Is there truly a certain age at which divorce is no longer worth the trouble? Do I really want a gray divorce now? 20 or 30 years of marriage won’t really matter if you’re miserable every day as a consequence of being married to your spouse. You need to be concerned about your emotional and mental well-being.
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If putting up with marriage is regarded from the perspective of resolving marital problems, there may be some rationality in tolerating marriage. The marriage should not, however, tolerate physical abuse, drug misuse, or criminal activities. The entire marital estate may be in danger in a marriage if there has been criminal behavior. These are excellent excuses for ending your marriage. In particular, if you haven’t held a job for 20 to 30 years or more of your marriage, you could be concerned about how you’ll support yourself. To ensure your financial well-being after divorce, the court can establish arrangements.
The Compelling Reasons To End Marriage at 50
In the perspective of the state of Michigan, there’s really no compelling reason to get a divorce. Michigan is a “no-fault” divorce state and does not require any particular reason for approving a divorce.
The position of the state on dissolving marriage does not downplay the fact that the divorce rate for couples 50 and older has steadily been increasing for more than ten years now. In fact, it has doubled between 1990 and 2010. The reasons driving divorce for young couples are driving divorce for older ones.
Persistent long-term infidelity
Infidelity will never be easy for spouses to forgive, or they may decide that enough is enough and decide to end the affair and go on with their lives. The best option for ending a relationship with an unfaithful partner is divorce. There are so many celebrity unions that seem to support this idea. Simply put, spouses grew weary of the game of hide and seek and the intermittent season of spousal infidelity.
Recurrent problems from each other’s pasts.
Unresolved problems, unacknowledged harm, or unspoken dreams can persist and now have more room and time to haunt you. There is space created by the void. Some of these wounds never fully recovered. The cause of these injuries was never atoned for. For the sake of marital harmony, we keep the dreams we had before we got married. This act of kindness undermines our sense of gratitude for being together by going unappreciated and unacknowledged. All of that is due to the fact that you haven’t talked for a very long time.
A deteriorating situation of financial difficulty.
The amount of money may appear minor, but what money means to each person individually is what fuels and heightens conflict between partners. Spenders view their use of money as a form of freedom. Money is the cornerstone of security for the thrifty.
The inadequate and hurtful communication.
In a marriage, a couple will typically switch between various communication styles. They progress to becoming dismissive, evasive, and stonewalling before developing contempt for their relationships. The eventual breakdown of a marriage appears to be strongly correlated with contempt. Communication only becomes necessary when you are not only disrespectful but also inconvenient.
The home is currently an empty nest.
Children are often the thread that holds a marriage together. After the kids move out, many couples find they no longer have any interests since they were so preoccupied with parenting and careers. If the couple can discuss these issues and communicate, the marriage will be strengthened. Many marriages terminate after the children are fully grown and living on their own. Some couples decide to put off getting married until the beloved family pet dies. A spouse may choose to retire early and go on vacation in certain situations. Because this spouse wants to keep working, the other spouse might not share this desire to travel. For both couples, the house is starting to seem empty.
What Are My Challenges Ending Marriage at 50
More than 50% of people in Michigan are now 50 years of age or older. Currently, 25% of people in Michigan are 60 years of age or older. In total that’s roughly more than 2.46 million people. So it’s a safe assumption our demographics include a substantial proportion of baby boomers. Such an aging population also has its own challenges.
For couples considering divorce, we’re repeating what we have posted in our article, “What You Need To Know About Gray Divorce” where we talked about gray divorce, its drivers, challenges, and alternatives.
Below are the challenges we mentioned in the above-mentioned article.
Spousal support.
Support from a spouse may be contested. People argue that since extremely young children are rarely involved in gray divorces and both spouses are likely to be able to work full-time, spousal assistance should not be provided. On the other hand, if one spouse was a stay-at-home parent throughout the marriage, he or she could need more schooling or training in order to be ready for the workforce. It might be challenging to enter or reenter the workforce after the age of 50.
Child support.
Child support for an older dependent child will focus more on expenses like tuition, college housing and meals, books, car insurance, and cell phones as opposed to a younger child, for whom childcare may be a considerable expense.
When both partners are 50 or older, the likelihood of having young children in the family declines. If there are dependents, the children are most likely in high school or college. Custody and visitation conflicts are less complicated with older dependent children. Unlike an infant or toddler at a primary school or daycare, parents frequently do not have to drive them as frequently to school and activities.
A shrinking purse.
It offers your ex-spouse time to restore their financial status if you divorce early, in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s. Starting in the middle of the 1950s, long-term couples experienced more difficulty recovering financially. Assets and debts are often split equally. The retirement money for a couple is currently only about half of what it once was. Recovery of the economy will now take longer. It is especially true if retirement is soon. The longer a relationship has existed, the more difficult it is for them to repair.
Limited job opportunities in the digital age.
Age discrimination in the workplace still exists despite people working longer hours and retiring later. Those who enter or re-enter the workforce in their mid-to late-50s or early-to late-60s are in serious jeopardy. The time lost cannot be made up by a spouse who raised children while remaining at home or even working part-time. The employability of persons in their 50s and 60s is declining in comparison to younger job seekers.
Gray divorcees must compete with younger workers in a competitive employment market where they can afford benefits like health insurance. Additionally, it is more difficult for someone who lacks technical proficiency in the digital age, when skill sets are changing swiftly.
