When moms and dads do not agree on who a child will live with, a judge helps pick. This is a big deal. Some things you do can make you look bad to the judge. It is good to know what these things are. Then you have a better chance to be with your child. This page talks about things that do not look good when parents fight over who takes care of a child. You can also learn by watching a video about what looks bad when parents decide about child care.
Why Does Not Spending Time with Your Child Look Bad?
Not Using Your Time: You get a chance to be with your child. But you do not take it. This looks very bad. The judge will ask if you really want to be the main parent. It makes it seem like you are not serious about taking care of your child all the time.
What the Judge Sees: The judge wants to see that you love your child. The judge wants to see that you want to be there. If you skip time with your child, the judge may think you are not the best pick. Being there for your child when you can is a big part of showing you are a good parent. You can learn about big mistakes from videos like Mistakes to Avoid in Your Child Custody Case – ChooseGoldman.com.
Signs You Don’t Use Your Time:
You Skip Visits Often: You cancel your planned time with your child a lot.
You Are Late a Lot: You are always late to get your child or bring them back.
You Make Time Shorter: You end your time with your child early for other things.
Why This Is Not Good: You Look Not Sure: It makes you seem like people can’t count on you.
Your Child May Feel Sad: Your child might feel like they are not a big deal to you.
The Judge Will Notice: The judge will see this as a big problem when making a choice.
A True Story: A dad said he wanted his son to live with him most of the time. But he often asked the mom to keep their son on his days. He said he had other things to do. The judge saw this. The judge worried the dad would not make time for his son if he was the main parent.
Can Using Drugs or Alcohol Hurt Your Chance to Care for Your Child?
What It Shows the Judge: If you use drugs or drink too much alcohol, the judge will worry. The judge will ask if you can keep your child safe. The judge will ask if you can keep your child well. This is very serious for the person who makes choices about your child. The judge’s main job is to keep the child safe.
How the Judge Finds Out: The judge can learn about drug or alcohol use. There might be tests. People might tell the judge. It is best to be true and get help if you have a problem. If you try to hide it, it can look worse if the judge learns later.
Why This Looks Bad: Child Could Be in Danger: The judge sees it as a risk to your child being safe and sound.
It Is a Bad Model: It shows a poor way to act for your child as they get older.
You May Not Parent Well: It might mean you can’t give your child what they need.
How the Judge Can Learn About It:
Drug or Drink Tests: The judge might ask you to take a test for drugs or alcohol.
Police Notes: If the police came to you because of drugs or alcohol.
People May Tell: Other people might tell the judge you use these things.
A True Story: A mom wanted more time with her kids. But there were pictures of her at parties. She was around a lot of alcohol in the pictures. The judge was very worried. The judge thought she could not wake up early for school. The judge thought she might not help with school work. So, the judge did not give her more time then.
How Can Mean Online Posts Make You Look Bad?
Web Site Problems: What you say on web sites like Facebook can be seen by the judge. If you post angry words, it makes you look bad. If you post mean things about the other parent, it makes you look bad. The judge might think you have a problem with being mad. The judge might think you try to be scary.
It Can Hurt You: These kinds of posts can come back and hurt you. The judge wants to pick a parent who is calm. The judge wants to pick a parent who is safe. If your online words show you are mean, it can hurt your chance. If your words show you can’t control your anger, it can hurt your chance for the child to live with you. It is key to know what is best for the child.
Bad Kinds of Online Posts: Mad Words: Using bad words or yelling on the web.
Scary Things Said: Saying things that could make the other parent feel scared.
Calling Bad Names: Calling the other parent mean names that are not true.
Why This Is a Very Big Deal:
Shows Bad Choices: It makes the judge think you do not make good choices.
Child Might Get Upset: If the child sees these posts, it can make them sad or scared.
Not a Good Person to Follow: It does not show you as a good person to help a child learn.
A True Story: A dad posted many mad things about his child’s mom on the web. He called her names. He shared private things. The judge read these posts. The judge thought the dad was trying to hurt the mom. The judge thought the dad was not thinking about their child. This made it hard for the dad.
What If You Don’t Follow the Judge’s Rules?
Not Listening to Rules: A judge makes a rule. It might be about when each parent sees the child. It might be about paying money for the child. You must follow the rule. If you pick to not listen to what the judge said, this is very bad. The judge will not be happy with you.
How the Judge Sees It: If you do not follow the judge’s old rules, the judge will think you won’t follow new ones. The judge will not see you as a good pick. It is like saying you do not care about the law or the judge. This makes it very hard to get what you want.
Ways to Not Follow Rules:
Not Paying Child Money: Not paying the money the judge said you have to pay for your child.
Stopping Parent Time: Not letting the other parent see the child when it is their turn.
Making Your Own Rules: Doing things your way, not what the judge said to do.
Why This Is a Bad Thing to Do:
Shows No Respect: It tells the judge you do not care about what they decide.
Hurts the Child: Not following rules can make life not steady for your child.
Can Get You in Trouble: The judge can make you pay money or even go to jail for not listening.
