After a divorce, the judge makes rules for you and your ex to follow. These rules are written on a paper called a divorce decree. But what if your ex does not follow the rules? This can be very stressful. It is important to know that you can get help and you have choices.
What Are the Judge’s Divorce Rules?
A Final Order from the Court: The judge’s divorce paper has final rules for both of you. It says who gets the house or the car. It also says who pays for old bills. If you have kids, it has rules for them, too. Both you and your ex must obey this paper. It is an order from the judge.
Why This Paper Is Important: This paper helps make sure everything is fair after you are no longer married. When your ex does not follow the rules, it can cause money problems for you. It can also make you feel worried all the time. You should not have to face this by yourself. There are steps you can take to fix it.
Examples of Rules in the Paper:
- Selling a Family Home: The paper might say you must sell your house and split the money.
- Paying a Shared Debt: It will say who has to pay the old credit card bills.
- Giving Back Items: It lists who gets to keep certain things, like a TV or a couch.
Ways Your Ex Might Break Rules:
- They Won’t Leave the House: They might stay in the home when the paper says they must move out.
- They Don’t Pay You: They may refuse to give you money they were ordered to pay.
- They Keep Your Things: They might not give you items that the paper says are yours.
Real-Life Example: A judge’s paper said that Jane’s ex, Bob, had to sell their house in six months. But a year went by, and Bob did not sell it. Jane needed her part of the money to find a new place to live, but she couldn’t get it.
What Is the First Thing I Should Do?
Call Your Lawyer: The very first step is to call a lawyer. A lawyer knows the law and can give you good advice. Do not try to solve a big problem like this on your own. Your lawyer knows how to talk to the judge and keep you safe.
Collect Your Proof: Your lawyer will need proof that your ex is breaking the rules. You can collect papers, emails, and text messages. If your ex was supposed to pay you, you can show your bank records. This proof helps your lawyer show the judge what is happening.
How to Start Getting Proof:
- Keep a Written Log: Write down each time your ex breaks a rule. Note the date and what happened.
- Save All Messages: Do not delete texts or emails about the problem.
- Get Copies of Bills: If your ex should be paying a bill, keep copies that show it is not paid.
What You Should Not Do:
- Start Big Fights: Arguing with your ex will not help the problem and could make it worse.
- Break the Rules, Too: Do not break your side of the rules just because your ex did.
- Wait a Long Time: It is best to act fast. Problems can get bigger if you wait too long to fix them.
Real-Life Example: Sam’s ex was told to pay for their child’s doctor bills. She did not pay them. Sam saved the bills and the emails where she said she would not pay. He gave everything to his family law attorney to use in court.
How Will a Lawyer Help Me?
They Talk to the Judge for You: A lawyer can file special papers at the courthouse. These papers tell the judge that your ex is breaking the rules. After the papers are filed, the judge will pick a day to hear about the problem. This is the right way to get the judge’s help.
They Show Your Proof in Court: Your lawyer will speak for you in front of the judge. They will show all the proof you gathered. They will explain how your ex has not followed the rules. Having a good lawyer means you have a strong voice.
What a Lawyer Does:
- Writes a Letter: A strong letter from a lawyer can sometimes solve the problem quickly.
- Asks for a Court Date: They will ask the judge to schedule a time to talk about the case.
- Files Papers for Help: This is the formal way to ask a judge to make your ex follow the rules.
Why a Lawyer Is Helpful:
- They Know the Rules: Lawyers know how the court works and what a judge needs to see.
- They Lower Your Stress: You do not have to stand up to your ex alone.
- They Work for You: A lawyer’s job is to protect you and get you what you are owed.
Real-Life Example: Tina’s ex would not sign the papers to sell their car, even though the judge’s rules said he had to. Her lawyer filed papers with the court. The judge then ordered the ex to sign the papers right away.
What Can the Judge Do to My Ex?
Order Something to Be Sold: If your ex will not sell the house, a judge can order the sale to happen. The judge can even pick another person to be in charge of selling it. This person will make sure the house is sold fairly so you can get your money.
