Parental relationships after divorce might not be the best. Always a fight just for the sake of fighting. When it comes to family issues, these normally logical people start acting irrationally. For co-parenting, it becomes a challenge. Understand the legal strategies for managing difficult co-parents.
Click here to watch the video on Managing a Difficult Co-Parent
It is best to leave handling these legal tactics to deal with your co-parent to your attorney. For handling challenging co-parents, use legal techniques. Let your attorney submit an affidavit that documents the co-parent’s lack of cooperation. It can be an exhibit to a petition to get a court order authorizing specific actions. Engage legal counsel. Allow your attorney to speak up on your behalf.
What is a difficult parent?
A difficult co-parent is not easy to distinguish from a difficult spouse. Most often we are looking at the same person. The proceedings in a custody dispute will almost always involve conflict. There will be hard-to-get-rid-of emotions like anger and bitterness. Your spouse can be obstinate and can refuse to follow your best efforts to move forward. It can be challenging to decide what to do next.
A difficult parent comes in many forms. They can be a narcissist, a compulsive liar, a vindictive or spiteful spouse. A difficult co-parent can come in the form of a malicious parent.
A narcissist.
An extremely self-centered person is a narcissist. Narcissistic people are charming and highly functional. They battle feelings of arrogance and superiority. They start to want the limelight as a result. They take advantage of everyone, including family members, to fulfill their needs. They seek undue praise. Narcissists are not empathic. That is among the most significant issues those in relationships with them encounter. Narcissists struggle to understand how someone else could feel. When people act selfishly, they are not conscious of doing so. They oppose or refuse to take ownership of their mistakes. They can’t take responsibility for their shortcomings. They blame others because of their haughtiness.
Compulsive liar.
Child custody proceedings can be stressful, even in the best of circumstances. The divorce process quickly becomes uncomfortable, extremely emotional, and possibly destructive. One spouse can be a compulsive liar who will say anything to get what they want or win custody. One spouse rarely bombards the other with what appear to be serious accusations. Such allegations can be physical violence, and heavy drug, and alcohol use. It can be child neglect and desertion. Usually, the parent who is accused responds by calling the accusations baseless.
The spiteful parent.
Sensitive subjects like child custody, occasionally bring out the worst in people. In high-conflict situations, people could adopt a win-or-lose mentality. Some lose their cool when they don’t get their way. A spouse or parent who is spiteful or vengeful is the result of suffering and hopelessness. It is the incapacity to accept the changing circumstances and stop their advancement. Vengeful people are unable to perceive the big picture. They are only focused on the present circumstance and how they feel about it. As a result, negotiating with them is extremely difficult, if not impossible.
The malicious parent.
The most typical name for it is the malicious mother syndrome. This description might not be accurate in Michigan. Actions can be committed by both mothers and fathers. A co-parent with “Malicious parent syndrome” can be harsh. They use violent methods to get to the other parent. Unknowingly, one parent begins by criticizing the other. This is detrimental to their children. A malicious parent can injure or deny their children. All that to damage the reputation of the other parent.
Long after the legal concerns have been resolved, unresolved difficulties may still linger. It can be bitterness, resentment, betrayal, hurt, and disappointment that may still exist. The ongoing, unresolved conflict then moves to co-parenting. Only one parent can distinguish between residual spousal power struggles. One parent can discern problems genuinely in the best interests of the child. This awareness can lead to significant changes in the co-parenting dynamic. Never lose sight of your own role in the interaction. It can be simple to concentrate on the shortcomings of the other parent. Each ex-spouse is aware of their own weak points. Avoid pointing them out in your interaction. Nobody is perfect at co-parenting.
How do you handle a difficult co-parent?
Most parents view parenting as nothing more than a never-ending series of compromises. Couples don’t always agree on every area of parenting. They are always compelled to make some kind of compromise. This discrepancy in views on how children should be raised is a big source of irritation for some. Some only find it to be a minor, infrequent source of annoyance. But parental compromise can feel like a battleground for divorced families. Families who already have a lot of emotional baggage. Families with unresolved anger and anguish. You can learn from some perspective here about handling a difficult co-parent.