A True Story: A mom was told by the judge to let the dad have phone calls with the kids at 7 at night. She often said no or said the kids were doing other things. The judge found out. The judge was not happy. The judge said she was not following the court’s rules.
Does a Bad Temper Make You Look Like a Poor Parent Choice?
Showing You Are Mad: If you get mad very fast, this can look very bad. If you act in a way that is not nice, this can look bad. The judge wants your child to be with a parent who is not quick to get mad. The judge wants your child with a parent who is kind. If you get mad easy, the judge may worry about peace at home for the child.
How You Act in Court: How you act in the court matters. How you act when you talk with the other parent matters. If you are not nice, or if you yell, the judge will see it. If you show a lot of anger, the judge will see it. This kind of way of acting can be a big red flag. The judge will think about it when picking who the child should live with.
Signs of a Bad Temper:
Yelling a Lot: Shouting at the other parent or even at your own helper in law.
Getting Upset Fast: Getting very mad over small things very fast.
Acting in a Scary Way: Doing things that make other people feel not safe.
Why This Is a Problem:
Child’s Good Feelings: The judge worries a child might feel scared or sad if there is too much anger.
Hard to Work with Other Parent: It makes it hard to work with the other parent for the good of the child.
Not a Good Model: It does not show good ways to handle feelings to a child.
A True Story: One parent started to shout at a meeting about their child. This parent also hit the table hard. The person in charge of the meeting told the judge. The judge thought this parent might not handle hard times well when the child was around.
Why Is It Bad to Seem Not Real to the Judge?
Being True: When you talk to the judge, what you say must be true. When you give facts, they must be true. If you say you want to be the main parent, but what you do shows something else, the judge will see it. For example, you say you want more time with your child. But then you do not use the time you have.
Trust Is a Big Deal: The judge needs to trust what you say. If the judge thinks you are not being real, it will be very hard. The judge will not want to pick you. Being true, even about mistakes, is usually better. It is better than trying to hide things. It is better than trying to look perfect if you are not.
Ways You Might Seem Not Real:
Words and Actions Don’t Match: Saying one thing but doing a different thing with your child.
You Change Your Story: Telling one story now and a different story later.
New Interest All of a Sudden: Acting very keen on the child’s life only when the judge is looking.
Why This Hurts You:
Judge Stops Trusting You: If the judge can’t trust you, they will not want to pick you.
Shows You Are Not Serious: It can make it look like you are just playing a game.
Not About the Child: It might seem like you care more about winning than about the child.
A True Story: A mom said she was the best one to help with school work. But she never went to school meetings for parents before. The judge thought she was just saying it for the case. The judge did not think she really planned to help all the time.
How Can You Show You Are a Good Parent for Your Child?
Think About Your Child: The best thing to do is show how you are a good parent. Show you are a loving parent. Talk about how you care for what your child needs. This means their school. This means their health. This means their joy. For more on this, you can look at Michigan Child Care Lawyers who can help you.
Be the Same All the Time: Show the judge you are steady. Show the judge you can be counted on. This means always being there for your child. It also means being calm when you talk about the other parent. It means being fair. This shows you can put your child first.
Good Things You Can Do:
Help with School Work: Be a part of your child’s school and learning times.
Go to Doctor Visits: Take your child to the doctor. Know what they need for their health.
Help with Fun Things: Help your child do things they like. This could be sports or art.
Good Ways to Act:
Speak in a Nice Way: Talk about the other parent in a fair way. Do this even if you do not agree with them.
Work with Others: Try to make plans with the other parent for the child.
Be on Time: Always be on time to get your child. Always be on time to bring your child back.
A True Story: A dad always went to his girl’s ball games. He always went to school nights for parents. He made sure she did her school work. He showed the judge by what he did. He showed he was a very big part of her life. He showed he cared a lot.
What Are Some Big Things NOT to Do in a Fight Over Kids?
Hurting Your Own Side: Some parents do things that really hurt their chance with the judge. They do it because they are upset. Or they are not thinking well. Knowing these big things not to do can help you. It can help you stay on a good path for your child.
Think First: Before you say or do a thing, think. Think how it will look to the judge. The judge wants what is best for the child. Things that make you look not steady will not help. Things that make you look mean will not help. You can learn more from videos like “What is the biggest mistake in a [fight over kids]? – ChooseGoldman.com“.
Top Things Not to Do:
Say Bad Things of Other Parent: Always saying bad things about the other parent is not good. It is very bad if you say them to the child.
Tell Lies: Lying to the judge is very bad. Lying about the other parent to get what you want is very bad.
Use Child for Messages: Making your child pass notes or pick sides in adult fights is wrong.
Why These Are So Bad:
Shows You Are Not a Good Person: It makes you look like a person who can’t act well.
Hurts Your Child the Most: These acts can make your child very sad. They can make your child mixed up.
Judge Will Not Like It: Judges see these acts as very bad for a child’s life.
A True Story: One parent told the child bad things about the other parent that were not true. The child got very sad. The child did not know what to think. When the judge found out, the judge was very worried. The judge thought this parent was hurting the child’s good feelings for the other parent.