Put Them in “Contempt”: A judge can say your ex is in “contempt of court.” This is a very serious thing. It means your ex has ignored the judge’s order. A person in contempt may have to pay a fine or even go to jail for a short time. This shows that the judge’s rules must be taken seriously.
Actions a Judge Can Take:
- Make Them Pay a Fine: The judge can make your ex pay extra money as a punishment.
- Pick Someone to Sell Property: A new person can be put in charge of selling a house or car.
- Send Them to Jail: This is rare, but it can happen if the problem is very bad.
Other Things a Judge Can Do:
- Take Money from Their Paycheck: The court can take money right from your ex’s job to pay you.
- Take Their Property: A judge could let the sheriff take things from your ex to sell for money.
- Pause Their Driver’s License: Some states let judges take away a person’s license for not following orders.
Real-Life Example: Kevin’s ex was supposed to pay him from her retirement savings but she did not. The judge said she was in contempt of court. He ordered her to pay Kevin and also pay a fine for being late.
What If I Do Not Have Money for a Lawyer?
Think About the Money You Are Losing: People worry that going to court costs too much. But think about the money your ex is keeping from you. If you are owed $50,000 from a house, it is worth it to hire a lawyer to get that money. You can watch our video to learn more about this.
Ask the Judge for Help with Fees: Your lawyer can ask the judge to make your ex pay for your lawyer’s costs. If the judge sees that your ex broke the rules on purpose, the judge may agree. This can make it easier for you to get the help you need. Do not let fear about money stop you from getting what is fair.
How to Handle the Cost:
- Ask Your Ex to Pay: The lawyer can ask the judge to make your ex pay your legal fees.
- Ask About a Payment Plan: You can ask the law office if you can pay for their help over time.
- Remember What You Could Gain: Think about the value of the money or property you could get back.
When Going to Court Is Worth It:
- When It Is a Lot of Money: If the money you are owed will change your life.
- When You Need a Place to Live: If you need your share of a house sale to buy a new home.
- When the Problem Will Not Go Away: If your ex’s actions will keep hurting you for a long time.
Real-Life Example: Brenda’s ex owed her $20,000 but would not pay. Brenda was scared to pay for a lawyer. Her lawyer told her they could ask the judge to make her ex pay her lawyer fees. The judge agreed and did just that.
What If It Is Only a Small Problem?
Think About if It Is a Big Deal: Sometimes an ex breaks a very small rule. They may be thirty minutes late to pick up a child, or they might forget to return a jacket. You have to decide if these small things are worth a big fight in court. It might be better to save your energy for the more serious problems.
Try Talking First: For small things, a simple message might work. A quick text or email can remind your ex about the rule. This can sometimes fix the issue without going to a judge. But if small problems happen all the time, they add up to one big problem.
Examples of Small Problems:
- Being a little late for visits.
- Forgetting to return a child’s toy.
- Small disagreements over little costs.
When Small Problems Get Bigger:
- If They Are Always Late: This can mess up your own plans and schedule.
- If They Argue About Everything: When every small thing becomes a big fight.
- If They Break Many Small Rules: This shows they do not respect the judge’s paper at all.
Real-Life Example: Tim’s ex was supposed to call him every Wednesday night to talk to the kids, but she often forgot. Tim’s lawyer sent her a simple email to remind her. After that, she started to remember to make the calls.
Can My Ex Change the Judge’s Rules?
Most Rules Are Final: The judge’s divorce paper is usually final. The parts about splitting up your things cannot be changed. The decision on who gets the house or money is set in stone. This helps make sure there is an end to the arguments.
Some Rules Can Be Changed: Some parts of the paper can be changed, but only if there is a big change in someone’s life. This is for things like child support or parenting time. For instance, if a parent loses a job, they can ask the judge to change the child support amount. You might wonder if an ex can modify the divorce decree after it’s finalized, and this video can help explain it.
Things That Are Hard to Change:
- Who Gets What Property: The split of the house, cars, and money in the bank.
- Who Pays Which Debts: The plan for paying off old bills and loans.
- Agreements on Spousal Support: If you both agreed to not have spousal support.
Things That Can Change Sometimes:
- Child Support Money: If one parent starts making a lot more or less money.
