When a couple decides to divorce in their later years, it is referred to as a “gray divorce” in legal parlance. Are there alternatives to gray divorce? A few adjustments will occur at home as you transition towards retirement. like spending all of your time at home. You can experience a drastic adjustment as a result of having nothing to do. Your wife may not appreciate the adjustment because you are now always near her or lurking around. Your interference with your spouse’s regular activities is annoying.
Click here to watch the video on Are There Alternatives To Gray Divorce In Michigan?
In long-term relationships abruptly entering the retirement phase of the spouse, you would have grandchildren and a ton of spare time. There are probably more reasons for you to stay married than for it to end. A good lawyer should be able to spot these unforeseen developments in their clients’ lives. To avoid getting in each other’s way while savoring your golden years, you may only need to make a few changes to your schedules.
What You Need To Know About Gray Divorce
A while back, we published an article entitled, “What You Need To Know About Gray Divorce” in our Legal Blog here.
Long term marriages come in increments of 20, 30, or 50 years or more of married people’s lives. Among lawyers, we talk about them and call them gray divorces.
A docketed divorce case has parties filing a complaint, filing responses to the complaint, getting summoned for discovery, engaging in discussions and mediations, and the usual negotiations for spousal and child support. Gray marriages go through the same exact process of divorce.
From 2000 to 2020, data on marriage and divorce were collected by the National Center for Health Statistics of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC, from 45 states and the District of Columbia. According to the statistics, 2.3 divorces occur for every 1,000 people. For couples aged 50 and older, the divorce rate is much higher, at about 10 instances per 1000 persons.
The general populace is aging. More than 50% of people in Michigan are now 50 years of age or older. Currently, 25% of people in Michigan are 60 years of age or older. In total, more than 2.46 million people. Our demographics include a substantial proportion of baby boomers.
The data we provided is factual. If a marriage has lasted this long, it must be a successful marriage by definition. Maybe not? What then causes a purportedly happy marriage to break up?
Alternative One: Working On Keeping It
If we ask you then, why you married your spouse, you’ll probably say your partner is special. This person is one of a kind. Nobody is like her or him. Your partner is just so special. Now you’re thinking of divorce and you’re convincing yourself divorce is a normal choice to have. Everyone does it. Simple right. Helps you sleep at night.
It doesn’t? Then maybe this marriage matters.
The data from the U.S. Census Bureau is not exactly encouraging but we need to mention it here so you can appreciate the context and enormity of the decision you’re about to make.
In the US, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. First marriages end in divorce in 48% of cases. The divorce data for your second marriage is 60%. Third marriages end in divorce in 73% of cases. All of this data is about divorce but it also tells you the fact that most got married at least twice. Each of them gave themselves a second chance to start over.
People did marry again. They still believe in marriage, or having a family. Trying again and giving this marriage a special chance to warm up again may not be difficult after all if you’re still thinking about ending it..
Everyone enduring the pain of troubled marriages most often endure them alone. Yes they do suffer taking in the imperfection of marriage, of relationships.
Wouldn’t it be better if all couples used their suffering as motivation to examine their relationships in depth, seek expert assistance, and become stronger?
Problems in a marriage may serve as a wake-up call to work on the union rather than follow the path that leads to divorce.
What a lovely world it would be if everyone could be honest with themselves and accept responsibility for their part in the issues.
Couples may be able to avoid a needless divorce if they decide to put effort into their union and make the required adjustments rather than repeating their errors. And if they do ultimately decide to get a divorce, their individual couples counseling sessions may improve their chances of getting married again successfully.
If only people can learn from the lessons in their relationships maybe the statistics might change.
Alternative Two: Do Nothing About It
Yes, maybe you want to take your chances and just do nothing. Ride it like a wave. Maybe you’re an adventurous one. You and your partner.
Not taking any action is in a way a choice, an alternative.
Not coming up with any specific action to address the issues in your marriage and just waiting for them to disappear is a decision after all. For many couples, this is a viable solution. Sometimes the desire to be happy without a partner is trumped by religious convictions, a dread of loneliness, the loss of a benefit, or another worry.
