah and David spent months fighting in court over every small thing. Their legal bills grew very large. Mark and Emily, on the other hand, agreed on most things fast, which saved them a lot of money and allowed them to finish their case much quicker.
What if We Agree on Custody but Not Time with Kids?
Specific Issues with Mediation: Sometimes, parents agree on who gets custody but not on when each parent sees the children. This is called parenting time. Mediation can help with this specific problem.
Mediators Help with Small Points: Mediators are good at helping with small, tricky points. They can help you work out a time plan that makes sense for your family. This way, you don’t have to fight in court over every hour.
- Custody and parenting time are different.
- Mediation can solve parenting time fights.
- It helps create a clear visiting plan.
- Mediators focus on small problem spots.
- They help make a fair visiting plan.
- You can avoid court for small disagreements.
Example: Maria and Ben agreed that Maria would have custody. But they couldn’t agree on holidays and summer visits. A mediator helped them create a calendar for all the special dates, making it clear for both of them.
What if We Agree on Custody and Time with Kids but Not Money Help?
Money Help is Different: Child support is often a separate issue from custody and parenting time. Even if you agree on everything else, you might not agree on how much money one parent should pay to the other.
Mediators Can Close Gaps: Just like with parenting time, mediators can help you with child support amounts. They can tell you how support is figured out and help you reach a number that works. For help with child custody, visit Child Custody Attorneys in Michigan.
- Child support is about money.
- It is often figured by a set rule.
- Mediators can help explain the rules.
- They can help you agree on a fair amount.
- Avoids court fighting over money.
- Makes sure children get needed help.
Example: David and Jessica agreed on where their kids would live and when they would see them. But they couldn’t agree on how much child support David should pay. A mediator helped them look at their money and the state’s rules, and they came to an agreement.
When Should We Ask for Legal Help for Custody Agreements?
When You Have Questions: If you have any questions about your case, you should always talk to a lawyer. They can give you advice that fits your situation. It’s better to ask than to guess.
Hard Cases: If your case is hard, or if there are serious issues like addiction, you definitely need a lawyer. They can keep your rights safe and your children safe. For changing old orders, look at Should My Ex And I Agree To Change In Custody Order Without Going To Court? and Can My Ex and I Modify Our Custody Agreement Outside of Court?
- Always talk to a lawyer if you are not sure.
- Lawyers give advice just for you.
- They can explain the rules clearly.
- Needed for big issues like drug use.
- Keeps your children safe.
- Makes sure your agreement is legal.
Example: Maria felt confused about some legal words in her custody agreement. She called a lawyer, who explained everything in simple words. This helped her feel much more sure about her agreement.
Extra Insights
The Court’s Final Say: Remember, even if you and your ex agree on every single point, the court has the last word. Their job is to make sure that the plan you create is truly what’s best for your children. They will look at your agreement carefully to make sure it follows the law and keeps the kids safe.
Why Lawyer Advice Helps: While agreeing out of court is good, having a lawyer look at your agreement is smart. They can find problems you might miss or suggest things that would make your agreement stronger. A lawyer makes sure your agreement is fair and works in court.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: Do we always need a lawyer for custody agreements? No, but it’s a very good idea. Lawyers help make sure your agreement is fair and follows the law.
Q2: Can we change our custody agreement later? Yes, you can ask the court to change it later if things change in your lives.
Q3: What does “best interest of the child” mean? It means the court makes choices that are safest and most helpful for the child.
Q4: How long does a custody case take if we don’t agree? It can take many months or even longer if you fight over everything in court.
Q5: What is mediation? Mediation is when a fair person helps parents talk and agree on issues without going to court.
Q6: Is a spoken custody agreement legal? No, spoken agreements are not usually legal. You need a written and court-approved paper.
Q7: Can a parent stop visits if child support isn’t paid? No, these are separate issues. Money help and time with kids are handled differently by the court.
Q8: What if one parent moves far away? This can make custody and time with kids harder. You may need to ask the court to change the order.
Q9: How old does a child have to be to choose where they live? In Michigan, children can say what they want, but the court decides what is best, not just what the child wants.
Q10: What is joint custody? Joint custody means both parents share in making big choices about the child, and sometimes the child lives with both parents part-time.
Q11: What is sole custody? Sole custody means one parent makes all the big choices about the child and the child lives mostly with that parent.
Q12: Can we agree on custody even if we are not married? Yes, parents who are not married can still make and get court approval for custody agreements.
Reach Out to Us: If you have questions about your custody case, or any family law matter in Michigan, we are here to help. Call or text us today for a free talk: (248) 590-6600. Visit ChooseGoldman.com to schedule your free talk.