What If the Other Parent Is Doing These Bad Things?
Be Calm and Get Facts: The other parent may do things that look bad. Try not to get mad back at them. Instead, keep notes of what happens. Write down when it happens. Write down dates and times. Write what was said or done. These notes can be key. Your helper in law can help you show this to the judge in the right way.
Show Your Good Parenting: Do not try to do the same bad things if the other parent acts badly. The judge will like it more if you stay calm. The judge will like it if you focus on being a good parent. Let what you do show that you are the steady choice for your child. Let what you do show you are the safe choice. For help with hard times, think about help from people who work on Michigan Divorce & Child Care Plans.
How to Act:
Tell Your Law Helper: Tell all your facts to your helper in law.
Keep Notes: Save texts or emails. Save notes about what took place.
Do Not Be Like Them: Try not to do the same bad things they do.
What the Judge Might Do:
Give a Warning: The judge might tell the other parent to stop their bad acts.
Change Rules: The judge could change rules about time with the child.
Think About It for the Choice: The judge will think about this bad way of acting when making a choice.
A True Story: A dad kept sending mad texts to the mom. She saved all of them. She showed them to her helper in law. The helper in law showed them to the judge. The judge saw the dad had a problem with anger. The judge thought this was not good for the child to be near.
How Can a Law Helper Aid You With These Problems?
Help and Good Ideas: A good law helper knows what looks bad to a judge. They can tell you what to do. They can tell you what not to do. This help can be very key. It can help you show the judge you are a great parent.
Talking for You: A law helper can also talk for you in court. They can handle hard talks. This can help keep things calm. They know the rules. They know how to show your good points to the judge in the best way. This help is very needed when you face these hard things.
What a Law Helper Does:
Tells You the Law: Helps you know all the rules for your own case.
Gets Your Case Ready: Gets facts to show your good skills as a parent.
Gives Ideas on How to Act: Guides you on how to act. Guides you on what to not say or do.
Good Things About Having a Law Helper:
Makes Fewer Mistakes: Helps you not make common mistakes that can hurt you.
Makes Stress Less: Takes on some of the hard parts of the law fight for you.
Better Chance to Do Well: Makes your chance of a good end better for you and your child.
A True Story: Sue was very upset. She wanted to post mean things on the web about her ex-man. Her law helper told her this was a bad idea. The law helper said it would hurt her case for her kids. Sue listened. It helped her look like the calm parent to the judge.
More Ideas:
Extra Things to Think On Child’s Say: Some older kids can say who they want to live with. But the judge will always think first about what is best for the child. It is not always just what the child wants. But the judge often listens to how they feel. The judge looks at many things, not just one.
Keep Finding Out More: There are many good places to help you learn. Watching videos like “”3 Things Not To Say During A [Fight Over Kids]”” can give you more ideas. The more you know, the better you can act for your child’s good. Always try to make choices that show you care most about your child.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What is the very worst thing a parent can do?
Many law helpers say talking bad about the other parent to your child is one of the worst acts. It can really hurt your child and how your case goes.
2. Does it look bad if I miss my parent time just one time?
Yes, even missing it once can look bad if you do not have a very good reason. It is best to always use your time with your child.
3. Will a judge really see my posts on Facebook?
Yes, the judge can look at web sites where people post things. What you post can be used to show how you act.
4. What if I can’t pay the child money right now?
You should tell the court or your law helper right away if you have a problem paying. Not saying anything makes you look very bad.
5. Is it okay to get mad if the other parent is not being fair?
It is normal to feel mad. But showing it in a scary or mean way looks bad. Try to stay calm, most of all in front of the judge or child.
6. If I get help for a drug problem, will that look good to the judge?
Yes, getting help shows you are trying to fix a problem. This can look much better to the judge than hiding it.
7. Should I tell the judge all the bad things the other parent does?
You should tell your law helper the facts. Your law helper will know how to tell the judge in the best way, thinking of the child.
8. Does how I dress for court really make a change?
Yes, looking clean and serious shows you care about the court. It helps make a good first look.
9. What if my child says they do not want to go with the other parent?
You should still follow the judge’s rules about time with the other parent. Talk to your law helper about how your child feels.
10. Can I move far from here with my child while we are in this fight?
Moving far away and not asking the judge first can look very bad. Always talk to your law helper before you make big changes like that.
11. Is it bad if I do not know a lot about my child’s school things?
Yes, it can look like you are not a big part of their life. It is good to know about your child’s school, doctor, and friends.
12. Why is it so key to be real and true?
The judge needs to think you really care for your child. The judge needs to think you will do what is best. If you seem not real, the judge might not trust you.
Need Help with Your Child Care Case? Talk to Us: Trying to know how to act when parents do not agree about kids can be hard. If you have questions, we are here. If you need help, we are here. The choices made now can change your family for a long time.
Get Help Now: Call or text us at (248) 590-6600. You can also plan a free talk about your case by going to our free talk link. For more news, please go to ChooseGoldman.com.