Leaving the marital home.
Divorce is never easy, and leaving the marital residence is also never easy. When it comes to gray divorces, this is especially true. Even the most difficult situations can occasionally be made easier to bear in a comfortable and familiar environment. But after a divorce, it’s common for one spouse to have to leave the house, which makes the process even more difficult. It’s not always easy, not even for the spouse who gets to keep the house. After a divorce, one spouse can find it significantly more difficult to afford a mortgage, property taxes, and regular maintenance.
Do I Have Choices Aside From Divorce at 50
When a spouse in a long-term partnership suddenly enters the retirement phase, you would have plenty of free time and a lot of grandchildren too. There are most likely more justifications for your marriage to endure than against it.
Regardless of how you go about it, divorce will cost money and be emotionally draining, but there are other options that are worth considering. The reasoning for divorce laws is constructed in a way that gives spouses time to consider their options. For this reason, the statues have a cooling-off time that serves as a waiting interval.
You might ask yourself if there is an alternative to dissolving marriage. We did answer that question in an article we published, “Are There Alternatives To Gray Divorce In Michigan?” where we talked about some legal alternatives to divorce.
We covered several in that article.
Private separation agreement.
A private separation agreement is a loose arrangement made by the parties outlining the terms of their separation. Despite the fact that you may believe you are divorced, there is no enforceable document in Michigan. A private separation agreement may complicate matters if the formal separation results in divorce. For instance, the “agreement” on property, the children, or support is unlikely to be maintained in court unless it is in writing. Even worse, you risk complicating a custody issue by fostering a custodial environment. A private separation agreement differs from a legal separation.
Separate maintenance agreement.
A Separate Maintenance Agreement is a type of legal separation that, in many ways, resembles a divorce. In Michigan, separate maintenance filing requirements also include residency and grounds. For child support, spousal support, child custody, and property division, the same guidelines apply. The primary difference is that paying separate maintenance doesn’t dissolve the marriage. In contrast to a divorce, the parties do remain married. A divorce that is “legal” in Michigan is one that is set up as a Separate Maintenance Agreement or Post Nuptial Agreement. The common argument for entering into a Separate Maintenance Agreement is to avoid divorce, especially where moral or religious issues are of the utmost significance.
Postnuptial agreement.
This separation agreement is commonly recognized by Michigan law as one of the most useful legal separation tools. Contrary to a Separate Maintenance Agreement, you can still be covered by your spouse’s health insurance while you are living apart. A postnuptial agreement is one that you sign after being married, just as a prenuptial agreement.
The Postnuptial Agreement may be enforceable even if the parties are not living separately during its term. To do this, lawyers first petition for divorce, after which they sign the Post Nuptial Agreement, they then dismiss the divorce case.
The Hard Questions To Ask If I’m Thinking of Divorce At 50
If divorce really is a compelling choice for you, there’s some very important questions you need to consider and to find answers. We compiled and talked about these questions in an article entitled, “Gray Divorce & Preparing To Be Alone” where we hope you can reflect about life after a gray divorce.
Just like losing someone in death forces you to deal with loss, living solo forces you to look forward to being alone. Have you considered how living alone might impact your life? The legal details of your divorce will be handled by your attorney, but they will also offer you time to think about what life will be like following the divorce.
Try asking yourself and answering these questions.
What is your income going to look like after the divorce?
Your income potential may be substantially different at 50 than it was when you were 20 or even a few years ago. On the market, different talents are in demand. You or your spouse may be reaching your prime earning years depending on your particular circumstances. On the other hand, it’s likely that as you or your spouse age, your abilities will deteriorate and your income will decline dramatically.
Can you cover your medical expenses, do you have health coverage?
Managing your healthcare and insurance could be very difficult if you aren’t eligible for job benefits and aren’t close to becoming eligible for Medicare. Individual health insurance under the Affordable Care Act (ACA) and COBRA help bridge the gap.
How is retirement going to look like for you?
Your financial struggles are made worse by having your nest egg cut in half, regardless of how many zeros are present in your total 401(k) and IRA balances. The more accounts you have, the more complicated the options for splitting them up and potentially creative ways to minimize taxes.
How is your mental health or well-being right now?
In cases of elderly couples going through divorce, the potential for cognitive, psychological, or addiction difficulties having a negative impact on decision-making may also exist. In some circumstances, you might even need to consider appointing a conservator or guardian.
Do you still need to provide support for family members? How will your divorce affect your children, your family?
You have more difficulties if you are also supporting children financially. If necessary, discuss these with your spouse, children, and attorney. The emotional and social effects that a parental divorce may have on the involved adult children are equally important. Don’t take this for granted and think about whether even a few counseling sessions could be helpful for everyone. Divorce is challenging for everyone involved, even if it is peacefully ended.
Do you have clarity as to what will be life after divorce?
After many years of marriage, when a couple decides to get divorced, they must deal with not one, but two major sources of uncertainty: the possibility of living alone and the concerns surrounding the typical retirement age. What is it that you genuinely want out of this new life you have chosen? What feels and looks like a typical day in that new life? Who do you want to surround yourself with in that life—friends, family, or coworkers? Think about it and try to visualize your ideal life as precisely as you can.
Think again. Ask yourself again.
Do I really want a gray divorce now?
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