As there is no need to confront the nature of the issue, doing nothing is also simpler and less expensive than filing a divorce. However, issues rarely disappear on their own.
If you choose not to take action, be kind to yourself and stop whining when issues start piling up.
Alternative Three: Conscious Uncoupling
Those who could not sit idly by and do nothing, you can try what Katherine Woodward Thomas wrote about called “conscious uncoupling”. This alternative is more like therapy than anything else.
Working through a separation in a spirit of cooperation and respect is part of the process of conscious uncoupling, which is by the way, not legally binding. It ultimately tries to reduce emotional repercussions for the partners and their children, putting everyone involved on the road to future success.
The goal of conscious uncoupling is to support the couple as they navigate a very challenging situation in a way that is very beneficial, preventing them from destroying one another in the process. Conscious uncoupling can be utilized as a structure to support one another during a physical separation, a more structured legal separation, or as a structure for communication during an impending divorce.
If you’re curious if anybody actually went through a conscious uncoupling process, you can seek out actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s experience in her 2014 separation from Coldplay’s Chris Martin. Ms. Paltrow actually wrote an essay for Vogue’s September issue about it entitled, “Conscious Uncoupling Has Permeated Break-Up Culture” and how it influenced her own separation.
Ms. Paltrow and Mr. Martin actually used the words “conscious uncoupling” when they announced their separation in public.
In the worst possible reality you really can’t stand each other anymore, maybe a less drastic alternative to divorce can be chosen. You can have some practical work around you can agree on.
Alternative Four: Use Separation Agreements
You enter into a separation agreement. In Michigan, your attorney can introduce you to three types of agreements for separation, namely: private separation, separate maintenance, and postnuptial.
One, Private Separation Agreement.
An informal agreement between the parties regarding the terms of a separation is known as a private separation agreement. You may think of yourself as divorced, but under Michigan law, there is no enforceable document. If the legal separation leads to a divorce, a private separation agreement may make things more difficult. For instance, unless it is in writing, the “agreement” about property, the children, or support is unlikely to be upheld in court. Even worse, by establishing a custodial setting, you can harm a custody dispute. Legal separation is different from a private separation arrangement.
Two, Separate Maintenance Agreement.
A Separate Maintenance Agreement is a legal separation resembling a divorce in many ways. Similar filing requirements, including residency and grounds, apply to separate maintenance in Michigan. The same rules apply for child support, spousal support, child custody, and property split. The greatest distinction is that separate maintenance doesn’t end the marriage. The parties do continue to be married, unlike in a divorce. Under Michigan law, a separation structured as either a Separate Maintenance Agreement or Post Nuptial agreement qualifies as “legal.” Avoiding a divorce is a common justification for signing a Separate Maintenance Agreement, particularly when moral or religious considerations are of the utmost importance.
Clients are occasionally advised to think about a separate maintenance agreement to keep a sick spouse on health insurance even after a divorce due to the fact that they are still technically married after filing for separation. Sadly, it can be challenging to maintain a spouse’s health insurance under a Separate Maintenance Agreement because many health insurance policies view a Separate Maintenance Agreement as being equivalent to a divorce.
A joint tax return can still be filed by a couple under a Separate Maintenance Agreement
Three, Postnuptial Agreement.
One of the most effective legal separation tools in Michigan, this separation agreement is typically valid under Michigan law. You can continue to be covered by your spouse’s health insurance while living apart, unlike a Separate Maintenance Agreement. Similar to a prenuptial agreement, a postnuptial agreement is one that is signed after you get married.
There is no necessity the parties be apart for the duration of the Postnuptial Agreement in order for it to be enforceable. To do this, attorneys first file for divorce, then they sign the Post Nuptial Agreement, and finally they dismiss the divorce case.
Divorce however you approach it will have both financial and emotional costs, however, there are alternatives worth looking into. The logic behind divorce statutes is framed in such a way as to give couples a chance to think through this decision. The cooling period inserted as a waiting period in the statues is there for that reason.
The state still believes in preserving marriage, to keep a family together.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel today for more advice on Family Law!
Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.