- Parenting Schedules: If a parent has to move far away for a job.
- Spousal Support Money: If the person who pays or gets the money has a big life change.
Real-Life Example: Paul paid spousal support to his ex-wife. He then got very sick and could not work anymore. His lawyer helped him ask the judge to lower the support payments because his life had changed so much.
What Happens If I Do Nothing at All?
The Problem Will Not Go Away: If you only complain to friends and family, the problem will not get fixed. Your ex will keep breaking the rules if nothing happens to them. Hoping the problem will disappear on its own does not work. You have to take action to get what is fair.
You Could Lose Your Chance to Act: If you wait for years to do something, you could lose your right to get help. A judge will wonder why you waited so long to complain. It is always best to talk to a Michigan divorce attorney as soon as you see a problem starting. Don’t wait until it is too late.
Bad Things That Can Happen If You Wait:
- You Lose Money: You might never see the money or get the property that is yours.
- The Stress Goes On: You will continue to be upset and worried about the problem.
- Your Ex Keeps Winning: It teaches your ex that they can ignore the rules and get away with it.
Why You Should Act Now:
- It Shows You Are Serious: Taking action in court shows your ex you mean business.
- It Protects Your Future: Getting what you are owed helps you move on with your life.
- It Respects the Judge: It shows that the judge’s orders are important and must be followed.
Real-Life Example: Mary’s ex was supposed to pay her for her half of their boat. He never did. Mary was sad about it but did nothing for three years. When she finally went to a lawyer, her ex had already sold the boat and spent the money, which made it very hard to fix.
Extra Insights
Keep Your Papers Safe: You should always keep a copy of your divorce paper and any other court papers. Put them in a safe place where you will not lose them. You might need them years from now. Having your papers ready will make it easy for a lawyer to help you if a new problem comes up.
Try to Stay Calm: It is very hard when an ex breaks the rules. It can make you feel angry and sad. Try to stay calm and focus on the facts. Let your lawyer do the talking with your ex. This will help you feel less stress and get a better result.
If your ex is not following the judge’s rules, you have the power to do something. You do not have to live with an unfair situation. The law can help you. Call our team to find out about your next steps.
For help, you can call or text us at (248) 590-6600. You can also schedule a free consultation or visit ChooseGoldman.com to learn more about how we can help you.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What does “filing a motion” mean?
It means giving a paper to the court that asks the judge for help. This is the first step to making your ex follow the rules.
2. How long will it take to see a judge?
This can change based on how many cases the court has. Your lawyer can give you an idea of how long it might take.
3. If my ex doesn’t pay child support, can I stop them from seeing the kids?
No, child support and seeing the kids are two separate things. A judge will not like it if you stop visits.
4. What if my ex quits their job so they don’t have to pay me?
The judge can still order them to pay. The judge will look at how much they could be earning if they had a job.
5. My ex won’t give me my furniture. What can I do?
A lawyer can ask the judge to set a day and time for you to get your things. A police officer can sometimes come to make sure it is safe.
6. Can my ex really go to jail for breaking the rules?
Yes, it is possible for very serious problems. But judges usually try to use fines and other punishments first.
7. What if my ex says they have no money and files for bankruptcy?
Some payments, like child support, cannot be erased in bankruptcy. Your lawyer can tell you what will happen with other debts.
8. The judge’s paper says my ex must pay our old credit card, but they aren’t. What now?
You might have to pay the credit card company yourself so it does not hurt your credit. Then you can take your ex to court to get that money back.
9. Do I have to see my ex in court?
You will have to go to court for the hearing. But your lawyer will be there with you and will do all of the talking for you.
10. What is a “receiver”?
A receiver is a person the judge picks to take care of something. For example, a receiver can be put in charge of selling a house if your ex will not.
11. I don’t know where my ex lives now. Can I still get help?
Yes, lawyers have ways to find people. They can hire someone to locate your ex so the court papers can be given to them.
12. Is it easier to just give up?
No, you should not give up on what the judge said is yours. The law is there to help you, and our video explains more about what to do when an ex isn’t following the court order.