Don’t think about yourself; keep the children in mind.
When you and your ex have a lot of emotional baggage, it can be easy to become mired in your own turmoil and past. At the end of the day, co-parenting is about what’s best for the children, not what’s best for you. You must consider your own requirements constraints, and capacities. Your children should come first. Try to put the co-parenting relationship ahead of your personal connection. Ahead of issues with your ex-spouse in all your interactions. You won’t worry as much about your own emotions of loss and gain. It will make compromise simpler.
You both have a right to a viewpoint.
You may not be fond of your partner. You might believe they are the most repulsive individual you have ever encountered. You’re stuck with them. Unless they’re truly abusive to your children. Unless the court thinks they might be in danger because of their parenting style, you are stuck. Being angry about it is thus a waste of time and energy. Accept that both you and your partner have the authority to decide how to raise your children. The sooner you embrace this reality about co-parenting the better off you’ll be.
Be flexible. Allow some space.
You are not required to adhere to the co-parenting plan that a judge may have established. Sometimes one spouse will get the chance to take the children somewhere special. Something special like a concert, a sporting event, or a visit to a relative. Be flexible if this occurs! Consider your child when making a choice. Will they have a good time and enjoy themselves when they spend time with their other parent? Allow for flexibility and the right to alter the timetable.
Allow breathing space for the children.
Keep your distance and don’t check in too frequently. Your child is spending parenting time with your co-parent. You should contact your child if you have valid concerns about his or her well-being. This should go beyond whether they are fed their preferred foods or are bored. Constant checking in interferes with their ability to enjoy their time. They should be enjoying time with their father or mother. It is something you want to make sure of. Setting and establishing limits early on will help to maintain them for years to come.
Be normal.
Don’t feel like you need to always be having fun. You don’t have to only engage in enjoyable things and constantly be on the move. The amount of time you have together is now restricted. Watch a movie, have dinner, and spend time together at home. Remember that at the end of the day, you are a parent. Allowing your child to engage in only enjoyable activities may lead to misbehaving toward their other parent.
Stop controlling everything.
No control over the hours your ex-spouse lets the children sleep. No control over what they eat, or the kinds of activities they partake in. You have the power over events in your own home. Only what takes place in your home is under your control. You have to maintain your emotional well-being. Focus on what you can control. Your own parenting. You will never be able to dictate how your ex raises your children while they are with him or her.
Every parent can find it a little hard to figure out all the specifics of child custody. You may put some effort into and make some compromises. You can build a co-parenting strategy that works well. These techniques can make it easier for you to co-parent. You can be creating a joyful and caring situation for your child.
What legal strategies can you use to manage difficult co-parents?
Parents in Michigan frequently disagree with their ex-spouse. This is despite wanting the best for their children. Only when both parents are prepared to commit can good co-parenting take place. You might need the help of a mediator or family law attorney. You may need to settle joint custody and parenting time disagreements. This is necessary when communication and cooperation break down. This does not imply you will return to court. The guidance of an attorney or the facilitation of a mediator can help parents come to an agreement. In high-conflict situations, take a co-parenting therapist into consideration. Co-parenting can completely fail. A family law attorney can also assist you in submitting a request to the court. Settle a joint custody disagreement. Alter existing custody and parenting time order. There can be a cause or a change in circumstances that justifies doing a modification.
Remember that there are different levels of effective parenting. Keep this in mind when negotiating with your co-parent. On one extreme of the spectrum are the laid-back, easygoing parents. On the other are the more structured, organized types. On that continuum, there is a ton of space for variation. A very laid-back approach can degenerate into neglect. A very structured approach can become abusive. Not every parent raises their children in the same manner. It does not make them bad parents.
Co-parenting connection with your ex-spouse or partner does not end after your divorce. It does not end after the child custody case is resolved. Especially if you had a highly contentious legal battle, co-parenting can be challenging. These suggestions for shared custody and co-parenting can assist you. It can help in resolving problems as they arise. It helps avoid a post-judgment custody modification motion in court.
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